The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Works of Mark Twain, by Mark Twain and David Widger

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Title: The Works of Mark Twain

Subtitle: An Index of all Project Gutenberg Editions

Author: Mark Twain and David Widger

Release Date: May 14, 2009 [EBook #28803]

Language: English

Credits: Produced by David Widger

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ***

THE WORKS OF

MARK TWAIN

(1835-1910)

AN ON-LINE INDEX

Edited by David Widger

Project Gutenberg Editions

DOWNLOAD

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VOLUMES

Click on the ## before each title to go directly to a

linked index of the detailed chapters and illustrations

Illustrated Editions

##  The American Claimant

##  A Dog's Tale

##  Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson

Eve's Diary

##  The Innocents Abroad

##  A Tramp Abroad

##  A Gilded Age

##  Following The Equator

##  Sketches New and Old

##  Huckleberry Finn

##  Adventures of Tom Sawyer

##  Roughing It

##  Prince and Pauper

##  Connecticut Yankee

##  Life on the Mississippi

Letters

##  Volume 1.

##  Volume 2.

##  Volume 3

##  Volume 4.

##  Volume 5.

##  Volume 6.

Without Illustrations

##  Mysterious Stranger

##  The Double Barrelled Detective

##  The Stolen White Elephant

##  Rambling Idle Excursion

##  Carnival of Crime in CT.

##  The Loves of Alonzo Fitz

##  Those Extraordinary Twins

##  A Burlesque Autobiography

##  Mysterious Stranger

##  Christian Science

##  Mark Twain's Speeches

##  1601

##  Curious Republic of Gondour

##  Goldsmith's Friend Abroad Again

##  Essays on Paul Bourget

##  How to Tell a Story

##  Fennimore Cooper Offences

##  Defence of Harriet Shelley

##  Hadleyberg Stories et al.

##  What Is Man? And Others

##  Tom Sawyer Abroad

##  Tom Sawyer, Detective

##  The $30,000 Bequest and Others

##  Recollections of Joan of Arc, I.

##  Recollections of Joan of Arc, II.

FROM PG OF AUSTRALIA

Mark Twain's Autobiography is in the public domain in Australia,

but not in the USA. Readers in the USA are asked NOT to open

or download these files. They are available ON-LINE only.

Mark Twain's Autobiography:   Volume One     Volume Two

Newspaper Articles by Mark Twain—1862-1881

TWAIN'S WORKS CONTRIBUTED TO PG BY DAVID PRICE

Captain Stormfield's Vist to Heaven

A Horse's Tale

Is Shakespeare Dead?

The Man who Corrupted Hadleyburg

VOLUMES,  CHAPTERS

and ILLUSTRATIONS

Illustrated Editions

THE AMERICAN CLAIMANT

CHAPTER I.

The Earl of Rossmore vs. the American Claimant—Viscount

Berkeley proposes to change places with the Claimant—

The Claimant's letter—Lord Berkeley decides to visit

America

CHAPTER II.

Colonel Mulberry Sellers and his art gallery—He receives a

visit from Washington Hawkins—Talking over old times

—Washington informs the colonel that he is the congressional

delegate from Cherokee Strip.

CHAPTER III.

Mrs. Sellers pronounces the colonel "the same old scheming,

generous, good-hearted, moonshiny, hopeful, no-account

failure he always was"—He takes in Dan'l and Jinny—

The colonel originates "Pigs in the Clover"—He offers

one of his art treasures to propitiate Suggs—One-armed

Pete; the bank thief

CHAPTER IV.

A Yankee makes an offer for "Pigs in the Clover"—By the

death of a relative Sellers becomes the rightful Earl of

Rossmore and consequently the American Clairnant—

Gwendolen is sent for from school—The remains of the

late Claimant and brother to be shipped to England—

Hawkins and Sellers nail the hatchments on "Rossmore

Towers"

CHAPTER V.

Gwendolen's letter—Her arrival at home—Hawkins is introduced,

to his great pleasure—Communication from the bank thief—

Hawkins and Sellers have to wait ten days longer before

getting the reward—Viscount Berkeley and the late Claimant's

remains start simultaneously from England and America

CHAPTER VI.

Arrival of the remains of late Claimant and brother in England

—The usurping earl officiates as chief mourner, and they

are laid with their kindred in Cholmondeley church—Sally

Sellers a gifted costume-designer—Another communication

from the bank thief—Locating him in the New Gadsby—

The colonel's glimpse of one—armed Pete in the elevator—

Arrival of Viscount Berkeley at the same hotel

CHAPTER VII.

Viscount Berkeley jots down his "impressions" to date with

a quill pen—The destruction of the New Gadsby by fire—

Berkeley loses his bearings and escapes with his journaled

"impressions" only—Discovery and hasty donning of

one-armed Pete's abandoned wardrobe—Glowing and affecting

account in the morning papers of the heroic death of the

heir of Rossmore—He will take a new name and start out "incog"

CHAPTER VIII.

The colonel's grief at the loss of both Berkeley and one-armed

Pete—Materialization—Breaking the news to the family—

The colonel starts to identify and secure a body (or ashes)

to send to the bereaved father

CHAPTER IX.

The usual actress and her diamonds in the hotel fire—The

colonel secures three baskets of ashes—Mrs. Sellers forbids

their lying in state—Generous hatchments—The ashes to be

sent only when the earl sends for them

CHAPTER X.

Lord Berkeley deposits the $500 found in his appropriated

clothes—Attends "Mechanics' Debating Club"—Berkeley

(alias Tracy) is glad he came to this country

CHAPTER XI.

No work for Tracy—Cheaper lodgings secured—Sleeping on

the roof—"My daughter Hattie"—Tracy receives further

"impressions" from Hattie (otherwise "Puss")—Mr. Barrow

appears—And offers to help Tracy find work

CHAPTER XII.

A boarding—house dinner—"No money, no dinner" for Mr.

Brady—"How did you come to mount that hat?"—A glimpse

of (the supposed) one-armed Pete—Extract from

Tracy's diary

CHAPTER XIII.

Tracy and trades-unions—Unpopularity with fellow-boarders

—Which changes to popularity on his punishing Allen—

The cablegram

CHAPTER XIV.

"Mechanics' Debating Club" again—Tracy is comforted by

Barrow's remarks—"Fool or no fool, he would grab it"

—"Earldom! oh, yes, take it if it offers"

CHAPTER XV.

"You forgot to pay your board"—"I've been robbed "—Mr.

Allen among the missing, likewise other things—The

cablegram: "Thanks"—Despair of Tracy—"You've got

to amuse your mind"

CHAPTER XVI.

The collaborative art collection—The artists—"The cannon's

our trademark"—Tracy's mind is amused

CHAPTER XVII.

No further cablegram—"If those ghastly artists want a confederate,

I'm their man"—Tracy taken into partnership—Disappointments

of materialization — The phonograph adapted to marine service

—Utilization of wasted sewer gas

CHAPTER XVIII.

The colonel's project to set Russia free—"I am going to buy

Siberia"—The materializee turns up—Being an artist he

is invited to restore the colonel's collection—Which he

forthwith begins

CHAPTER XIX.

The perplexities and nobilities of materialization—The materializee

eats a couple of apples—Horror of Hawkins and Sellers—It must be

a mistake"

CHAPTER XX.

Tracy's perplexities with regard to the Claimant's sanity—

The Claimant interviews him—Sally Sellers meets Tracy

—A violent case of love at first sight—Pinks

CHAPTER XXI.

Empty painting; empty millinerizing—Tracy's work satisfactory—

Sellers's new picture of Lord Berkeley—"He is a wobbler"—

The unsuccessful dinner—parties—"They flung their arms about

each other's necks"

CHAPTER XXII.

"The materializing has got to stop where it is"—Sally Sellers

repudiates "Lady Gwendolen"—The late Lord Berkeley Sally's hero—

"The shady devil [Doubt] had knifed her"

CHAPTER XXIII.

Tracy writes to his father—The rival houses to be united by

his marriage to Sally Sellers—The earl decides to "step

over and take a hand"—"The course of true love," etc.,

as usual—"You an earl's son! show me the signs"

CHAPTER XXIV.

Time drags heavily for all concerned—Success of "Pigs in the

Clover"—Sellers is "fixed" for his temperance lecture—

Colonel and Mrs. Sellers start for Europe—Interview of

Hawkins and Sally—Tracy an impostor

CHAPTER XXV.

Telegram: "She's going to marry the materializee"—Interview

between Tracy and Sally—Arrival of the usurping earl—

"You can have him if you'll take him"—A quiet wedding

at the Towers—Sellers does not join the party to England—

Preparing to furnish climates to order

APPENDIX.

The weather in this book

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.

"He was constructing some kind of frail mechanical toy."

"It must try your patience pretty sharply sometimes."

One-armed Pete

"Father, I am going to shake hands with Major Hawkins."

"Must + he go down in his spectral night dress?"

"Clah to goodness it's de fust time I've sot eyes on 'em."

Parker, assistant editor of the Democrat

"How do you do?"

"Both were so paralyzed with joy."

"It had already happened."

"His thoughts had been far away from these things."

"Fool or no fool, he would grab it."

"No. 5 started a laugh."

Capt. Saltmarsh and brother of the brush

Wasted sewer gas

"Eastward with that great light transfiguring their faces."

It was a violent case of mutual love at first sight

"Time dragged heavily for both, now."

"Oh, my God, she's kissing it!"

"The shady devil had knifed her."

"You an earl's son! Show me the signs."

"My father!"

"Finally there was a quiet wedding at the Towers."

A Dog's Tale

ILLUSTRATIONS

1. Book Cover

2. Frontpiece

3. By-and-by Came My Little Puppy

4. Flocked In To Hear Of My Heroism

5. You Saved HIS Child

Chapter I.

Chapter II.

Chapter III.

Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson

A WHISPER TO THE READER

CHAPTER 1 — Pudd'nhead Wins His Name

CHAPTER 2 — Driscoll Spares His Slaves

CHAPTER 3 — Roxy Plays a Shrewd Trick

CHAPTER 4 — The Ways of the Changelings

CHAPTER 5 — The Twins Thrill Dawson's Landing

CHAPTER 6 — Swimming in Glory

CHAPTER 7 — The Unknown Nymph

CHAPTER 8 — Marse Tom Tramples His Chance

CHAPTER 9 — Tom Practices Sycophancy

CHAPTER 10 — The Nymph Revealed

CHAPTER 11 — Pudd'nhead's Thrilling Discovery

CHAPTER 12 — The Shame of Judge Driscoll

CHAPTER 13 — Tom Stares at Ruin

CHAPTER 14 — Roxana Insists Upon Reform

CHAPTER 15 — The Robber Robbed

CHAPTER 16 — Sold Down the River

CHAPTER 17 — The Judge Utters Dire Prophesy

CHAPTER 18 — Roxana Commands

CHAPTER 19 — The Prophesy Realized

CHAPTER 20 — The Murderer Chuckles

CHAPTER 21 — Doom

CONCLUSION

AUTHOR'S NOTE TO "THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS"

Letters, Volume 1.

FOREWORD

MARK TWAIN—A BIOGRAPHICAL SUMMARY

MARK TWAIN'S LETTERS

I.

EARLY LETTERS, 1853. NEW YORK AND PHILADELPHIA

II.

LETTERS 1856-61. KEOKUK, AND THE RIVER. END OF PILOTING

III.

LETTERS 1861-62. ON THE FRONTIER. MINING ADVENTURES. JOURNALISTIC BEGINNINGS.

IV.

LETTERS 1863-64. "MARK TWAIN." COMSTOCK JOURNALISM. ARTEMUS WARD

V.

LETTERS 1864-66. SAN FRANCISCO AND HAWAII

VI.

LETTERS 1866-67. THE LECTURER. SUCCESS ON THE COAST. IN NEW YORK. THE GREAT OCEAN EXCURSION.

Volume 2.

VII.

LETTERS 1867. THE TRAVELER. THE VOYAGE OF THE "QUAKER CITY"

VIII.

LETTERS 1867-68. WASHINGTON AND SAN FRANCISCO. THE PROPOSED BOOK OF TRAVEL. A NEW LECTURE.

IX.

LETTERS 1868-70. COURTSHIP, AND "THE INNOCENTS ABROAD"

X.

LETTERS 1870-71. MARK TWAIN IN BUFFALO. MARRIAGE. THE BUFFALO EXPRESS. "MEMORANDA." LECTURES. A NEW BOOK.

XI.

LETTERS 1871-72. REMOVAL TO HARTFORD. A LECTURE TOUR. "ROUGHING IT." FIRST LETTER TO HOWELLS.

XII.

LETTERS 1872-73. MARK TWAIN IN ENGLAND. LONDON HONORS. ACQUAINTANCE WITH DR. JOHN BROWN. A LECTURE TRIUMPH. "THE GILDED AGE".

XIII.

LETTERS 1874. HARTFORD AND ELMIRA. A NEW STUDY. BEGINNING "TOM SAWYER." THE SELLERS PLAY.

XIV.

LETTERS 1874. MISSISSIPPI CHAPTERS. VISITS TO BOSTON. A JOKE ON ALDRICH.

XV.

LETTERS FROM HARTFORD, 1875. MUCH CORRESPONDENCE WITH HOWELLS

Volume 3

XVI.

LETTERS, 1876, CHIEFLY TO W. D. HOWELLS. LITERATURE AND POLITICS. PLANNING A PLAY WITH BRET HARTE.

XVII.

LETTERS, 1877. TO BERMUDA WITH TWICHELL. PROPOSITION TO TH. NAST. THE WHITTIER DINNER.

XVIII.

LETTERS FROM EUROPE, 1878-79. TRAMPING WITH TWICHELL. WRITING A NEW TRAVEL BOOK. LIFE IN MUNICH.

XIX.

LETTERS 1879. RETURN TO AMERICA. THE GREAT GRANT REUNION

XX.

LETTERS OF 1880, CHIEFLY TO HOWELLS. "THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER." MARK TWAIN MUGWUMP SOCIETY.

XXI.

LETTERS 1881, TO HOWELLS AND OTHERS. ASSISTING A YOUNG SCULPTOR. LITERARY PLANS.

XXII.

LETTERS, 1882, MAINLY TO HOWELLS. WASTED FURY. OLD SCENES REVISITED. THE MISSISSIPPI BOOK.

XXIII.

LETTERS, 1883, TO HOWELLS AND OTHERS. A GUEST OF THE MARQUIS OF LORNE. THE HISTORY GAME. A PLAY BY HOWELLS AND MARK TWAIN.

XXIV.

LETTERS, 1884, TO HOWELLS AND OTHERS. CABLE'S GREAT APRIL FOOL. "HUCK FINN" IN PRESS. MARK TWAIN FOR CLEVELAND. CLEMENS AND CABLE.

XXV.

THE GREAT YEAR OF 1885. CLEMENS AND CABLE. PUBLICATION OF "HUCK

Volume 4.

XXVI.

LETTERS, 1886-87. JANE CLEMENS'S ROMANCE. UNMAILED LETTERS, ETC.

XXVII.

MISCELLANEOUS LETTERS OF 1887. LITERARY ARTICLES. PEACEFUL DAYS AT THE FARM. FAVORITE READING. APOLOGY TO MRS. CLEVELAND, ETC.

XXVIII.

LETTERS,1888. A YALE DEGREE. WORK ON "THE YANKEE." ON INTERVIEWING, ETC.

XXIX.

LETTERS, 1889. THE MACHINE. DEATH OF MR. CRANE. CONCLUSION OF THE YANKEE.

XXX.

LETTERS, 1890, CHIEFLY TO JOS. T. GOODMAN. THE GREAT MACHINE ENTERPRISE

XXXI.

LETTERS, 1891, TO HOWELLS, MRS. CLEMENS AND OTHERS. RETURN TO LITERATURE. AMERICAN CLAIMANT. LEAVING HARTFORD. EUROPE. DOWN THE RHINE.

XXXII.

LETTERS, 1892, CHIEFLY TO MR. HALL AND MRS. CRANE. IN BERLIN, MENTONE, BAD-NAUHEIM, FLORENCE.

XXXIII.

LETTERS, 1893, TO MR. HALL, MRS. CLEMENS, AND OTHERS. FLORENCE. BUSINESS TROUBLES. "PUDD'NHEAD WILSON." "JOAN OF ARC." AT THE PLAYERS, NEW

XXXIV.

LETTERS 1894. A WINTER IN NEW YORK. BUSINESS FAILURE. END OF THE MACHINE.

XXXV.

LETTERS, 1895-96, TO H. H. ROGERS AND OTHERS. FINISHING "JOAN OF ARC." THE TRIP AROUND THE WORLD. DEATH OF SUSY CLEMENS.

XXXVI.

LETTERS 1897. LONDON, SWITZERLAND, VIENNA

XXXVII.

LETTERS, 1898, TO HOWELLS AND TWICHELL. LIFE IN VIENNA. PAYMENT OF THE DEBTS. ASSASSINATION OF THE EMPRESS.

XXXVIII.

LETTERS, 1899, TO HOWELLS AND OTHERS. VIENNA. LONDON. A SUMMER IN SWEDEN.

XXXIX.

LETTERS OF 1900, MAINLY TO TWICHELL. THE BOER WAR. BOXER TROUBLES. THE RETURN TO AMERICA.

Volume 5.

XL.

LETTERS OF 1901, CHIEFLY TO TWICHELL. MARK TWAIN AS A REFORMER. SUMMER AT SARANAC. ASSASSINATION OF PRESIDENT McKINLEY.

XLI.

LETTERS OF 1902. RIVERDALE. YORK HARBOR. ILLNESS OF MRS. CLEMENS

XLII.

LETTERS OF 1903. TO VARIOUS PERSONS. HARD DAYS AT RIVERDALE. LAST SUMMER AT ELMIRA. THE RETURN TO ITALY.

XLIII.

LETTERS OF 1904. TO VARIOUS PERSONS. LIFE IN VILLA QUARTO. DEATH OF MRS. CLEMENS. THE RETURN TO AMERICA.

XLIV.

LETTERS OF 1905. TO TWICHELL, MR. DUNEKA AND OTHERS. POLITICS AND HUMANITY. A SUMMER AT DUBLIN. MARK TWAIN AT 70.

XLV.

LETTERS, 1906, TO VARIOUS PERSONS. THE FAREWELL LECTURE. A SECOND SUMMER IN DUBLIN. BILLIARDS AND COPYRIGHT.

Volume 6.

XLVI.

LETTERS 1907-08. A DEGREE FROM OXFORD. THE NEW HOME AT REDDING.

XLVII.

LETTERS, 1909. TO HOWELLS AND OTHERS. LIFE AT STORMFIELD. COPYRIGHT EXTENSION. DEATH OF JEAN CLEMENS

XLVIII.

LETTERS OF 1910. LAST TRIP TO BERMUDA. LETTERS TO PAINE. THE LAST LETTER.

Mysterious Stranger

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

A FABLE

HUNTING THE DECEITFUL TURKEY

THE McWILLIAMSES AND THE BURGLAR ALARM

The Double Barrelled Detective

PART I

I

II

III

IV.

V

PART II

I

II

III

IV

V

The Stolen White Elephant

I.

II

III

Rambling Idle Excursion

I.

II.

III.

IV.

Carnival of Crime in CT.

The Loves of Alonzo Fitz

THE LOVES OF ALONZO FITZ CLARENCE AND ROSANNAH ETHELTON

ON THE DECAY OF THE ART OF LYING

ABOUT MAGNANIMOUS-INCIDENT LITERATURE

PUNCH, BROTHERS, PUNCH

THE GREAT REVOLUTION IN PITCAIRN

THE CANVASSER'S TALE

AN ENCOUNTER WITH AN INTERVIEWER

PARIS NOTES

LEGEND OF SAGENFELD, IN GERMANY

SPEECH ON THE BABIES

SPEECH ON THE WEATHER

CONCERNING THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE

ROGERS

Those Extraordinary Twins

CHAPTER I.

THE TWINS AS THEY REALLY WERE

CHAPTER II.

MA COOPER GETS ALL MIXED UP

CHAPTER III.

ANGELO IS BLUE

CHAPTER IV.

SUPERNATURAL CHRONOMETRY

CHAPTER V.

GUILT AND INNOCENCE FINELY BLENT

CHAPTER VI.

THE AMAZING DUEL

CHAPTER VII.

LUIGI DEFIES GALEN

CHAPTER VIII.

BAPTISM OF THE BETTER HALF

CHAPTER IX.

THE DRINKLESS DRUNK

CHAPTER X.

SO THEY HANGED LUIGI

FINAL REMARKS.

A Burlesque Autobiography

BURLESQUE AUTOBIOGRAPHY

AWFUL, TERRIBLE MEDIEVAL ROMANCE

CHAPTER I. THE SECRET REVEALED.

CHAPTER II. FESTIVITY AND TEARS

CHAPTER III. THE PLOT THICKENS.

CHAPTER IV. THE AWFUL REVELATION.

CHAPTER V. THE FRIGHTFUL CATASTROPHE.

Mysterious Stranger

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

A FABLE

HUNTING THE DECEITFUL TURKEY

THE McWILLIAMSES AND THE BURGLAR ALARM

Christian Science

PREFACE

BOOK I. CHRISTIAN SCIENCE

CHAPTER I

CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III

CHAPTER IV

CHAPTER V

CHAPTER VI

CHAPTER VII

CHAPTER VIII

CHAPTER IX

BOOK II.

CHAPTER I

CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III

CHAPTER IV

POSTSCRIPT

CHAPTER V

SUMMARY

CHAPTER VI

THE PASTOR EMERITUS

THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS

THE PRESIDENT

TREASURER AND CLERK

BOARD OF TRUSTEES

READERS

ELECTION OF READERS

THE ARISTOCRACY

CHURCH MEMBERSHIP

AND SOME ENGLISH REQUIRED

"READERS" AGAIN

MONOPOLY OF SPIRITUAL BREAD

CHAPTER VII.

THE NEW INFALLIBILITY

THE SACRED POEMS

THE CHURCH EDIFICE

PRAYER

THE LORD'S PRAYER-AMENDED

THE NEW UNPARDONABLE SIN

AXE AND BLOCK

READING LETTERS AT MEETINGS

HONESTY REQUISITE

FURTHER APPLICATIONS OF THE AXE

MORE SELF-PROTECTIONS

BOARD OF EDUCATION

PUBLIC TEACHERS

BOARD OF LECTURESHIP

MISSIONARIES

THE BY-LAWS

THE CREED

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION

THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE PUBLISHING SOCIETY

CHAPTER VIII

"MOTHER-CHURCH UNIQUE"

"NO FIRST MEMBERS"

"THE"

A LIFE-TERM MONOPOLY

A PERPETUAL ONE

THE SANCTUM SANCTORUM AND SACRED CHAIR

THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE PASTOR-UNIVERSAL

PRICE OF THE PASTOR-UNIVERSAL

SEVEN HUNDRED PER CENT.

CHAPTER IX

CHAPTER X

CHAPTER XI

CHAPTER XII

CHAPTER XIII

CHAPTER XIV

CHAPTER XV

APPENDIX A

APPENDIX B

APPENDIX C

APPENDIX D

APPENDIX E

APPENDIX F

MRS. EDDY IN ERROR

MAIN PARTS OF THE MACHINE

DISTRIBUTION OF THE MACHINE'S POWERS AND DIGNITIES

CONCLUSION

Mark Twain's Speeches

INTRODUCTION

PREFACE

THE STORY OF A SPEECH

PLYMOUTH ROCK AND THE PILGRIMS

COMPLIMENTS AND DEGREES

BOOKS, AUTHORS, AND HATS

DEDICATION SPEECH

DIE SCHRECKEN DER DEUTSCHEN SPRACHE

GERMAN FOR THE HUNGARIANS

A NEW GERMAN WORD

UNCONSCIOUS PLAGIARISM

THE WEATHER

THE BABIES

OUR CHILDREN AND GREAT DISCOVERIES

EDUCATING THEATRE-GOERS

THE EDUCATIONAL THEATRE

POETS AS POLICEMEN

PUDD'NHEAD WILSON DRAMATIZED

DALY THEATRE

THE DRESS OF CIVILIZED WOMAN

DRESS REFORM AND COPYRIGHT

COLLEGE GIRLS

GIRLS

THE LADIES

WOMAN'S PRESS CLUB

VOTES FOR WOMEN

WOMAN-AN OPINION

ADVICE TO GIRLS

TAXES AND MORALS

TAMMANY AND CROKER

MUNICIPAL CORRUPTION

MUNICIPAL GOVERNMENT

CHINA AND THE PHILIPPINES

THEORETICAL MORALS

LAYMAN'S SERMON

UNIVERSITY SETTLEMENT SOCIETY

PUBLIC EDUCATION ASSOCIATION

EDUCATION AND CITIZENSHIP

COURAGE

THE DINNER TO MR. CHOATE

ON STANLEY AND LIVINGSTONE

HENRY M. STANLEY

DINNER TO MR. JEROME

HENRY IRVING

DINNER TO HAMILTON W. MABIE

INTRODUCING NYE AND RILEY

DINNER TO WHITELAW REID

ROGERS AND RAILROADS

THE OLD-FASHIONED PRINTER

SOCIETY OF AMERICAN AUTHORS

READING-ROOM OPENING

LITERATURE

DISAPPEARANCE OF LITERATURE

THE NEW YORK PRESS CLUB DINNER

THE ALPHABET AND SIMPLIFIED SPELLING

SPELLING AND PICTURES

BOOKS AND BURGLARS

AUTHORS' CLUB

BOOKSELLERS

"MARK TWAIN'S FIRST APPEARANCE"

MORALS AND MEMORY

QUEEN VICTORIA

JOAN OF ARC

ACCIDENT INSURANCE—ETC.

OSTEOPATHY

WATER-SUPPLY

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

CATS AND CANDY

OBITUARY POETRY

CIGARS AND TOBACCO

BILLIARDS

THE UNION RIGHT OR WRONG

AN IDEAL FRENCH ADDRESS

STATISTICS

GALVESTON ORPHAN BAZAAR

SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE

CHARITY AND ACTORS

RUSSIAN REPUBLIC

RUSSIAN SUFFERERS

WATTERSON AND TWAIN AS REBELS

ROBERT FULTON FUND

FULTON DAY, JAMESTOWN

LOTOS CLUB DINNER IN HONOR OF MARK TWAIN

COPYRIGHT

IN AID OF THE BLIND

DR. MARK TWAIN, FARMEOPATH

MISSOURI UNIVERSITY SPEECH

BUSINESS

CARNEGIE THE BENEFACTOR

ON POETRY, VERACITY, AND SUICIDE

WELCOME HOME

AN UNDELIVERED SPEECH

SIXTY-SEVENTH BIRTHDAY

TO THE WHITEFRIARS

THE ASCOT GOLD CUP

THE SAVAGE CLUB DINNER

GENERAL MILES AND THE DOG

WHEN IN DOUBT, TELL THE TRUTH

THE DAY WE CELEBRATE

INDEPENDENCE DAY

AMERICANS AND THE ENGLISH

ABOUT LONDON

PRINCETON

THE ST. LOUIS HARBOR-BOAT "MARK TWAIN"

SEVENTIETH BIRTHDAY

1601

INTRODUCTION

THE FIRST PRINTING: Verbatim Reprint

FOOTNOTES To Frivolity

PARTIAL BIBLIOGRAPHY

Curious Republic of Gondour

THE CURIOUS REPUBLIC OF GONDOUR

A MEMORY

INTRODUCTORY TO "MEMORANDA"

ABOUT SMELLS

A COUPLE OF SAD EXPERIENCES

DAN MURPHY

THE "TOURNAMENT" IN A. D. 1870

CURIOUS RELIC FOR SALE

A REMINISCENCE OF THE BACK SETTLEMENTS

A ROYAL COMPLIMENT

THE APPROACHING EPIDEMIC

THE TONE-IMPARTING COMMITTEE

OUR PRECIOUS LUNATIC

THE EUROPEAN WARS—

[From the Buffalo Express, July 25, 1870.]

THE WILD MAN INTERVIEWED—

[From the Buffalo Express, September 18, 1869.]

LAST WORDS OF GREAT MEN—

[From the Buffalo Express, September 11, 1889.]

Goldsmith's Friend Abroad Again

LETTER I

LETTER II

LETTER III

LETTER IV

LETTER V

LETTER VI

LETTER VII

Essays on Paul Bourget

WHAT PAUL BOURGET THINKS OF US

A LITTLE NOTE TO M. PAUL BOURGET

How to Tell a Story

HOW TO TELL A STORY

THE WOUNDED SOLDIER.

THE GOLDEN ARM.

MENTAL TELEGRAPHY AGAIN

THE INVALID'S STORY

Fennimore Cooper Offences

Defence of Harriet Shelley

I

II

III

Hadleyberg Stories et al.

THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG

MY FIRST LIE, AND HOW I GOT OUT OF IT

THE ESQUIMAUX MAIDEN'S ROMANCE

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND THE BOOK OF MRS. EDDY

IS HE LIVING OR IS HE DEAD?

MY DEBUT AS A LITERARY PERSON

AT THE APPETITE-CURE

CONCERNING THE JEWS

FROM THE 'LONDON TIMES' OF 1904

ABOUT PLAY-ACTING

TRAVELLING WITH A REFORMER

DIPLOMATIC PAY AND CLOTHES

LUCK

THE CAPTAIN'S STORY

STIRRING TIMES IN AUSTRIA

PRIVATE HISTORY OF THE 'JUMPING FROG' STORY

[Translation.]

[My Retranslation.]

MY MILITARY CAMPAIGN

MEISTERSCHAFT

ACT I. SCENE I.

ACT II. SCENE I.

ACT III.

MY BOYHOOD DREAMS

TO THE ABOVE OLD PEOPLE

IN MEMORIAM

What Is Man? And Others

WHAT IS MAN?

THE DEATH OF JEAN

THE TURNING-POINT OF MY LIFE

HOW TO MAKE HISTORY DATES STICK

THE MEMORABLE ASSASSINATION

A SCRAP OF CURIOUS HISTORY

SWITZERLAND, THE CRADLE OF LIBERTY

AT THE SHRINE OF ST. WAGNER

WILLIAM DEAN HOWELLS

ENGLISH AS SHE IS TAUGHT

ON GIRLS

A SIMPLIFIED ALPHABET

AS CONCERNS INTERPRETING THE DEITY

CONCERNING TOBACCO

THE BEE

TAMING THE BICYCLE

IS SHAKESPEARE DEAD?

Tom Sawyer Abroad

CHAPTER I.

TOM SEEKS NEW ADVENTURES

CHAPTER II.

THE BALLOON ASCENSION

CHAPTER III.

TOM EXPLAINS

CHAPTER IV.

STORM

CHAPTER V.

LAND

CHAPTER VI.

IT'S A CARAVAN

CHAPTER VII.

TOM RESPECTS THE FLEA

CHAPTER VIII.

THE DISAPPEARING LAKE

CHAPTER IX.

TOM DISCOURSES ON THE DESERT

CHAPTER X.

THE TREASURE-HILL

CHAPTER XI.

THE SAND-STORM

CHAPTER XII.

JIM STANDING SIEGE

CHAPTER XIII.

GOING FOR TOM'S PIPE

Tom Sawyer, Detective

CHAPTER I.

AN INVITATION FOR TOM AND HUCK

CHAPTER II.

JAKE DUNLAP

CHAPTER III.

A DIAMOND ROBBERY

CHAPTER IV.

THE THREE SLEEPERS

CHAPTER V.

A TRAGEDY IN THE WOODS

CHAPTER VI.

PLANS TO SECURE THE DIAMONDS

CHAPTER VII.

A NIGHT'S VIGIL

CHAPTER VIII.

TALKING WITH THE GHOST

CHAPTER IX.

FINDING OF JUBITER DUNLAP

CHAPTER X.

THE ARREST OF UNCLE SILAS

CHAPTER XI.

TOM SAWYER DISCOVERS THE MURDERERS

The $30,000 Bequest and Others

THE $30,000 BEQUEST

CHAPTER I

CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III

CHAPTER IV

CHAPTER V

CHAPTER VI

CHAPTER VII

CHAPTER VIII

A DOG'S TALE

CHAPTER I

CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III

WAS IT HEAVEN? OR HELL?

CHAPTER I

CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III

CHAPTER IV

CHAPTER V

CHAPTER VI

CHAPTER VII

CHAPTER VIII

CHAPTER IX

CHAPTER X

A CURE FOR THE BLUES

THE CURIOUS BOOK

THE CALIFORNIAN'S TALE

A HELPLESS SITUATION

A TELEPHONIC CONVERSATION

EDWARD MILLS AND GEORGE BENTON: A TALE

THE FIVE BOONS OF LIFE

Chapter I

Chapter II

Chapter III

Chapter IV

Chapter V

THE FIRST WRITING-MACHINES

ITALIAN WITHOUT A MASTER

ITALIAN WITH GRAMMAR

A BURLESQUE BIOGRAPHY

HOW TO TELL A STORY

GENERAL WASHINGTON'S NEGRO BODY-SERVANT

WIT INSPIRATIONS OF THE "TWO-YEAR-OLDS"

AN ENTERTAINING ARTICLE

A LETTER TO THE SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY

AMENDED OBITUARIES

A MONUMENT TO ADAM

A HUMANE WORD FROM SATAN

INTRODUCTION TO "THE NEW GUIDE OF THE

CONVERSATION IN PORTUGUESE AND ENGLISH"

ADVICE TO LITTLE GIRLS

POST-MORTEM POETRY (1)

THE DANGER OF LYING IN BED

PORTRAIT OF KING WILLIAM III

DOES THE RACE OF MAN LOVE A LORD?

EXTRACTS FROM ADAM'S DIARY

EVE'S DIARY

EXTRACT FROM ADAM'S DIARY

Recollections of Joan of Arc, I.

PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS OF JOAN OF ARC

TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE

A PECULIARITY OF JOAN OF ARC'S HISTORY

THE SIEUR LOUIS DE CONTE

BOOK I IN DOMREMY

Chapter 1 When Wolves Ran Free in Paris

Chapter 2 The Fairy Tree of Domremy

Chapter 3 All Aflame with Love of France

Chapter 4 Joan Tames the Mad Man

Chapter 5 Domremy Pillaged and Burned

Chapter 6 Joan and Archangel Michael

Chapter 7 She Delivers the Divine Command

Chapter 8 Why the Scorners Relented

BOOK II IN COURT AND CAMP

Chapter 1 Joan Says Good-By

Chapter 2 The Governor Speeds Joan

Chapter 3 The Paladin Groans and Boasts

Chapter 4 Joan Leads Us Through the Enemy

Chapter 5 We Pierce the Last Ambuscades

Chapter 6 Joan Convinces the King

Chapter 7 Our Paladin in His Glory

Chapter 8 Joan Persuades Her Inquisitors

Chapter 9 She Is Made General-in-Chief

Chapter 10 The Maid's Sword and Banner

Chapter 11 The War March Is Begun

Chapter 12 Joan Puts Heart in Her Army

Chapter 13 Checked by the Folly of the Wise

Chapter 14 What the English Answered

Chapter 15 My Exquisite Poem Goes to Smash

Chapter 16 The Finding of the Dwarf

Chapter 17 Sweet Fruit of Bitter Truth

Chapter 18 Joan's First Battle-Field

Chapter 19 We Burst In Upon Ghosts

Chapter 20 Joan Makes Cowards Brave Victors

Chapter 21 She Gently Reproves Her Dear Friend

Chapter 22 The Fate of France Decided

Chapter 23 Joan Inspires the Tawdry King

Chapter 24 Tinsel Trappings of Nobility

Chapter 25 At Last—Forward!

Chapter 26 The Last Doubts Scattered

Chapter 27 How Joan Took Jargeau

Recollections of Joan of Arc, II.

BOOK II — IN COURT AND CAMP (Continued)

28 Joan Foretells Her Doom

29 Fierce Talbot Reconsiders

30 The Red Field of Patay

31 France Begins to Live Again

32 The Joyous News Flies Fast

33 Joan's Five Great Deeds

34 The Jests of the Burgundians

35 The Heir of France is Crowned

36 Joan Hears News from Home

37 Again to Arms

38 The King Cries "Forward!"

39 We Win, But the King Balks

40 Treachery Conquers Joan

41 The Maid Will March No More

BOOK III TRIAL AND MARTYRDOM

1 The Maid in Chains

2 Joan Sold to the English

3 Weaving the Net About Her

4 All Ready to Condemn

5 Fifty Experts Against a Novice

6 The Maid Baffles Her Persecutors

7 Craft That Was in Vain

8 Joan Tells of Her Visions

9 Her Sure Deliverance Foretold

10 The Inquisitors at Their Wits' End

11 The Court Reorganized for Assassination

12 Joan's Master-Stroke Diverted

13 The Third Trial Fails

14 Joan Struggles with Her Twelve Lies

15 Undaunted by Threat of Burning

16 Joan Stands Defiant Before the Rack

17 Supreme in Direst Peril

18 Condemned Yet Unafraid

19 Our Last Hopes of Rescue Fail

20 The Betrayal

21 Respited Only for Torture

22 Joan Gives the Fatal Answer

23 The Time Is at Hand

24 Joan the Martyr

CONCLUSION

Autobiography, Vol. I.

Autobiography, Vol. II.

THE INNOCENTS ABROAD

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I.

Popular Talk of the Excursion—Programme of the Trip—Duly Ticketed for the Excursion—Defection of the Celebrities

CHAPTER II.

Grand Preparations—An Imposing Dignitary—The European Exodus— Mr. Blucher’s Opinion—Stateroom No. 10—The Assembling of the Clans— At Sea at Last

CHAPTER III.

“Averaging” the Passengers—Far, far at Sea.—Tribulation among the Patriarchs—Seeking Amusement under Difficulties—Five Captains in the Ship

CHAPTER IV.

The Pilgrims Becoming Domesticated—Pilgrim Life at Sea—“Horse- Billiards”—The “Synagogue”—The Writing School—Jack’s “Journal”— The “Q. C. Club”—The Magic Lantern—State Ball on Deck—Mock Trials— Charades—Pilgrim Solemnity—Slow Music—The Executive Officer Delivers an Opinion

CHAPTER V.

Summer in Mid-Atlantic—An Eccentric Moon—Mr. Blucher Loses Confidence—The Mystery of “Ship Time”—The Denizens of the Deep—“Land Hoh”— The First Landing on a Foreign Shore—Sensation among the Natives— Something about the Azores Islands—Blucher’s Disastrous Dinner— The Happy Result

CHAPTER VI.

Solid Information—A Fossil Community—Curious Ways and Customs—Jesuit Humbuggery—Fantastic Pilgrimizing—Origin of the Russ Pavement— Squaring Accounts with the Fossils—At Sea Again

CHAPTER VII.

A Tempest at Night—Spain and Africa on Exhibition—Greeting a Majestic Stranger—The Pillars of Hercules—The Rock of Gibraltar—Tiresome Repetition—“The Queen’s Chair”—Serenity Conquered—Curiosities of the Secret Caverns—Personnel of Gibraltar—Some Odd Characters—A Private Frolic in Africa—Bearding a Moorish Garrison (without loss of life)—Vanity Rebuked—Disembarking in the Empire of Morocco

CHAPTER VIII.

The Ancient City of Tangier, Morocco—Strange Sights—A Cradle of Antiquity—We become Wealthy—How they Rob the Mail in Africa—The Danger of being Opulent in Morocco

CHAPTER IX.

A Pilgrim—in Deadly Peril—How they Mended the Clock—Moorish Punishments for Crime—Marriage Customs—Looking Several ways for Sunday—Shrewd, Practice of Mohammedan Pilgrims—Reverence for Cats—Bliss of being a Consul-General

CHAPTER X.

Fourth of July at Sea—Mediterranean Sunset—The “Oracle” is Delivered of an Opinion—Celebration Ceremonies—The Captain’s Speech—France in Sight—The Ignorant Native—In Marseilles—Another Blunder—Lost in the Great City—Found Again—A Frenchy Scene

CHAPTER XI.

Getting used to it—No Soap—Bill of Fare, Table d’hote—“An American Sir”—A Curious Discovery—The “Pilgrim” Bird—Strange Companionship—A Grave of the Living—A Long Captivity—Some of Dumas’ Heroes—Dungeon of the Famous “Iron Mask.”

CHAPTER XII.

A Holiday Flight through France—Summer Garb of the Landscape—Abroad on the Great Plains—Peculiarities of French Cars—French Politeness American Railway Officials—“Twenty Minutes to Dinner!”—Why there are no Accidents—The “Old Travellers”—Still on the Wing—Paris at Last——French Order and Quiet—Place of the Bastile—Seeing the Sights—A Barbarous Atrocity—Absurd Billiards

CHAPTER XIII.

More Trouble—Monsieur Billfinger—Re-Christening the Frenchman—In the Clutches of a Paris Guide—The International Exposition—Fine Military Review—Glimpse of the Emperor Napoleon and the Sultan of Turkey

CHAPTER XIV.

The Venerable Cathedral of Notre-Dame—Jean Sanspeur’s Addition—Treasures and Sacred Relics—The Legend of the Cross—The Morgue—The Outrageious ‘Can-Can’—Blondin Aflame—The Louvre Palace—The Great Park—Showy Pageantry—Preservation of Noted Things

CHAPTER XV.

French National Burying—Ground—Among the Great Dead—The Shrine of Disappointed Love—The Story of Abelard and Heloise—“English Spoken Here”—“American Drinks Compounded Here”—Imperial Honors to an American—The Over-estimated Grisette—Departure from Paris—A Deliberate Opinion Concerning the Comeliness of American Women

CHAPTER XVI.

Versailles—Paradise Regained—A Wonderful Park—Paradise Lost—Napoleonic Strategy

CHAPTER XVII.

War—The American Forces Victorious—“Home Again”—Italy in Sight The “City of Palaces”—Beauty of the Genoese Women—The “Stub-Hunters”—Among the Palaces—Gifted Guide—Church Magnificence—“Women not Admitted”—How the Genoese Live—Massive Architecture—A Scrap of Ancient History—Graves for 60,000

CHAPTER XVIII.

Flying Through Italy—Marengo—First Glimpse of the Famous Cathedral—Description of some of its Wonders—A Horror Carved in Stone——An Unpleasant Adventure—A Good Man—A Sermon from the Tomb—Tons of Gold and Silver—Some More Holy Relics—Solomon’s Temple

CHAPTER XIX

“Do You Wiz zo Haut can be?”—La Scala—Petrarch and Laura—Lucrezia Borgia—Ingenious Frescoes—Ancient Roman Amphitheatre—A Clever Delusion—Distressing Billiards—The Chief Charm of European Life—An Italian Bath—Wanted: Soap—Crippled French—Mutilated English—The Most Celebrated Painting in the World—Amateur Raptures—Uninspired Critics—Anecdote—A Wonderful Echo—A Kiss for a Franc

CHAPTER XX.

Rural Italy by Rail—Fumigated, According to Law—The Sorrowing Englishman—Night by the Lake of Como—The Famous Lake—Its Scenery—Como compared with Tahoe—Meeting a Shipmate

CHAPTER XXI.

The Pretty Lago di Lecco--A Carriage Drive in the Country--Astonishing Sociability in a Coachman--Sleepy Land--Bloody Shrines--The Heart and Home of Priestcraft--A Thrilling Mediaeval Romance--The Birthplace of Harlequin--Approaching Venice

CHAPTER XXII.

Night in Venice--The “Gay Gondolier"--The Grand Fete by Moonlight--The Notable Sights of Venice--The Mother of the Republics Desolate

CHAPTER XXIII.

The Famous Gondola--The Gondola in an Unromantic Aspect--The Great Square of St. Mark and the Winged Lion--Snobs, at Home and Abroad--Sepulchres of the Great Dead--A Tilt at the “Old Masters"--A Contraband Guide--The Conspiracy--Moving Again

CHAPTER XXIV.

Down Through Italy by Rail--Idling in Florence--Dante and Galileo--An Ungrateful City--Dazzling Generosity--Wonderful Mosaics--The Historical Arno--Lost Again--Found Again, but no Fatted Calf Ready--The Leaning Tower of Pisa--The Ancient Duomo--The Old Original First Pendulum that Ever Swung--An Enchanting Echo--A New Holy Sepulchre--A Relic of Antiquity--A Fallen Republic--At Leghorn--At Home Again, and Satisfied, on Board the Ship--Our Vessel an Object of Grave Suspicion--Garibaldi Visited--Threats of Quarantine

CHAPTER XXV.

The Works of Bankruptcy--Railway Grandeur--How to Fill an Empty Treasury--The Sumptuousness of Mother Church--Ecclesiastical Splendor--Magnificence and Misery--General Execration--More Magnificence A Good Word for the Priests--Civita Vecchia the Dismal--Off for Rome

CHAPTER XXVI.

The Modern Roman on His Travels--The Grandeur of St. Peter’s--Holy Relics--Grand View from the Dome--The Holy Inquisition--Interesting Old Monkish Frauds--The Ruined Coliseum--The Coliseum in the Days of its Prime--Ancient Playbill of a Coliseum Performance--A Roman Newspaper Criticism 1700 Years Old

CHAPTER XXVII.

“Butchered to Make a Roman Holiday"--The Man who Never Complained--An Exasperating Subject--Asinine Guides--The Roman Catacombs The Saint Whose Fervor Burst his Ribs--The Miracle of the Bleeding Heart--The Legend of Ara Coeli

CHAPTER XXVIII.

Picturesque Horrors--The Legend of Brother Thomas--Sorrow Scientifically Analyzed--A Festive Company of the Dead--The Great Vatican Museum Artist Sins of Omission--The Rape of the Sabines--Papal Protection of Art--High Price of “Old Masters"--Improved Scripture--Scale of Rank of the Holy Personages in Rome--Scale of Honors Accorded Them--Fossilizing--Away for Naples

CHAPTER XXIX.

Naples--In Quarantine at Last--Annunciation--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius--A Two Cent Community--The Black Side of Neapolitan Character--Monkish Miracles--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Stranger and the Hackman--Night View of Naples from the Mountain-side---Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued

CHAPTER XXX.

Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--Beautiful View at Dawn--Less Beautiful in the Back Streets--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--Dwellings a Hundred Feet High--A Motley Procession--Bill of Fare for a Peddler’s Breakfast--Princely Salaries--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--An Average of Prices--The wonderful “Blue Grotto"--Visit to Celebrated Localities in the Bay of Naples--The Poisoned “Grotto of the Dog"--A Petrified Sea of Lava--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Summit Reached--Description of the Crater--Descent of Vesuvius

CHAPTER XXXI.

The Buried City of Pompeii—How Dwellings Appear that have been Unoccupied for Eighteen hundred years—The Judgment Seat—Desolation—The Footprints of the Departed—“No Women Admitted”—Theatres, Bakeshops, Schools—Skeletons preserved by the Ashes and Cinders—The Brave Martyr to Duty—Rip Van Winkle—The Perishable Nature of Fame

CHAPTER XXXII.

At Sea Once More—The Pilgrims all Well—Superb Stromboli—Sicily by Moonlight—Scylla and Charybdis—The “Oracle” at Fault—Skirting the Isles of Greece Ancient Athens—Blockaded by Quarantine and Refused Permission to Enter—Running the Blockade—A Bloodless Midnight Adventure—Turning Robbers from Necessity—Attempt to Carry the Acropolis by Storm—We Fail—Among the Glories of the Past—A World of Ruined Sculpture—A Fairy Vision—Famous Localities—Retreating in Good Order—Captured by the Guards—Travelling in Military State—Safe on Board Again

CHAPTER XXXIII.

Modern Greece—Fallen Greatness—Sailing Through the Archipelago and the Dardanelles—Footprints of History—The First Shoddy Contractor of whom History gives any Account—Anchored Before Constantinople—Fantastic Fashions—The Ingenious Goose-Rancher—Marvelous Cripples—The Great Mosque—The Thousand and One Columns—The Grand Bazaar of Stamboul

CHAPTER XXXIV.

Scarcity of Morals and Whiskey—Slave-Girl Market Report—Commercial Morality at a Discount—The Slandered Dogs of Constantinople—Questionable Delights of Newspaperdom in Turkey—Ingenious Italian Journalism—No More Turkish Lunches Desired—The Turkish Bath Fraud—The Narghileh Fraud—Jackplaned by a Native—The Turkish Coffee Fraud

CHAPTER XXXV.

Sailing Through the Bosporus and the Black Sea—“Far-Away Moses”—Melancholy Sebastopol—Hospitably Received in Russia—Pleasant English People—Desperate Fighting—Relic Hunting—How Travellers Form “Cabinets”

CHAPTER XXXVI.

Nine Thousand Miles East—Imitation American Town in Russia—Gratitude that Came Too Late—To Visit the Autocrat of All the Russias

CHAPTER XXXVII.

Summer Home of Royalty—Practising for the Dread Ordeal—Committee on Imperial Address—Reception by the Emperor and Family—Dresses of the Imperial Party—Concentrated Power—Counting the Spoons—At the Grand Duke’s—A Charming Villa—A Knightly Figure—The Grand Duchess—A Grand Ducal Breakfast—Baker’s Boy, the Famine-Breeder—Theatrical Monarchs a Fraud—Saved as by Fire—The Governor—General’s Visit to the Ship—Official “Style”—Aristocratic Visitors—“Munchausenizing” with Them—Closing Ceremonies

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

Return to Constantinople—We Sail for Asia—The Sailors Burlesque the Imperial Visitors—Ancient Smyrna—The “Oriental Splendor” Fraud—The “Biblical Crown of Life”—Pilgrim Prophecy-Savans—Sociable Armenian Girls—A Sweet Reminiscence—“The Camels are Coming, Ha-ha!”

CHAPTER XXXIX.

Smyrna’s Lions—The Martyr Polycarp—The “Seven Churches”—Remains of the Six Smyrnas—Mysterious Oyster Mine Oysters—Seeking Scenery—A Millerite Tradition—A Railroad Out of its Sphere

CHAPTER XL.

Journeying Toward Ancient Ephesus—Ancient Ayassalook—The Villanous Donkey—A Fantastic Procession—Bygone Magnificence—Fragments of History—The Legend of the Seven Sleepers

CHAPTER XLI.

Vandalism Prohibited—Angry Pilgrims—Approaching Holy Land!—The “Shrill Note of Preparation”—Distress About Dragomans and Transportation—The “Long Route” Adopted—In Syria—Something about Beirout—A Choice Specimen of a Greek “Ferguson”—Outfits—Hideous Horseflesh—Pilgrim “Style”—What of Aladdin’s Lamp?

CHAPTER XLII.

“Jacksonville,” in the Mountains of Lebanon—Breakfasting above a Grand Panorama—The Vanished City—The Peculiar Steed, “Jericho”—The Pilgrims Progress—Bible Scenes—Mount Hermon, Joshua’s Battle Fields, etc.—The Tomb of Noah—A Most Unfortunate People

CHAPTER XLIII.

Patriarchal Customs—Magnificent Baalbec—Description of the Ruins—Scribbling Smiths and Joneses—Pilgrim Fidelity to the Letter of the Law—The Revered Fountain of Baalam’s Ass

CHAPTER XLIV.

Extracts from Note-Book—Mahomet’s Paradise and the Bible’s—Beautiful Damascus the Oldest City on Earth—Oriental Scenes within the Curious Old City—Damascus Street Car—The Story of St. Paul—The “Street called Straight”—Mahomet’s Tomb and St. George’s—The Christian Massacre—Mohammedan Dread of Pollution—The House of Naaman—The Horrors of Leprosy

CHAPTER XLV.

The Cholera by way of Variety—Hot—Another Outlandish Procession—Pen and-Ink Photograph of “Jonesborough,” Syria—Tomb of Nimrod, the Mighty Hunter—The Stateliest Ruin of All—Stepping over the Borders of Holy-Land—Bathing in the Sources of Jordan—More “Specimen” Hunting—Ruins of Cesarea—Philippi—“On This Rock Will I Build my Church”—The People the Disciples Knew—The Noble Steed “Baalbec”—Sentimental Horse Idolatry of the Arabs

CHAPTER XLVI.

Dan—Bashan—Genessaret—A Notable Panorama—Smallness of Palestine—Scraps of History—Character of the Country—Bedouin Shepherds—Glimpses of the Hoary Past—Mr. Grimes’s Bedouins—A Battle—Ground of Joshua—That Soldier’s Manner of Fighting—Barak’s Battle—The Necessity of Unlearning Some Things—Desolation

CHAPTER XLVII.

“Jack’s Adventure”—Joseph’s Pit—The Story of Joseph—Joseph’s Magnanimity and Esau’s—The Sacred Lake of Genessaret—Enthusiasm of the Pilgrims—Why We did not Sail on Galilee—About Capernaum—Concerning the Saviour’s Brothers and Sisters—Journeying toward Magdela

CHAPTER XLVIII.

Curious Specimens of Art and Architecture—Public Reception of the Pilgrims—Mary Magdalen’s House—Tiberias and its Queer Inhabitants—The Sacred Sea of Galilee—Galilee by Night

CHAPTER XLIX.

The Ancient Baths—Ye Apparition—A Distinguished Panorama—The Last Battle of the Crusades—The Story of the Lord of Kerak—Mount Tabor—What one Sees from its Top—Memory of a Wonderful Garden—The House of Deborah the Prophetess

CHAPTER L.

Toward Nazareth—Bitten By a Camel—Grotto of the Annunciation, Nazareth—Noted Grottoes in General—Joseph’s Workshop—A Sacred Bowlder—The Fountain of the Virgin—Questionable Female Beauty—Literary Curiosities

CHAPTER LI.

Boyhood of the Saviour—Unseemly Antics of Sober Pilgrims—Home of the Witch of Endor—Nain—Profanation—A Popular Oriental Picture—Biblical Metaphors Becoming steadily More Intelligible—The Shuuem Miracle—The “Free Son of The Desert”—Ancient Jezrael—Jehu’s Achievements—Samaria and its Famous Siege

CHAPTER LII.

Curious Remnant of the Past—Shechem—The Oldest “First Family” on Earth—The Oldest Manuscript Extant—The Genuine Tomb of Joseph—Jacob’s Well—Shiloh—Camping with the Arabs—Jacob’s Ladder—More Desolation—Ramah, Beroth, the Tomb of Samuel, The Fountain of Beira—Impatience—Approaching Jerusalem—The Holy City in Sight—Noting Its Prominent Features—Domiciled Within the Sacred Walls

CHAPTER LIII.

“The Joy of the Whole Earth”—Description of Jerusalem—Church of the Holy Sepulchre—The Stone of Unction—The Grave of Jesus—Graves of Nicodemus and Joseph of Armattea—Places of the Apparition—The Finding of the There Crosses——The Legend—Monkish Impostures—The Pillar of Flagellation—The Place of a Relic—Godfrey’s Sword—“The Bonds of Christ”—“The Center of the Earth”—Place whence the Dust was taken of which Adam was Made—Grave of Adam—The Martyred Soldier—The Copper Plate that was on the Cross—The Good St. Helena—Place of the Division of the Garments—St. Dimas, the Penitent Thief—The Late Emperor Maximilian’s Contribution—Grotto wherein the Crosses were Found, and the Nails, and the Crown of Thorns—Chapel of the Mocking—Tomb of Melchizedek—Graves of Two Renowned Crusaders—The Place of the Crucifixion

CHAPTER LIV.

The “Sorrowful Way”—The Legend of St. Veronica’s Handkerchief—An Illustrious Stone—House of the Wandering Jew—The Tradition of the Wanderer—Solomon’s Temple—Mosque of Omar—Moslem Traditions—“Women not Admitted”—The Fate of a Gossip—Turkish Sacred Relics—Judgment Seat of David and Saul—Genuine Precious Remains of Solomon’s Temple—Surfeited with Sights—The Pool of Siloam—The Garden of Gethsemane and Other Sacred Localities

CHAPTER LV.

Rebellion in the Camp—Charms of Nomadic Life—Dismal Rumors—En Route for Jericho and The Dead Sea—Pilgrim Strategy—Bethany and the Dwelling of Lazarus—“Bedouins!”—Ancient Jericho—Misery—The Night March—The Dead Sea—An Idea of What a “Wilderness” in Palestine is—The Holy hermits of Mars Saba—Good St. Saba—Women not Admitted—Buried from the World for all Time—Unselfish Catholic Benevolence—Gazelles—The Plain of the Shepherds—Birthplace of the Saviour, Bethlehem—Church of the Nativity—Its Hundred Holy Places—The Famous “Milk” Grotto—Tradition—Return to Jerusalem—Exhausted

CHAPTER LVI.

Departure from Jerusalem—Samson—The Plain of Sharon—Arrival at Joppa—Horse of Simon the Tanner—The Long Pilgrimage Ended—Character of Palestine Scenery—The Curse

CHAPTER LVII.

The Happiness of being at Sea once more—“Home” as it is in a Pleasure Ship—“Shaking Hands” with the Vessel—Jack in Costume—His Father’s Parting Advice—Approaching Egypt—Ashore in Alexandria—A Deserved Compliment for the Donkeys—Invasion of the Lost Tribes of America—End of the Celebrated “Jaffa Colony”—Scenes in Grand Cairo—Shepheard’s Hotel Contrasted with a Certain American Hotel—Preparing for the Pyramids

CHAPTER LVIII.

“Recherche” Donkeys—A Wild Ride—Specimens of Egyptian Modesty—Moses in the Bulrushes—Place where the Holy Family Sojourned—Distant view of the Pyramids—A Nearer View—The Ascent—Superb View from the top of the Pyramid—“Backsheesh! Backsheesh!”—An Arab Exploit—In the Bowels of the Pyramid—Strategy—Reminiscence of “Holiday’s Hill”—Boyish Exploit—The Majestic Sphynx—Things the Author will not Tell—Grand Old Egypt

CHAPTER LIX.

Going Home—A Demoralized Note-Book—A Boy’s Diary—Mere Mention of Old Spain—Departure from Cadiz—A Deserved Rebuke—The Beautiful Madeiras—Tabooed—In the Delightful Bermudas—An English Welcome—Good-by to “Our Friends the Bermudians”—Packing Trunks for Home—Our First Accident—The Long Cruise Drawing to a Close—At Home—Amen

CHAPTER LX.

Thankless Devotion—A Newspaper Valedictory—Conclusion

CHAPTER LXI.

CONCLUSION.

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

1. THE QUAKER CITY IN A STORM—FRONTPIECE

2. ILLUMINATED TITLE-PAGE-THE PILGRIM’S VISION

3. “I ‘LL PAY YOU IN PARIS"

4. THE START

5. “GOOD MORNING, SIR"

6. THE OLD PIRATE

7. DANCING UNDER DIFFICULTIES

8. THE MOCK TRIAL

9. “LAND, HO!”

10. THE CAPOTE

11. RUIN AND DESOLATION

12. PORT OF HORTA, FAYAL

13. “SEKKI-YAH"

14. BEAUTIFUL STRANGER

15. ROCK OF GIBRALTAR

16. “QUEEN’S CHAIR"

17. THE ORACLE

18. THE INTERROGATION POINT

19. GARRISON AT MALABAT

20. ENTERTAINING AN ANGEL

21. VIEW OF A STREET IN TANGIER

22. CHANGE FOR A NAPOLEON

23. THE CONSUL’S FAMILY

24. “POET LARIAT"

25. FIRST SUPPER IN FRANCE

26. PAINTING

27.  RINGING FOR SOAP

28.  “WINE, SIR!”

29.  THE PILGRIM

30.  THE PRISONER

31.  HOMELESS FRANCE

32.  RAILROAD OFFICIAL IN FRANCE

33.  “FIVE MINUTES FOR REFRESHMENTS”—AMERICA

34.  “THIRTY MINUTES FOR DINNER”—FRANCE

35.  THE OLD TRAVELLER

36.  A DECIDED SHAVE

37.  A GAS-TLY SUBSTITUTE

38.  THE THREE GUIDES

39.  “ZE SILK MAGAZIN"

40.  RETURN IN WAR PAINT

41.  NAPOLEON III

42.  ABDUL AZIZ

43.  THE MORGUE

44.  WE TOOK A WALK

45.  THE CAN-CAN

46.  GRAVES OF ABELARD AND HELOISE

47.  A PAIR OF CANONS OF 13TH CENTURY

48.  THE PRIVATE MARRIAGE

49.  AMERICAN DRINKS

50.  ROYAL HONORS TO A YANKEE

51.  THE GRISETTE

52.  FOUNTAIN AT VERSAILLES

53.  WOMEN OF GENOA

54.  PETRIFIED LACKEY

55.  PRIEST AND FRIAR

56.  STATUE OF COLUMBUS

57.  GRAVES OF SIXTY THOUSAND

58.  ROOF AND SPIRES OF CATHEDRAL AT MILAN

59.  CENTRAL DOOR OF CATHEDRAL AT MILAN

60.  INTERIOR OF CATHEDRAL AT MILAN

61.  BOYHOOD EXPERIENCE

62.  TREASURES OF THE CATHEDRAL

63.  CATHEDRAL AT MILAN

64.  LA SCALA THEATRE

65.  COPYING FROM OLD MASTERS

66.  FACIAL EXPRESSION

67.  TILE ECHO

68.  NOTE BOOK

69.  A KISS FOR A FRANC

70.  THE FUMIGATION

71.  LAKE COMO

72.  GARDEN, LAKE COMO

73 SOCIAL DRIVER

74 WAYSIDE SHRINE

75 PEACE AND HAPPINESS

76 CASTLE OF COUNT LUIGI

77 THE WICKED BROTHER

78 DISGUSTED GONDOLIER

79 CATHEDRAL OF ST. MARK

80 THE PEG

81 “GOOD-BY"

82 M’SIEUR GOR-R-DONG

83 MONUMENT TO THE DOOR

84 ST. MARK, MATHEW, JEROME BY THE OLD MASTERS

87 ST. SEBASTIAN, AND ST. UNKNOWN BY THE OLD MASTERS

89 RIALTO BRIDGE AND BRIDGE OF SIGHS

91 FLORENCE

92 THE PENSIONER

93 “I WANT TO GO HOME"

94 THE LEANING TOWER

95 THE CONTRAST

96 ITALIAN PASTIMES

97 INCENDIARY DOCUMENT

98 A ROMAN OF 1869

99 MAMERTINE PRISON

100 OLD ROMAN

101 COLISEUM OF ANCIENT ROME

102 DID NOT COMPLAIN

103 HUMBOLDT HOUSE

104 DAN

105 BRONZE STATUE

106 PENMANSHIP

107 ON A BUST

108 VAULTS OF THE CONVENT

109 DRIED CONVENT FRUITS

110 AT THE STORE

111 AT HOME

112 SOOTHING THE PILGRIMS

113 ASCENT OF MT VESUVIUS

114 BAY OF NAPLES

115 THE MUSTANG

116 ISLAND OF CAPRI

117 BLUE GROTTO

118 VESUVIUS AND BAY of NAPLES

119 THE DESCENT

120 RUINS, POMPEII

121 FORUM OF JUSTICE, POMPEII

122 HOUSE; POMPEII

123 STROMBOLI

124 VIEW OF THE ACROPOLIS, LOOKING WEST

125 “HO"

126 THE ASSAULT

127 THE CARYATIDES

128 THE PARTHENON

129 WE SIDLED, NOT RAN

130 ANCIENT ACROPOLIS

131 RUINS

132 QUEEN OF GREECE

133 PALACE AT ATHENS

134 STREET SCENE IN CONSTANTINOPLE

135 GOOSE RANCHER

136 MOSQUE of ST. SOPHIA

137 TURKISH MAUSOLEUM

138 SLANDERED DOGS

139 THE CENSOR ON DUTY

140 TURKISH BATH

141 FAR-AWAY-MOSES

142 A FRAGMENT

143 A MEMENTO

144 YALTA FROM THE EMPERORS PALACE

145 EMPEROR OF RUSSIA

146 TINSEL KING

147 SHIP EMPEROR

148 THE RECEPTION

149 STREET SCENE IN SMYRNA

150 SMYRNA

151 AN APPARENT SUCCESS

152 DRIFTING TO STARBOARD

153 A SPOILED NAP

154 ANCIENT AMPHITHEATER AT EPHESUS

155 MODERN AMPHITHEATRE AT EPHESUS

156 RUINS OF EPHESUS

157 THE JOURNEY

158 GRAVES OF THE SEVEN SLEEPERS

159 THE SELECTION

160 CAMPING OUT

161 ARABS’ TENTS

162 A GOOD FEEDER

163 INTERESTING FETE

164 SUNDAY SCHOOL GRAPES

165 AN OLD FOGY

166 RACE WITH A CAMEL

167 TEMPLE OF TILE SUN

168 RUINS OF BAALBEC

169 HEWN STONES IN QUARRY

170 MERCY

171 PATRON SAINT

172 WATER CAPRIER

173 VIEW OF DAMASCUS

174 STREET CARS OF DAMASCUS

175 FULL DRESSED TOURIST

176 IMPROMPTU HOSPITAL

177 THE HORSE “BAALBEC"

178 OAR OF BASLIAN

179 DANGEROUS ARAB

180 GRIMES ON THE WAR-PATH

181 BEDOUIN CAMP

182 HOME OF ANCIENT POMP

183 JACK

184 A DISAPPOINTED AUDIENCE

185 FIG-TREE

186 “FARE TOO HIGH"

187 SYRIAN HOUSE

188 TIBERIAS AND SEA OF GALILEE

189 THE GUARD

190 MOUNT TABOR

191 GATHERING FUEL

192 FOUNTAIN OF THE VIRGIN

193 “MADONNA-LIKE BEAUTY"

194 PUTNAM OUTDONE

195 THE BASTINADO

196 “I WEPT"

197 WANT OF DIGNITY

198 AN ORIENTAL WELL

199 ARABS SALUTING

200 FREE SONS OF THE DESERT

201 SHECHEM

202 GATE OF JERUSALEM

203 BEGGARS IN JERUSALEM

204 CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHER

205 GRAVE OF ADAM

206 VIEW OF JERUSALEM

207 THE WANDERING JEW

208 MOSQUE OF OMAR

209 AN EPIDEMIC

210 CHARGE OF BEDOUINS

211 DEAD SEA

212 GROTTO OF THE NATIVITY

213 JAFFA

214 REAR ELEVATION OF JACK

215 STREET IN ALEXANDRIA

216 VICEROY OF EGYPT

217 EASTERN MONARCH

218 MOSES S. BEACH

219 ROOM No. 15

220 THE NILOMETER

221 ASCENT OF THE PYRAMIDS

222 HIGH HOPES FRUSTRATED

223 KINGS CHAMBER IN THE PYRAMID

224 A POWERFUL ARGUMENT

225 PYRAMIDS AND SPHINX

226 THE RELIC HUNTER

227 THE MAMELUKE’S LEAP

228 WOULD NOT BE COMFORTED

229 THE TRAVELER

230 HOMEWARD BOUND

231 BAD COFFEE

232 OUR FRIENDS THE BERMUDIANS

233 CAPTAIN DUNCAN

234 FINIS

A TRAMP ABROAD

Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition

ILLUSTRATIONS:

1.

PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR

2.

TITIAN’S MOSES

3.

THE AUTHOR’S MEMORIES

4.

THE BLACK KNIGHT

5.

OPENING HIS VIZIER

6.

THE ENRAGED EMPEROR

7.

THE PORTIER

8.

ONE OF THOSE BOYS

9.

SCHLOSS HOTEL

10.

IN MY CAGE

11.

HEIDELBERG CASTLE

12.

HEIDELBERG CASTLE, RIVER FRONTAGE

13.

THE RETREAT

14.

JIM BAKER

15.

"A BLUE FLUSH ABOUT IT"

16.

COULD NOT SEE IT

17.

THE BEER KING

18.

THE LECTURER’S AUDIENCE

19.

INDUSTRIOUS STUDENTS

20.

IDLE STUDENT

21.

COMPANIONABLE INTERCOURSE

22.

AN IMPOSING SPECTACLE

23.

AN ADVERTISEMENT

24.

"UNDERSTANDS HIS BUSINESS"

25.

THE OLD SURGEON

26.

THE FIRST WOUND

27.

THE CASTLE COURT

28.

WOUNDED

29.

FAVORITE STREET COSTUME

30.

INEFFACEABLE SCARS

31.

PIECE OF SWORD

32.

FRENCH CALM

33.

THE CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

34.

A SEARCH

35.

HE SWOONED PONDEROUSLY

36.

I ROLLED HIM OVER

37.

THE ONE I HIRED

36.

THE MARCH TO THE FIELD

39.

THE POST OF DANGER

40.

THE RECONCILIATION

41.

AN OBJECT OF ADMIRATION

42.

WAGNER

43.

RAGING

44.

ROARING

45.

SHRIEKING

46.

A CUSTOMARY THING

47.

ONE OF THE “REST"

48.

A CONTRIBUTION BOX

49.

CONSPICUOUS

50.

TAIL PIECE

51.

ONLY A SHRIEK

52.

"HE ONLY CRY"

53.

LATE COMERS CARED FOR

54.

EVIDENTLY DREAMING

55.

"TURN ON MORE RAIN"

56.

HARRIS ATTENDING THE OPERA

57.

PAINTING MY GREAT PICTURE

58.

OUR START

59.

AN UNKNOWN COSTUME

60.

THE TOWER

61.

SLOW BUT SURE

62.

THE ROBBER CHIEF

63.

AN HONEST MAN

64.

THE TOWN BY NIGHT

65.

GENERATIONS OF BAREFEET

66.

OUR BEDROOM

67.

PRACTICING

68.

PAWING AROUND

69.

A NIGHT’S WORK

70.

LEAVING HEILBRONN

71.

THE CAPTAIN

72.

WAITING FOR THE TRAIN

73.

A DEEP AND TRANQUIL ECSTACY

74.

"WHICH ANSWERED JUST AS WELL"

75.

LIFE ON A RAFT

76.

LADY GERTRUDE

77.

MOUTH OF THE CAVERN

78.

A FATAL MISTAKE

79.

TAIL PIECE

80.

RAFTING ON THE NECKAR

81.

THE LORELEI

82.

THE LOVER’s FATE

84.

THE UNKNOWN KNIGHT

85.

THE EMBRACE

86.

PERILOUS POSTTION

87.

THE RAFT IN A STORM

88.

ALL SAFE ON SHORE

89.

"IT WAS THE CAT"

90.

TAILPIECE

91.

BREAKFAST IN THE GARDEN 162

92.

EASILY UNDERSTOOD

93.

EXPERIMENTING THROUGH HARRIS

94.

AT THE BALL ROOM DOOR

95.

THE TOWN OF DILSBERG

96.

OUR ADVANCE ON DILSBERG

97.

INSIDE THE TOWN

95.

THE OLD WELL

99.

SEND HITHER THE LORD ULRICH

100.

LEAD ME TO HER GRAVE

102.

AN EXCELLENT PILOT, ONCE

103.

SCATTERATION

104.

THE RIVER BATH

101.

ETRUSCAN TEAR JUG

106.

HENRI II. PLATE

l07.

OLD BLUE CHINA

108.

A REAL ANTIQUE

109.

BRIC-A-BRAC SHOP

110.

"PUT IT THERE"

111.

THE PARSON CAPTURED

112.

TAIL PIECE

113.

A COMPREHENSIVE YAWN

114.

TESTING THE COIN

115.

BEAUTY AT THE BATH

116.

IN THE BATH

117.

JERSEY INDIANS

118.

NOT PARTICULARLY SOCIABLE

119.

BLACK FOREST GRANDEE

120.

THE GRANDEE’S DAUGHTER

121.

RICH OLD HUSS

122.

GRETCHEN

123.

PAUL HOCH

124.

HANS SCHMIDT

125.

ELECTING A NEW MEMBER

126.

OVERCOMING OBSTACLES

127.

FRIENDS

128.

PROSPECTING

129.

TAIL PIECE

130.

A GENERAL HOWL

131.

SEEKING A SITUATION

132.

STANDING GUARD

133.

RESULT OF A JOKE

134.

DESCENDING A FARM

155.

A GERMAN SABBATH

136.

AN OBJECT OF SYMPATHY

137.

A NON-CLASSICAL STYLE

138.

THE TRADITIONAL CHAMOIS

139.

HUNTING CHAMOIS THE TRUE WAY

140.

CHAMOIS HUNTER AS REPORTED

141.

MARKING ALPENSTOCKS

142.

IS SHE EIGHTEEN OR TWENTY

143.

I KNEW I WASN’T MISTAKEN

144.

HARRIS ASTONISHED

145.

TAIL PIECE

146.

THE LION OF LUCERNE

147.

HE LIKED CLOCKS

148.

"I WILL TELL YOU"

149.

COULDN’T WAIT

150.

DIDN’T CARE FOR STYLE

151.

A PAIR BETTER THAN FOUR

152.

TWO WASN’T NECESSARY

153.

JUST THE TRICK

154.

GOING TO MAKE THEM STARE

155.

NOT THROWN AWAY

156.

WHAT THE DOCTOR RECOMMENDED

157.

WANTED TO FEEL SAFE

158.

PREFERRED TO TRAMP ON FOOT

159.

DERN A DOG, ANYWAY

160.

TAIL PIECE

161.

THE GLACIER GARDEN

162.

LAKE AND MOUNTAINS (MONT PILATUS)

163.

MOUNTAIN PATHS

164.

"YOU’RE AN AMERICAN—SO AM I"

165.

ENTERPRISE

166.

THE CONSTANT SEARCHER

167.

THE MOUNTAIN BOY

168.

THE ENGLISHMAN

169.

THE JODLER

170.

ANOTHER VOCALIST

171.

THE FELSENTHOR

172.

A VIEW FROM THE STATION

173.

LOST IN THE MIST

174.

THE RIGI-KULM HOTEL

175.

WHAT AWAKENED US

176.

A SUMMIT SUNRISE

177.

TAIL PIECE

178.

EXCEEDINGLY COMFORTABLE

179.

THE SUNRISE

180.

THE RIGI-KULM

181.

AN OPTICAL ILLUSION

182.

TAIL PIECE

183.

RAILWAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN

184.

SOURCE OF THE RHONE

185.

A GLACIER TABLE

186.

GLACIER OF GRINDELWALD

187.

DAWN ON THE MOUNTAINS

188.

TAIL PIECE

189.

NEW AND OLD STYLE

190.

ST NICHOLAS, AS A HERMIT

191.

A LANDSLIDE

192.

GOLDAU VALLEY BEFORE AND AFTER THE LANDSLIDE

193.

THE WAY THEY DO IT

194.

OUR GALLANT DRIVER

195.

A MOUNTAIN PASS

196.

"I’M OFUL DRY"

197.

IT’S THE FASHION

198.

WHAT WE EXPECTED

199.

WE MISSED THE SCENERY

200.

THE TOURISTS

201.

THE YOUNG BRIDE

202.

"IT WAS A FAMOUS VICTORY

203.

PROMENADE IN INTERLAKEN

204.

THE JUNGFRAU BY M.T.

205.

STREET IN INTERLAKEN

206.

WITHOUT A COURIER

207.

TRAVELING WITH A COURIER

208.

TAIL PIECE

209.

GRAPE AND WHEY PATIENTS

210.

SOCIABLE DRIVERS

211.

A MOUNTAIN CASCADE

212.

THE GASTERNTHAL

213.

EXHILARATING SPORT

214.

FALLS

215.

WHAT MIGHT BE

216.

AN ALPINE BOUQUET

217.

THE END OF THE WORLD

218.

THE FORGET-ME-NOT

219.

A NEEDLE OF ICE

220.

CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN

221.

SNOW CREVASSES

222.

CUTTING STEPS

223.

THE GUIDE

224.

VIEW FROM THE CLIFF

225.

GEMMI PASS AND LAKE DAUBENSEE

226.

ALMOST A TRAGEDY

227.

THE ALPINE LITTER

228.

SOCIAL BATHERS

229.

DEATH OF COUNTESS HERLINCOURT

230.

THEY’VE GOT IT ALL

231.

MODEL FOR AN EMPRESS

232.

BATH HOUSES AT LEUKE

233.

THE BATHERS AT LEUKE

234.

RATTIER MIXED UP

235.

TAIL PIECE

236.

A SUNDAY MORNING’S DEMON

237.

JUST SAVED

238.

SCENE IN VALLEY OF ZERMATT

239.

ARRIVAL AT ZERMATT

240.

FITTED OUT

241.

A FEARFUL FALL

242.

TAIL PIECE

243.

ALL READY

244.

THE MARCH

245.

THE CARAVAN

246.

THE HOOK

247.

THE DISABLED CHAPLAIN

248.

TRYING EXPERIMENTS

249.

SAVED! SAVED!

250.

TWENTY MINUTES WORK

251.

THE BLACK RAM

252.

THE MIRACLE

253.

THE NEW GUIDE

251.

SCIENTIFIC RESEARCHES

255.

MOUNTAIN CHALET

256.

THE GRANDSON

257.

OCCASIONLY MET WITH

258.

SUMMIT OF THE GORNER GRAT

259.

CHIEFS OF THE ADVANCE GUARD

260.

MY PICTURE OF THE MATTERHORN

261.

EVERYBODY HAD AN EXCUSE

262.

SPRUNG A LEAK

263.

A SCIENTIFIC QUESTION

264.

A TERMINAL MORAINE

265.

FRONT OF GLACIER

266.

AN OLD MORAINE

267.

GLACIER OF ZERMATT WITH LATERAL MORAINE

269.

UNEXPECTED MEETING OF FRIENDS

269.

VILLAGE OF CHAMONIX

270.

THE MATTERHORN

271.

ON THE SUMMIT

272.

ACCIDENT ON THE MATTERHORN (1865)

273.

ROPED TOGETHER

274.

STORAGE OF ANCESTORS

275.

FALLING OUT OF HIS FARM

276.

CHILD LIFE IN SWITZERLAND

277.

A SUNDAY PLAY

278.

THE COMBINATION

279.

CHILLON

280.

THE TETE NOIR

281.

MONT BLANC’S NEIGHBORS

282.

AN EXQUISITE THING

283.

A WILD RIDE

284.

SWISS PEASANT GIRL

285.

STREET IN CHAMONIX

286.

THE PROUD GERMAN

287.

THE INDIGNANT TOURIST

288.

MUSIC OF SWITZERLAND

289.

ONLY A MISTAKE

290.

A BROAD VIEW

291.

PREPARING TO START

292.

ASCENT OF MONT BLANC

293.

"WE ALL RAISED A TREMENDOUS SHOUT"

294.

THE GRANDE MULETS

295.

CABIN ON THE GRANDE MULETS

296.

KEEPING WARM

297.

TAIL PIECE

298.

TAKE IT EASY

299.

THE MER DE GLACE (MONT BLANC)

300.

TAKING TOLL

301.

A DESCENDING TOURIST

302.

LEAVING BY DILIGENCE

303.

THE SATISFIED ENGLISHMAN

301.

HIGH PRESSURE

305.

NO APOLOGY

307.

A LIVELY STREET

308.

HAVING HER FULL RIGHTS

309.

HOW SHE FOOLED US

310.

"YOU’LL TAKE THAT OR NONE"

311.

ROBBING A BEGGAR

312.

DISHONEST ITALY

313.

STOCK IN TRADE

314.

STYLE

315.

SPECIMENS FROM OLD MASTERS

316.

AN OLD MASTER

317.

THE LION OF ST MARK

318.

OH TO BE AT RRST!

319.

THE WORLD’S MASTERPIECE

320.

TAIL PIECE

321.

AESTHETIC TASTES

322.

A PRIVATE FAMILY BREAKFAST

323.

EUROPEAN CARVING

323.

A TWENTY-FOUR HOUR FIGHT

325.

GREAT HEIDELBERG TUN

326.

BISMARCK IN PRISON

327.

TAIL PIECE 600

328.

A COMPLETE WORD

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I

A Tramp over Europe—On the Holsatia—Hamburg—Frankfort-on-the-Main—How it Won its Name—A Lesson in Political Economy—Neatness in Dress—Rhine Legends—“The Knave of Bergen” The Famous Ball—The Strange Knight—Dancing with the Queen—Removal of the Masks—The Disclosure—Wrath of the Emperor—The Ending

CHAPTER II

At Heidelberg—Great Stir at a Hotel—The Portier—Arrival of the Empress—The Schloss Hotel—Location of Heidelberg—The River Neckar—New Feature in a Hotel—Heidelberg Castle—View from the Hotel—A Tramp in the Woods—Meeting a Raven—Can Ravens Talk?—Laughed at and Vanquished—Language of Animals—Jim Baker—Blue-Jays

CHAPTER III

Baker’s Blue-Jay Yarn—Jay Language—The Cabin—“Hello, I reckon I’ve struck something”—A Knot Hole—Attempt to fill it—A Ton of Acorns—Friends Called In—A Great Mystery—More Jays called A Blue Flush—A Discovery—A Rich Joke—One that Couldn’t See It

CHAPTER IV

Student Life—The Five Corps—The Beet King—A Free Life—Attending Lectures—An Immense Audience—Industrious Students—Politeness of the Students—Intercourse with the Professors Scenes at the Castle Garden—Abundance of Dogs—Symbol of Blighted Love—How the Ladies Advertise

CHAPTER V

The Students’ Dueling Ground—The Dueling Room—The Sword Grinder—Frequency of the Duels—The Duelists—Protection against Injury—The Surgeon—Arrangements for the Duels—The First Duel—The First Wound—A Drawn Battle—The Second Duel—Cutting and Slashing—Interference of the Surgeon

CHAPTER VI

The Third Duel—A Sickening Spectacle—Dinner between Fights—The Last Duel—Fighting in Earnest—Faces and Heads Mutilated—Great Nerve of the Duelists—Fatal Results not Infrequent—The World’s View of these Fights

CHAPTER VII

Corps—laws and Usages—Volunteering to Fight—Coolness of the Wounded—Wounds Honorable—Newly bandaged Students around Heidelberg—Scarred Faces Abundant—A Badge of Honor—Prince Bismark as a Duelist—Statistics—Constant Sword Practice—Color of the Corps—Corps Etiquette

CHAPTER VIII

The Great French Duel—Mistaken Notions—Outbreak in the French Assembly—Calmness of M Gambetta—I Volunteer as Second—Drawing up a Will—The Challenge and its Acceptance—Difficulty in Selection of Weapons—Deciding on Distance—M. Gambetta’s Firmness—Arranging Details—Hiring Hearses—How it was Kept from the Press—March to the Field—The Post of Danger—The Duel—The Result—General Rejoicings—The only One Hurt—A Firm Resolution

CHAPTER IX

At the Theatre—German Ideal—At the Opera—The Orchestra—Howlings and Wailings—A Curious Play—One Season of Rest—The Wedding Chorus—Germans fond of the Opera—Funerals Needed —A Private Party—What I Overheard—A Gentle Girl—A Contribution—box—Unpleasantly Conspicuous

CHAPTER X

Four Hours with Wagner—A Wonderful Singer, Once—” Only a Shriek”—An Ancient Vocalist—“He Only Cry”—Emotional Germans—A Wise Custom—Late Comers Rebuked—Heard to the Last—No Interruptions Allowed—A Royal Audience—An Eccentric King—Real Rain and More of It—Immense Success—“Encore! Encore!”—Magnanimity of the King

CHAPTER XI

Lessons in Art—My Great Picture of Heidelberg Castle—Its Effect in the Exhibition—Mistaken for a Turner—A Studio—Waiting for Orders—A Tramp Decided On—The Start for Heilbronn—Our Walking Dress—“Pleasant march to you”—We Take the Rail—German People on Board—Not Understood—Speak only German and English—Wimpfen—A Funny Tower—Dinner in the Garden—Vigorous Tramping—Ride in a Peasant’s Cart—A Famous Room

CHAPTER XII

The Rathhaus—An Old Robber Knight, Gotz Von Berlichingen—His Famous Deeds—The Square Tower—A Curious old Church—A Gay Turn—out—A Legend—The Wives’ Treasures—A Model Waiter—A Miracle Performed—An Old Town—The Worn Stones

CHAPTER XIII

Early to Bed—Lonesome—Nervous Excitement—The Room We Occupied—Disturbed by a Mouse—Grow Desperate—The Old Remedy—A Shoe Thrown—Result—Hopelessly Awake—An Attempt to Dress—A Cruise in the Dark—Crawling on the Floor—A General Smash-up—Forty-seven Miles’ Travel

CHAPTER XIV

A Famous Turn—out—Raftsmen on the Neckar—The Log Rafts—The Neckar—A Sudden Idea—To Heidelberg on a Raft—Chartering a Raft—Gloomy Feelings and Conversation—Delicious Journeying—View of the Banks—Compared with Railroading

CHAPTER XV

Down the River—German Women’s Duties—Bathing as We Went—A Handsome Picture: Girls in the Willows—We Sight a Tug—Steamers on the Neckar—Dinner on Board—Legend “Cave of the Spectre “—Lady Gertrude the Heiress—The Crusader—The Lady in the Cave—A Tragedy

CHAPTER XVI

An Ancient Legend of the Rhine—“The Lorelei”—Count Hermann—Falling in Love—A Sight of the Enchantress—Sad Effect on Count Hermann—An Evening visit—A Sad Mistake—Count Hermann Drowned—The Song and Music—Different Trans lations—Curiosities in Titles

CHAPTER XVII

Another Legend—The Unconquered Monster—The Unknown Knight —His Queer Shaped Knapsack—The Knight Pitied and Advised—He Attacks the Monster—Victory for the Fire Extinguisher—The Knight rewarded—His Strange Request——Spectacles Made Popular—Danger to the Raft—Blasting Rocks—An Inglorious Death in View—Escaped—A Storm Overtakes us—GreatDanger—Man Overboard—Breakers Ahead—Springing a Leak—Ashore Safe—A General Embracing—A Tramp in the Dark—The Naturalist Tavern—A Night’s Troubles—“It is the Cat"

CHAPTER XVIII

Breakfast in a Garden—The Old Raven—Castle of Hirschhorn—Attempt to Hire a Boat—High Dutch—What You Can Find out by Enquiring—What I Found out about the Students—A good German Custom—Harris Practices It—AnEmbarrassing Position—A Nice Party—At a Ball—Stopped at the Door—Assistance at Hand and Rendered—Worthy to be an Empress

CHAPTER XIX

Arrive at Neckarsteinach—Castle of Dilsberg—A Walled Town—On a Hill—Exclusiveness of the People—A Queer Old Place—An Ancient Well—An Outlet Proved—Legend of Dilsberg Castle—The Haunted Chamber—The Betrothed’s request—The Knight’s Slumbers and Awakening—Horror of the Lover—The Wicked Jest—The Lover a Maniac—Under the Linden—Turning Pilot—Accident to the Raft—Fearful Disaster

CHAPTER XX

Good News—“Slow Freight”—Keramics—My Collection of Bric-a-brac—My Tear Jug—Henri II. Plate—Specimen of Blue China—Indifference to the Laugh of the World—I Discover an Antique En-route to Baden—Baden—Meeting an Old Acquaintance—A young American—Embryo Horse Doctor—An American, Sure—A Minister Captured

CHAPTER XXI

Baden—Baden—Energetic Girls—A Comprehensive Yawn—A Beggar’s Trick—Cool Impudence—The Bath Woman—Insolence of Shop Keepers—Taking a Bath—Early and Late Hours—Popular Belief Regarding Indians—An Old Cemetery—A Pious Hag—Curious Table Companions

CHAPTER XXII

The Black Forest—A Grandee and his Family—The Wealthy Nabob—A New Standard of Wealth—Skeleton for a New Novel—Trying Situation—The Common Council—Choosing a New Member Studying Natural History—The Ant a Fraud—Eccentricities of the Ant—His Deceit and Ignorance—A German Dish—Boiled Oranges

CHAPTER XXIII

Off for a Day’s Tramp—Tramping and Talking—Story Telling—Dentistry in Camp—Nicodemus Dodge—Seeking a Situation—A Butt for Jokes—Jimmy Finn’s Skeleton—Descending a Farm—Unexpected Notoriety

CHAPTER XXIV

Sunday on the Continent—A Day of Rest—An Incident at Church—An Object of Sympathy—Royalty at Church—Public Grounds Concert—Power and Grades of Music—Hiring a Courier

CHAPTER XXV

Lucerne—Beauty of its Lake—The Wild Chamois—A Great Error Exposed—Methods of Hunting the Chamois—Beauties of Lucerne—The Alpenstock—Marking Alpenstocks—Guessing at Nationalities—An American Party—An Unexpected Acquaintance—Getting Mixed Up—Following Blind Trails—A Happy Half—hour—Defeat and Revenge

CHAPTER XXVI

Commerce of Lucerne—Benefits of Martyrdom—A Bit of History—The Home of Cuckoo Clocks—A Satisfactory Revenge—The Alan Who Put Up at Gadsby’s—A Forgotten Story—Wanted to be Postmaster—A Tennessean at Washington—He Concluded to Stay A While—Application of the Story

CHAPTER XXVII

The Glacier Garden—Excursion on the Lake—Life on the Mountains—A Specimen Tourist—“Where’re you From?”—An Advertising Dodge—A Righteous Verdict—The Guide-book Student—I Believe that’s All

CHAPTER XXVIII

The Rigi-Kulm—Its Ascent—Stripping for Business—A Mountain Lad—An English Tourist—Railroad up the Mountain—Villages and Mountain—The Jodlers—About Ice Water—The Felsenthor—Too Late—Lost in the Fog—The Rigi-Kulm Hotel—The Alpine Horn—Sunrise at Night

CHAPTER XXIX

Everything Convenient—Looking for a Western Sunrise—Mutual Recrimination—View from the Summit—Down the Mountain—Railroading—Confidence Wanted and Acquired

CHAPTER XXX

A Trip by Proxy—A Visit to the Furka Regions—Deadman’s Lake—Source of the Rhone—Glacier Tables—Storm in the Mountains—At Grindelwald—Dawn on the Mountains—An Explanation Required—Dead Language—Criticism of Harris’s Report

CHAPTER XXXI

Preparations for a Tramp—From Lucerne to Interlaken—The Brunig Pass—Modern and Ancient Chalets—Death of Pontius Pilate—Hermit Home of St Nicholas—Landslides—Children Selling Refreshments—How they Harness a Horse—A Great Man—Honors to a Hero—A Thirsty Bride—For Better or Worse—German Fashions—Anticipations—Solid Comfort—An Unsatisfactory \ Awakening—What we had Lost—Our Surroundings

CHAPTER XXXII

The Jungfrau Hotel—A Whiskered Waitress—An Arkansas Bride—Perfection in Discord—A Famous Victory—A Look from a Window—About the Jungfrau

CHAPTER XXXIII

The Giesbach Falls—The Spirit of the Alps—Why People Visit Them—Whey and Grapes as Medicines—The Kursaal—A Formidable Undertaking—From Interlaken to Zermatt on Foot—We Concluded to take a Buggy—A Pair of Jolly Drivers—We meet with Companions—A Cheerful Ride—Kandersteg Valley—An Alpine Parlor—Exercise and Amusement—A Race with a Log

CHAPTER XXXIV

An Old Guide—Possible Accidents—Dangerous Habitation—Mountain Flowers—Embryo Lions—Mountain Pigs—The End of The World—Ghastly Desolation—Proposed Adventure—Reading-up Adventures—Ascent of Monte Rosa—Precipices and Crevasses—Among the Snows—Exciting Experiences—lee Ridges—The Summit—Adventures Postponed

CHAPTER XXXV

A New Interest—Magnificent Views—A Mule’s Prefereoces—Turning Mountain Corners—Terror of a Horse—Lady Tourists—Death of a young Countess—A Search for a Hat—What We Did Find—Harris’s Opinion of Chamois—A Disappointed Man—A Giantess—Model for an Empress—Baths at Leuk—Sport in the Water—The Gemmi Precipices—A Palace for an Emperor—The Famous Ladders—Considerably Mixed Up—Sad Plight of a Minister

CHAPTER XXXVI

Sunday Church Bells—A Cause of Profanity—A Magnificent Glacier—Fault Finding by Harris—Almost an Accident—Selfishness of Harris—Approaching Zermatt—The Matterhorn—Zermatt—Home of Mountain Climbers—Fitted out for Climbing—A Fearful Adventure —Never Satisfied

CHAPTER XXXVII

A Calm Decision—“I Will Ascend the Riffelberg”—Preparations for the Trip—All Zermatt on the Alert—Schedule of Persons and Things—An Unprecedented Display—A General Turn—out—Ready for a Start—The Post of Danger—The Advance Directed—Grand Display of Umbrellas—The First Camp—Almost a Panic—Supposed to be Lost—The First Accident—A Chaplain Disabled—An Experimenting Mule—Good Effects of a Blunder—Badly Lost—A Reconnoiter—Mystery and Doubt—Stern Measures Taken—A Black Ram—Saved by a Miracle—The Guide’s Guide

CHAPTER XXXVIII

Our Expedition Continued—Experiments with the Barometer—Boiling Thermometer—Barometer Soup—An Interesting Scientific Discovery—Crippling a Latinist—A Chaplain Injured—Short of Barkeepers—Digging a Mountain Cellar—A Young American Specimen—Somebody’s Grandson—Arrival at Riffelberg Botel—Ascent of Gorner Grat—Faith in Thermometers—The Matterhorn

CHAPTER XXXIX

Guide Books—Plans for the Return of the Expedition—A Glacier Train—Parachute Descent from Gorner Grat—Proposed Honors to Harris Declined—All had an Excuse—A Magnificent Idea Abandoned—Descent to the Glacier—A Supposed Leak—A Slow Train—The Glacier Abandoned—Journey to Zermatt—A Scientific Question

CHAPTER XL

Glaciers—Glacier Perils—Moraines—Terminal Moraines—Lateral Moraines—Immense Size of Glacier—Traveling Glacier——General Movements of Glaciers—Ascent of Mont Blacc—Loss of Guides—Finding of Remains—Meeting of Old Friends—The Dead and Living—Proposed Museum—The Relics at Chamonix

CHAPTER XLI

The Matterhorn Catastrophe of 1563—Mr Whymper’s Narrative—Ascent of the Matterhorn—The Summit—The Matterhorn Conquered—The Descent Commenced—A Fearful Disaster—Death of Lord Douglas and Two Others—The Graves of the Two

CHAPTER XLII

Switzerland—Graveyard at Zermatt—Balloting for Marriage—Farmers as Heroes—Falling off a Farm—From St Nicholas to Visp—Dangerous Traveling—Children’s Play—The Parson’s Children—A Landlord’s Daughter—A Rare Combination—Ch iIIon—Lost Sympathy—Mont Blanc and its Neighbors—Beauty of Soap Bubbles—A Wild Drive—The King of Drivers—Benefit of getting Drunk

CHAPTER XLIII

Chamonix—Contrasts—Magnificent Spectacle—The Guild of Guides—The Guide—in—Chief—The Returned Tourist—Getting Diploma—Rigid Rules—Unsuccessful Efforts to Procure a Diploma—The Record-Book—The Conqueror of Mont Blanc—Professional Jealousy —Triumph of Truth—Mountain Music—Its Effect—A Hunt for a Nuisance

CHAPTER XLIV

Looking at Mont Blanc—Telescopic Effect—A Proposed Trip—Determination and Courage—The Cost all counted——Ascent of Mont Blanc by Telescope—Safe and Rapid Return—Diplomas Asked for and Refused—Disaster of 1866—The Brave Brothers—Wonderful Endurance and Pluck—Love Making on Mont Blanc—First Ascent of a Woman—Sensible Attire

CHAPTER XLV

A Catastrophe which Cost Eleven Lives—Accident of 1870—A Party of Eleven—A Fearful Storm—Note-books of the Victims—Within Five Minutes of Safety—Facing Death Resignedly

CHAPTER XLVI

The Hotel des Pyramids—The Glacier des Bossons—One of the Shows—Premeditated Crime—Saved Again—Tourists Warned—Advice to Tourists—The Two Empresses—The Glacier Toll Collector—Pure Ice Water—Death Rate of the World—Of Various Cities—A Pleasure Excursionist—A Diligence Ride—A Satisfied Englishman

CHAPTER XLVII

Geneva—Shops of Geneva—Elasticity of Prices—Persistency of Shop-Women—The High Pressure System—How a Dandy was brought to Grief—American Manners—Gallantry—Col Baker of London—Arkansaw Justice—Safety of Women in America—Town of Chambery—A Lively Place—At Turin—A Railroad Companion—An Insulted Woman—City of Turin—Italian Honesty—A Small Mistake —Robbing a Beggar Woman

CHAPTER XLVIII

In Milan—The Arcade—Incidents we Met With—The Pedlar—Children—The Honest Conductor—Heavy Stocks of Clothing—The Quarrelsome Italians—Great Smoke and Little Fire—The Cathedral—Style in Church—The Old Masters—Tintoretto’s great Picture—Emotional Tourists—Basson’s Famed Picture—The Hair Trunk

CHAPTER XLIX

In Venice—St Mark’s Cathedral—Discovery of an Antique—The Riches of St Mark’s—A Church Robber—Trusting Secrets to a Friend —The Robber Hanged—A Private Dinner—European Food

CHAPTER L

Why Some things Are—Art in Rome and Florence—The Fig Leaf Mania—Titian’s Venus—Difference between Seeing and Describing A Real work of Art—Titian’s Moses—Home

APPENDIX

A—The Portier analyzed

B—Hiedelberg Castle Described

C—The College Prison and Inmates

D—The Awful German Language

E—Legends of the Castle

F—The Journals of Germany

A GILDED AGE

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I.

Squire Hawkins and His Tennessee Land—He Decides to Remove to Missouri

CHAPTER II.

He Meets With and Adopts the Boy Clay

CHAPTER III

Uncle Daniel’s Apparition and PrayeR

CHAPTER IV

The Steamboat Explosion

CHAPTER V

Adoption of the Little Girl Laura—Arrival at Missouri—Reception by Colonel Beriah Sellers

CHAPTER VI

Trouble and Darkness in the Hawkins Family—Proposed Sale of the Tennessee Land

CHAPTER VII

Colonel Sellers at Home—His Wonderful Clock and Cure for Rheumatism

CHAPTER VIII

Colonel Sellers Makes Known His Magnificent Speculation Schemes and Astonishes Washington Hawkins

CHAPTER IX

Death of Judge Hawkins

CHAPTER X

Laura Hawkins Discovers a Mystery in Her Parentage and Grows Morbid Under the Village Gossip

CHAPTER XI

A Dinner with Col Sellers—Wonderful Effects of Raw Turnips

CHAPTER XII

Philip Sterling and Henry Brierly—Arrangements to Go West as Engineers

CHAPTER XIII

Rail—Road Contractors and Party Traveling—Philip and Harry form the Acquaintance of Col Sellers

CHAPTER XIV

Ruth Bolton and Her Parents

CHAPTER XV

Visitors of the Boltons—Mr Bigler “Sees the Legislature”—Ruth Bolton Commences Medical Studies

CHAPTER XVI

The Engineers Detained at St Louis—Off for Camp—Reception by Jeff

CHAPTER XVII

The Engineer Corps Arrive at Stone’s Landing

CHAPTER XVIII

Laura and Her Marriage to Colonel Selby—Deserted and Returns to Hawkeye

CHAPTER XIX

Harry Brierly Infatuated With Laura and Proposes She Visit Washington

CHAPTER XX

Senator Abner Dilwortliy Visits Hawkeye—Addresses the People and Makes the Acquaintance of Laura 186

CHAPTER XXI

Ruth Bolton at Fallkill Seminary—The Montagues—Ruth Becomes Quite Gay—Alice Montague

CHAPTER XXII

Philip and Harry Visit Fallkill—Harry Does the Agreeable to Ruth

CHAPTER XXIII

Harry at Washington Lobbying For An Appropriation For Stone’s Landing —Philip in New York Studying Engineering

CHAPTER XXIV

Washington and Its Sights—The Appropriation Bill Reported From the Committee and Passed

CHAPTER XXV

Energetic Movements at Stone’s Landing—Everything Booming—A Grand Smash Up

CHAPTER XXVI

The Boltons—Ruth at Home—Visitors and Speculations

CHAPTER XXVII

Col Sellers Comforts His Wife With His Views on the Prospects

CHAPTER XXVIII

Visit to Headquarters in Wall Street—How Appropriations Are Obtained and Their Cost

CHAPTER XXIX

Philip’s Experience With the Rail—Road Conductor—Surveys His Mining Property

CHAPTER XXX

Laura and Col Sellers Go To Washington On Invitation of Senator Dilworthy

CHAPTER XXXI

Philip and Harry at the Boltons’—Philip Seriously Injured—Ruth’s First Case of Surgery

CHAPTER XXXII

Laura Becomes a Famous Belle at Washington

CHAPTER XXXIII

Society in Washington—The Antiques, the Parvenus, and the Middle Aristocracy

CHAPTER XXXIV

Grand Scheme For Disposing of the Tennessee Land—Laura and Washington Hawkins Enjoying the Reputation of Being Millionaires

CHAPTER XXXV

About Senators—Their Privileges and Habits

CHAPTER XXXVI

An Hour in a Book Store

CHAPTER XXXVII

Representative Buckstone and Laura’s Strategic Coquetry

CHAPTER XXXVIII

Reception Day in Washington—Laura Again Meets Col. Selby and the Effect Upon Her

CHAPTER XXXIX

Col. Selby Visits Laura and Effects a Reconciliation

CHAPTER XL

Col. Sellers’ Career in Washington—Laura’s Intimacy With Col. Selby is Talked About

CHAPTER XLI

Harry Brierly Becomes Entirely Infatuated With Laura—Declares His Love and Gets Laughed At

CHAPTER XLII

How The Hon Mr Trollop Was Induced to Vote For Laura’s Bill

CHAPTER XLIII

Progress of the Bill in the House

CHAPTER XLIV

Philip in Washington—Visits Laura

CHAPTER XLV

The Passage of the Bill in the House of Representatives

CHAPTER XLVI

Disappearance of Laura, and Murder of Col. Selby in New York

CHAPTER XLVII

Laura in the Tombs and Her Visitors

CHAPTER XLVIII

Mr Bolton Says Yes Again—Philip Returns to the Mines

CHAPTER XLIX

The Coal Vein Found and Lost Again—Philip and the Boltons—Elated and Then Cruelly Disappointed 443

CHAPTER L

Philip Visits Fallkill and Proposes Studying Law With Mr Montague—The Squire Invests in the Mine—Ruth Declares Her Love for Philip

CHAPTER LI

Col Sellers Enlightens Washington Hawkins on the Customs of Congress

CHAPTER LII

How Senator Dilworthy Advanced Washington’s Interests

CHAPTER LIII

Senator Dilworthy Goes West to See About His Re—election—He Becomes a Shining Light

CHAPTER LIV

The Trial of Laura for Murder

CHAPTER LV

The Trial Continued—Evidence of Harry Brierly

CHAPTER LVI

The Trial Continued—Col Sellers on the Stand and Takes Advantage of the Situation

CHAPTER LVII

The Momentous Day—Startling News—Dilworthy Denounced as a Briber and Defeated—The Bill Lost in the Senate

CHAPTER LVIII

Verdict, Not Guilty !—Laura Free and Receives Propositions to Lecture—Philip back at the Mines

CHAPTER LIX

The Investigation of the Dilworthy Bribery Case and Its Results

CHAPTER LX

Laura Decides on her Course—Attempts to Lecture and Fails—Found Dead in her Chair

CHAPTER LXI

Col Sellers and Washington Hawkins Review the Situation and Leave Washington

CHAPTER LXII

Philip Discouraged—One More Effort—Finds Coal at Last

CHAPTER LXIII

Philip Leaves Ilium to see Ruth—Ruth Convalescent—Alice

APPENDIX

ILLUSTRATIONS

FRONTPIECE COL. SELLERS FEEDING HIS FAMILY ON EXPECTATIONS

1.

CONTEMPLATION

2.

THE SQUIRE’s HOUSE

3.

THE U. S. MAIL

4.

OBEDSTOWN MALES

5.

HURRYING

6.

THE SQUIRE’S KITCHEN

7.

"FOR GOODNESS SAKE SI"

8.

THE LAST COG WHEEL

9.

GONE UP

10.

TAIL PIECE

11.

THE ORPHANS LAST GIFT

12.

MRS HAWKINS AND CLAY AT THE GRAVE OF HIS MOTHER

13.

"CHILDREN, DAR’S SUMFIN’ A COMIN

14.

"HEAH I IS, LORD, HEAH I IS!”

15.

TAIL PIECE

16.

NOT ENCOURAGED

17.

SHE’S GAINING

18.

"BY THE MARK TWAIN!”

19.

FAST TOGETHER

20.

ONE OF THE VICTIMS

21.

THE PROCESSION—FORWARD MARCH!

22.

THE HAPPY WIFE

23.

LAURA

24.

READY TO SELL

25.

STOCK RISING

26.

A FAMILY COUNCIL

27.

TAIL PIECE

28.

ATTEMPTED CORNER IN SPECIE

29.

A BRILLIANT IDEA

30.

BIG THINGS SHOWN UP

31.

COL. SELLERS BLOWING BUBBLES FOR WASHINGTON

32.

GEN BOSWELL’S OFFICE

33.

TAIL PIECE

34.

CONSOLATION

35.

THE DYING FATHER

36.

TAIL PIECE

37.

LAURA SEEKING POR EVIDENCES OF HER BIRTH

38.

EVER TRUE

39.

A HEALTHY MEAL

40.

PHILIP AT THE THEATRE

41.

WHAT PHILIP LEARNED AT COLLEGE

42.

THE DELEGATE’S INTERESTING GAME

43.

THE PERSON OF IMPORTANCE

44.

"NOT THAT"

45.

RUTH’S MOTHER MAKES ENQUIRIES

46.

THE LETTER

47.

CARING FOR THE POOR

48.

ANATOMICAL INVESTIGATIONS

49.

RUTH LOOKING AT THE “NEW ONE” BY CANDLE LIGHT

60.

"ONLY FOR YOU, BRIERLY"

51.

AN ACCLIMATED MAN

51.

NO THANKS! GOOD BYE!

52.

"BRESS YOU, CHILE, YOU DAR NOW"

53.

CAMP LIFE

54.

STRAIGHT FROM THE SHOULDER

55.

JEFF THOMPSON AS A NIGHTINGALE

56.

BOUND FOR STONE’S LANDING

57.

STONE’S LANDING

58.

WAITING FOR A RAILROAD

59.

"IT AIN’T THERE"

60.

TAIL PIECE

61.

CAPTURE OF WASHINGTON

62.

LAURA SWOONED

63.

TAILPIECE

64.

NOT EASILY REFERRED

65.

ORDER, GENTLEMEN

66.

THE SENATOR’S WALK

67.

RESIDENCE OF SQUIRE MONTAGUE

68.

INSIDE THE MANSION

69.

RUTH DISSIPATING

70.

TAIL PIECE

71.

ANTICIPATION

72.

REALITY

73.

PHILIP HEARS HARRY ENTERTAINING RUTH

74.

AN ENTERTAINING FELLOW

75.

HARRY EXPLAINS BEFORE SENATE COMMITTEE

76.

PHILIP STUDYING

77.

"KEEP OUT OF HERE, SIR!”

78.

AN OLD ONE

79.

A PROMENADE OUTFIT

80.

REARED BY A GRATEFUL COUNTRY

81.

BENEFIT OF POLITICAL INFLUENCE

82.

TAIL PIECE

83.

VISIONS OF A HAPPY MAN

84.

EXODUS OF THE NATIVES

85.

HARRY BRIERLY FLIES FROM THE MOB

86.

ENJOYING THE BONFIRE

87.

BROTHER PLUM

88.

RUTH AT HOME

89.

MAP OF THE SALT LICK BRANCH OF THE PACIFIC R. R.

90.

RESULT OF A STRAIGHT LINE

91.

AT HEADQUARTERS

92.

TOUCHING A WEAK SPOT

93.

CHAIRMAN OF COMMITTEE, $10,000,

94.

MALE LOBBYIST, $3,000 255

95.

FEMALE LOBBYIST, $3,000

96.

HIGH MORAL SENATOR, $3,000

97.

COUNTRY MEMBER, $500

98.

DOCUMENTARY PROOF

99.

COLONEL SELLERS DESPONDENT

100.

TAIL PIECE

101.

THE MONARCH OF ALL HE SURVEYS

102.

PHILIP THRUST FROM THE R. R. CAR

103.

THE JUSTICE

104.

"MINE INN"

105.

A PLEASING LANDLORD

106.

PHILIP HIRED THREE WOODSMEN

107.

TAIL PIECE

108.

TAIL PIECE

109.

BRO. BALAAM

110.

THE FIRE PANIC

111.

RUTH ASSISTS IN DRESSING PHILIP’S ARM

112.

THE FIRST RECEPTION

113.

VANITY COLLAPSED

114.

THE ATTACHES OF THE ANTIQUES

115.

HON. OLIVER HIGGINS

116.

PAT O’RILEY AND THE “OULD WOMAN"

117.

HON. P. OREILLE AND LADY

118.

AN UNMISTAKABLE POTATO MOUTH

119.

THE THREE PATIENTS

120.

TAIL PIECE

121.

DELIBERATE PERSECUTION

122.

"IT IS ONLY ME"

123.

"ALL CONGRESSMEN DO THAT"

124.

A TRICK WORTH KNOWING

125.

COL. SELLERS ENLIGHTENING THE BOHEMIANS

126.

LAURA IN THE BOOK STORE

127.

VERY AGREEABLE

128.

PLAYING TO WIN

129.

SHE SAID “PARDON"

130.

"IT’S HE! IT’S HE!”

131.

REFLECTION

132.

ONCE MORE FACE TO FACE

133.

COL. SELBY KNEELS AND KISSES HER HAND

134.

JOLLY GOOD COMPANY

135.

SUPPER OR BREAKFAST?

136.

TAIL PIECE

137.

A LADY-KILLER TAMED

138.

CONSUMING LOVE

139.

A CONVERT TO WOMEN’S RIGHTS

140.

OPENING NEGOTIATIONS

141.

NOT JUST YET

142.

WELL POSTED

143.

MR. TROLLOP THINKS IT OVER

144.

DILWORTHY GIVES LAURA HIS BLESSING

145.

UNNECESSARY PRECAUTION

146.

WHERE THE PROTECTION IS NEEDED

147.

AN OBJECT OF SYMPATHY

148.

CHILDREN OF HOPE

149.

THE EDITOR

150.

PHILIP LEAVING LAURA

151.

CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEE

152.

THE HOUSE

153.

COL SELLERS ASLEEP IN HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

154.

A HEARTY SHAKE

155.

SENATOR DILWORTHY TRANQUIL

156.

"SHE AIN’T DAH, SAR"

157.

AS THE WITNESSES DESCRIBED IT

158.

THE LEARNED DOCTORS

159.

IMPORTANT BUSINESS

160.

COL. SELLERS AND WASHINGTON IN LAURA’S CELL

161.

PROMISED PATRONAGE

162.

NO LOVE LIKE A MOTHER’S

163.

CLEANED OUT BUT NOT CRUSHED

164.

THE LANDLORD TAKING LESSONS

165.

TAILPIECE

166.

"WE’VE STRUCK IT"

167.

THE MINE AT ILIUM

168.

THE HERMIT

169.

TAIL PIECE

110.

ONE CHANCE OPEN

171.

WHAT HE EXPECTED TO BE

172.

ALAS! POOR ALICE

173.

HOW HE WAS DRAWN IN

174.

EVERYTHING

175.

TAIL PIECE

176.

"COME NOW, LETS CHEER UP"

177.

A SHINING EXAMPLE

178.

THE SEWING SOCIETY DODGE

179.

DILWORTHY ADDRESSES A SUNDAY SCHOOL

180.

TAIL PIECE

181.

THE JUDGE

182.

LAURA ON TRIAL

183.

MICHAEL LANIGAN

184.

PATRICK COUGHLIN

185.

ETHAN DOBB

186.

MR HICKS

187.

SEARCH FOR A FATHER

158.

TAKING ADVANTAGE OF A LULL

189.

TERM EXPIRED

190.

RE-ELECTED

191.

THE “FAITHFUL OLD HAND"

192.

A FIRE BRAND

193.

TAIL PIECE

194.

COL. SELLERS AND WASHINGTON RETURN HOME AFTER THE VOTE

195.

A COURT-IN SCENE

196.

POPULAR ENDORSEMENT

197.

ONE OF THE INSULTED MEMBERS

195.

TOUCHED BY THE SIRUGGLES OF THE POOR

199.

MR NOBLE ASKS QUESTIONS

200.

THE WORN OUT STYLE OF SENATOR

201.

THE PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE

202.

THE LAST LINK BROKEN

203.

THE TERRIBLE ORDEAL

204.

RETROSPECTION

205.

GOOD-BYE TO WASHINGTON

206.

TAIL PIECE

207.

THE PARTING BLAST OFFERED

208.

THE LAST BLAST

209.

STRUCK IT AT LAST

210.

THE RICH PROPRIETOR

211.

THE SICK CHAMBER

212.

ALICE

FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I.

The Party—Across America to Vancouver—On Board the Warrimo—Steamer Chairs—The Captain—Going Home under a Cloud—A Gritty Purser—The Brightest Passenger—Remedy for Bad Habits—The Doctor and the Lumbago—A Moral Pauper—Limited Smoking—Remittance-men.

CHAPTER II.

Change of Costume—Fish, Snake, and Boomerang Stories—Tests of Memory—A Brahmin Expert—General Grant’s Memory—A Delicately Improper Tale

CHAPTER III.

Honolulu—Reminiscences of the Sandwich Islands—King Liholiho and His Royal Equipment—The Tabu—The Population of the Island—A Kanaka Diver—Cholera at Honolulu—Honolulu; Past and Present—The Leper Colony

CHAPTER IV.

Leaving Honolulu—Flying-fish—Approaching the Equator—Why the Ship Went Slow—The Front Yard of the Ship—Crossing the Equator—Horse Billiards or Shovel Board—The Waterbury Watch—Washing Decks—Ship Painters—The Great Meridian—The Loss of a Day—A Babe without a Birthday

CHAPTER V.

A lesson in Pronunciation—Reverence for Robert Burns—The Southern Cross—Troublesome Constellations—Victoria for a Name—Islands on the Map—Alofa and Fortuna—Recruiting for the Queensland Plantations—Captain Warren’s NoteBook—Recruiting not thoroughly Popular

CHAPTER VI.

Missionaries Obstruct Business—The Sugar Planter and the Kanaka—The Planter’s View—Civilizing the Kanaka—The Missionary’s View—The Result—Repentant Kanakas—Wrinkles—The Death Rate in Queensland

CHAPTER VII.

The Fiji Islands—Suva—The Ship from Duluth—Going Ashore—Midwinter in Fiji—Seeing the Governor—Why Fiji was Ceded to England—Old time Fijians—Convicts among the Fijians—A Case Where Marriage was a Failure—Immortality with Limitations

CHAPTER VIII.

A Wilderness of Islands—Two Men without a Country—A Naturalist from New Zealand—The Fauna of Australasia—Animals, Insects, and Birds—The Ornithorhynchus—Poetry and Plagiarism

CHAPTER IX.

Close to Australia—Porpoises at Night—Entrance to Sydney Harbor—The Loss of the Duncan Dunbar—The Harbor—The City of Sydney—Spring-time in Australia—The Climate—Information for Travelers—The Size of Australia—A Dust-Storm and Hot Wind

CHAPTER X.

The Discovery of Australia—Transportation of Convicts—Discipline—English Laws, Ancient and Modern—Flogging Prisoners to Death—Arrival of Settlers—New South Wales Corps—Rum Currency—Intemperance Everywhere—$100,000 for One Gallon of Rum—Development of the Country—Immense Resources

CHAPTER XI.

Hospitality of English-speaking People—Writers and their Gratitude—Mr. Gane and the Panegyrics—Population of Sydney An English City with American Trimming—“Squatters”—Palaces and Sheep Kingdoms—Wool and Mutton—Australians and Americans—Costermonger Pronunciation—England is “Home”—Table Talk—English and Colonial Audiences

CHAPTER XII.

Mr. X., a Missionary—Why Christianity Makes Slow Progress in India—A Large Dream—Hindoo Miracles and Legends—Sampson and Hanuman—The Sandstone Ridge—Where are the Gates?

CHAPTER XIII.

Public Works in Australasia—Botanical Garden of Sydney—Four Special Socialties—The Government House—A Governor and His Functions—The Admiralty House—The Tour of the Harbor—Shark Fishing—Cecil Rhodes’ Shark and his First Fortune—Free Board for Sharks.

CHAPTER XIV.

Bad Health—To Melbourne by Rail—Maps Defective—The Colony of Victoria—A Round-trip Ticket from Sydney—Change Cars, from Wide to Narrow Gauge, a Peculiarity at Albury—Customs-fences—“My Word”—The Blue Mountains—Rabbit Piles—Government R. R. Restaurants—Duchesses for Waiters—“Sheep-dip”—Railroad Coffee—Things Seen and Not Seen

CHAPTER XV.

Wagga-Wagga—The Tichborne Claimant—A Stock Mystery—The Plan of the Romance—The Realization—The Henry Bascom Mystery—Bascom Hall—The Author’s Death and Funeral

CHAPTER XVI.

Melbourne and its Attractions—The Melbourne Cup Races—Cup Day—Great Crowds—Clothes Regardless of Cost—The Australian Larrikin—Is He Dead?—Australian Hospitality—Melbourne Wool-brokers—The Museums—The Palaces—The Origin of Melbourne

CHAPTER XVII.

The British Empire—Its Exports and Imports—The Trade of Australia—To Adelaide—Broken Hill Silver Mine—A Roundabout road—The Scrub and its Possibilities for the Novelist—The Aboriginal Tracker—A Test Case—How Does One Cow-Track Differ from Another?

CHAPTER XVIII.

The Gum Trees—Unsociable Trees—Gorse and Broom—A universal Defect—An Adventurer—Wanted L200, got L20,000,000—A Vast Land Scheme—The Smash-up—The Corpse Got Up and Danced—A Unique Business by One Man—Buying the Kangaroo Skin—The Approach to Adelaide—Everything Comes to Him who Waits—A Healthy Religious sphere—What is the Matter with the Specter?

CHAPTER XIX.

The Botanical Gardens—Contributions from all Countries—The Zoological Gardens of Adelaide—The Laughing Jackass—The Dingo—A Misnamed Province—Telegraphing from Melbourne to San Francisco—A Mania for Holidays—The Temperature—The Death Rate—Celebration of the Reading of the Proclamation of 1836—Some old Settlers at the Commemoration—Their Staying Powers—The Intelligence of the Aboriginal—The Antiquity of the Boomerang

CHAPTER XX.

A Caller—A Talk about Old Times—The Fox Hunt—An Accurate Judgment of an Idiot—How We Passed the Custom Officers in Italy

CHAPTER XXI.

The “Weet-Weet”—Keeping down the Population—Victoria—Killing the Aboriginals—Pioneer Days in Queensland—Material for a Drama—The Bush—Pudding with Arsenic—Revenge—A Right Spirit but a Wrong Method—Death of Donga Billy

CHAPTER XXII.

Continued Description of Aboriginals—Manly Qualities—Dodging Balls—Feats of Spring—Jumping—Where the Kangaroo Learned its Art—Well Digging—Endurance—Surgery—Artistic Abilities—Fennimore Cooper’s Last Chance—Australian Slang

CHAPTER XXIII.

To Horsham (Colony of Victoria)—Description of Horsham—At the Hotel—Pepper Tree-The Agricultural College, Forty Pupils—High Temperature—Width of Road in Chains, Perches, etc.—The Bird with a Forgettable Name—The Magpie and the Lady—Fruit Trees—Soils—Sheep Shearing—To Stawell—Gold Mining Country—$75,000 per Month Income and able to Keep House—Fine Grapes and Wine—The Dryest Community on Earth—The Three Sisters—Gum Trees and Water

CHAPTER XXIV.

Road to Ballarat—The City—Great Gold Strike, 1851—Rush for Australia—“Great Nuggets”—Taxation—Revolt and Victory—Peter Lalor and the Eureka Stockade—“Pencil Mark”—Fine Statuary at Ballarat—Population—Ballarat English

CHAPTER XXV.

Bound for Bendigo—The Priest at Castlemaine—Time Saved by Walking—Description of Bendigo—A Valuable Nugget—Perseverence and Success—Mr. Blank and His Influence—Conveyance of an Idea—I Had to Like the Irishman—Corrigan Castle, and the Mark Twain Club—My Bascom Mystery Solved

CHAPTER XXVI.

Where New Zealand Is—But Few Know—Things People Think They Know—The Yale Professor and His Visitor from N. Z.

CHAPTER XXVII.

The South Pole Swell—Tasmania—Extermination of the Natives—The Picture Proclamation—The Conciliator—The Formidable Sixteen

CHAPTER XXVIII.

When the Moment Comes the Man Appears—Why Ed. Jackson called on Commodore Vanderbilt—Their Interview—Welcome to the Child of His Friend—A Big Time but under Inspection—Sent on Important Business—A Visit to the Boys on the Boat

CHAPTER XXIX.

Tasmania, Early Days—Description of the Town of Hobart—An Englishman’s Love of Home Surroundings—Neatest City on Earth—The Museum—A Parrot with an Acquired Taste—Glass Arrow Beads—Refuge for the Indigent too healthy

CHAPTER XXX.

Arrival at Bluff, N. Z.—Where the Rabbit Plague Began—The Natural Enemy of the Rabbit—Dunedin—A Lovely Town—Visit to Dr. Hockin—His Museum—A Liquified Caterpillar—The Unperfected Tape Worm—The Public Museum and Picture Gallery

CHAPTER XXXI.

The Express Train—“A Hell of a Hotel at Maryborough”—Clocks and Bells—Railroad Service.

CHAPTER XXXII.

Description of the Town of Christ Church—A Fine Museum—Jade-stone Trinkets—The Great Moa—The First Maori in New Zealand—Women Voters—“Person” in New Zealand Law Includes Woman—Taming an Ornithorhynchus—A Voyage in the ‘Flora’ from Lyttelton—Cattle Stalls for Everybody—A Wonderful Time.

CHAPTER XXXIII.

The Town of Nelson—“The Mongatapu Murders,” the Great Event of the Town—Burgess’ Confession—Summit of Mount Eden—Rotorua and the Hot Lakes and Geysers—Thermal Springs District—Kauri Gum—Tangariwa Mountains

CHAPTER XXXIV.

The Bay of Gisborne—Taking in Passengers by the Yard Arm—The Green Ballarat Fly—False Teeth—From Napier to Hastings by the Ballarat Fly Train—Kauri Trees—A Case of Mental Telegraphy

CHAPTER XXXV.

Fifty Miles in Four Hours—Comfortable Cars—Town of Wauganui—Plenty of Maoris—On the Increase—Compliments to the Maoris—The Missionary Ways all Wrong—The Tabu among the Maoris—A Mysterious Sign—Curious War-monuments—Wellington

CHAPTER XXXVI.

The Poems of Mrs. Moore—The Sad Fate of William Upson—A Fellow Traveler Imitating the Prince of Wales—A Would-be Dude—Arrival at Sydney—Curious Town Names with Poem

CHAPTER XXXVII.

From Sydney for Ceylon—A Lascar Crew—A Fine Ship—Three Cats and a Basket of Kittens—Dinner Conversations—Veuve Cliquot Wine—At Anchor in King George’s Sound Albany Harbor—More Cats—A Vulture on Board—Nearing the Equator again—Dressing for Dinner—Ceylon, Hotel Bristol—Servant Brampy—A Feminine Man—Japanese Jinriksha or Cart—Scenes in Ceylon—A Missionary School—Insincerity of Clothes

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

Steamer Rosetta to Bombay—Limes 14 cents a Barrel—Bombay, a Bewitching City—Descriptions of People and Dress—Woman as a Road Decoration—India, the Land of Dreams and Romance—Fourteen Porters to Carry Baggage—Correcting a Servant—Killing a Slave—Arranging a Bedroom—Three Hours’ Work and a Terrible Racket—The Bird of Birds, the Indian Crow

CHAPTER XXXIX.

God Vishnu, 108 Names—Change of Titles or Hunting for an Heir—Bombay as a Kaleidoscope—The Native’s Man Servant—Servants’ Recommendations—How Manuel got his Name and his English—Satan—A Visit from God

CHAPTER XL.

The Government House at Malabar Point—Mansion of Kumar Shri Samatsin Hji Bahadur—The Indian Princess—A Difficult Game—Wardrobe and Jewels—Ceremonials—Decorations when Leaving—The Towers of Silence—A Funeral

CHAPTER XLI.

A Jain Temple—Mr. Roychand’s Bungalow—A Decorated Six-Gun Prince—Human Fireworks—European Dress, Past and Present—Complexions—Advantages with the Zulu—Festivities at the Bungalow—Nautch Dancers—Entrance of the Prince—Address to the Prince

CHAPTER XLII.

A Hindoo Betrothal, midnight, Sleepers on the ground, Home of the Bride of Twelve Years Dressed as a Boy—Illumination—Nautch Girls—Imitating Snakes—Later—Illuminated Porch Filled with Sleepers—The Plague

CHAPTER XLIII.

Murder Trial in Bombay—Confidence Swindlers—Some Specialities of India—The Plague, Juggernaut, Suttee, etc.—Everything on Gigantic Scale—India First in Everything—80 States, more Custom Houses than Cats—Rich Ground for Thug Society

CHAPTER XLIV.

Official Thug Book—Supplies for Traveling, Bedding, and other Freight—Scene at Railway Station—Making Way for White Man—Waiting Passengers, High and Low Caste, Touch in the cars—Our Car—Beds made up—Dreaming of Thugs—Baroda—Meet Friends—Indian Well—The Old Town—Narrow Streets—A Mad Elephant

CHAPTER XLV.

Elephant Riding—Howdahs—The New Palace—The Prince’s Excursion—Gold and Silver Artillery—A Vice-royal Visit—Remarkable Dog—The Bench Show—Augustin Daly’s Back Door—Fakeer

CHAPTER XLVI.

The Thugs—Government Efforts to Exterminate them—Choking a Victim—A Fakeer Spared—Thief Strangled

CHAPTER XLVII.

Thugs, Continued—Record of Murders—A Joy of Hunting and Killing Men—Gordon Cumming—Killing an Elephant—Family Affection among Thugs—Burial Places

CHAPTER XLVIII.

Starting for Allahabad—Lower Berths in Sleepers—Elderly Ladies have Preference of Berths—An American Lady Takes One Anyhow—How Smythe Lost his Berth—How He Got Even—The Suttee

CHAPTER XLIX.

Pyjamas—Day Scene in India—Clothed in a Turban and a Pocket Handkerchief—Land Parceled Out—Established Village Servants—Witches in Families—Hereditary Midwifery—Destruction of Girl Babies—Wedding Display—Tiger-Persuader—Hailstorm Discouragers—The Tyranny of the Sweeper—Elephant Driver—Water Carrier—Curious Rivers—Arrival at Allahabad—English Quarter—Lecture Hall Like a Snowstorm—Private Carriages—A Milliner—Early Morning—The Squatting Servant—A Religious Fair

CHAPTER L.

On the Road to Benares—Dust and Waiting—The Bejeweled Crowd—A Native Prince and his Guard—Zenana Lady—The Extremes of Fashion—The Hotel at Benares—An Annex a Mile Away—Doors in India—The Peepul Tree—Warning against Cold Baths—A Strange Fruit—Description of Benares—The Beginning of Creation—Pilgrims to Benares—A Priest with a Good Business Stand—Protestant Missionary—The Trinity Brahma, Shiva, and Vishnu—Religion the Business at Benares

CHAPTER LI.

Benares a Religious Temple—A Guide for Pilgrims to Save Time in Securing Salvation

CHAPTER LII.

A Curious Way to Secure Salvation—The Banks of the Ganges—Architecture Represents Piety—A Trip on the River—Bathers and their Costumes—Drinking the Water—A Scientific Test of the Nasty Purifier—Hindoo Faith in the Ganges—A Cremation—Remembrances of the Suttee—All Life Sacred Except Human Life—The Goddess Bhowanee, and the Sacrificers—Sacred Monkeys—Ugly Idols Everywhere—Two White Minarets—A Great View with a Monkey in it—A Picture on the Water

CHAPTER LIII.

Still in Benares—Another Living God—Why Things are Wonderful—Sri 108 Utterly Perfect—How He Came so—Our Visit to Sri—A Friendly Deity Exchanging Autographs and Books—Sri’s Pupil—An Interesting Man—Reverence and Irreverence—Dancing in a Sepulchre

CHAPTER LIV.

Rail to Calcutta—Population—The “City of Palaces”—A Fluted Candle-stick—Ochterlony—Newspaper Correspondence—Average Knowledge of Countries—A Wrong Idea of Chicago—Calcutta and the Black Hole—Description of the Horrors—Those Who Lived—The Botanical Gardens—The Afternoon Turnout—Grand Review—Military Tournament—Excursion on the Hoogly—The Museum—What Winter Means in Calcutta

CHAPTER LV.

On the Road Again—Flannels in Order—Across Country—From Greenland’s Icy Mountain—Swapping Civilization—No Field women in India—How it is in Other Countries—Canvas-covered Cars—The Tiger Country—My First Hunt—Some Wild Elephants Get Away—The Plains of India—The Ghurkas—Women for Pack-Horses—A Substitute for a Cab—Darjeeling—The Hotel—The Highest Thing in the Himalayas—The Club—Kinchinjunga and Mt. Everest—Thibetans—The Prayer Wheel—People Going to the Bazar

CHAPTER LVI.

On the Road Again—The Hand-Car—A Thirty-five-mile Slide—The Banyan Tree—A Dramatic Performance—The Railroad Loop—The Half-way House—The Brain Fever Bird—The Coppersmith Bird—Nightingales and Cue Owls

CHAPTER LVII.

India the Most Extraordinary Country on Earth—Nothing Forgotten—The Land of Wonders—Annual Statistics Everywhere about Violence—Tiger vs. Man—A Handsome Fight—Annual Man Killing and Tiger Killing—Other Animals—Snakes—Insurance and Snake Tables—The Cobra Bite—Muzaffurpore—Dinapore—A Train that Stopped for Gossip—Six Hours for Thirty-five Miles—A Rupee to the Engineer—Ninety Miles an Hour—Again to Benares, the Piety Hive—To Lucknow

CHAPTER LVIII.

The Great Mutiny—The Massacre in Cawnpore—Terrible Scenes in Lucknow—The Residency—The Siege

CHAPTER LIX.

A Visit to the Residency—Cawnpore—The Adjutant Bird and the Hindoo Corpse—The Taj Mahal—The True Conception—The Ice Storm—True Gems—Syrian Fountains—An Exaggerated Niagara

CHAPTER LX.

To Lahore—The Governor’s Elephant—Taking a Ride—No Danger from Collision—Rawal Pindi—Back to Delhi—An Orientalized Englishman—Monkeys and the Paint-pot—Monkey Crying over my Note-book—Arrival at Jeypore—In Rajputana—Watching Servants—The Jeypore Hotel—Our Old and New Satan—Satan as a Liar—The Museum—A Street Show—Blocks of Houses—A Religious Procession

CHAPTER LXI.

Methods in American Deaf and Dumb Asylums—Methods in the Public Schools—A Letter from a Youth in Punjab—Highly Educated Service—A Damage to the Country—A Little Book from Calcutta—Writing Poor English—Embarrassed by a Beggar Girl—A Specimen Letter—An Application for Employment—A Calcutta School Examination—Two Samples of Literature

CHAPTER LXII.

Sail from Calcutta to Madras—Thence to Ceylon—Thence for Mauritius—The Indian Ocean—Our Captain’s Peculiarity—The Scot Has one too—The Flying-fish that Went Hunting in the Field—Fined for Smuggling—Lots of Pets on Board—The Color of the Sea—The Most Important Member of Nature’s Family—The Captain’s Story of Cold Weather—Omissions in the Ship’s Library—Washing Decks—Pyjamas on Deck—The Cat’s Toilet—No Interest in the Bulletin—Perfect Rest—The Milky Way and the Magellan Clouds—Mauritius—Port Louis—A Hot Country—Under French Control—A Variety of People and Complexions—Train to Curepipe—A Wonderful Office-holder—The Wooden Peg Ornament—The Prominent Historical Event of Mauritius—“Paul and Virginia”—One of Virginia’s Wedding Gifts—Heaven Copied after Mauritius—Early History of Mauritius—Quarantines—Population of all Kinds—What the World Consists of—Where Russia and Germany are—A Picture of Milan Cathedral—Newspapers—The Language—Best Sugar in the World—Literature of Mauritius

CHAPTER LXIII.

Port Louis—Matches no Good—Good Roads—Death Notices—Why European Nations Rob Each Other—What Immigrants to Mauritius Do—Population—Labor Wages—The Camaron—The Palmiste and other Eatables—Monkeys—The Cyclone of 1892—Mauritius a Sunday Landscape

CHAPTER LXIV.

The Steamer “Arundel Castle”—Poor Beds in Ships—The Beds in Noah’s Ark—Getting a Rest in Europe—Ship in Sight—Mozambique Channel—The Engineer and the Band—Thackeray’s “Madagascar”—Africanders Going Home—Singing on the After Deck—An Out-of-Place Story—Dynamite Explosion in Johannesburg—Entering Delagoa Bay—Ashore—A Hot Winter—Small Town—No Sights—No Carriages—Working Women—Barnum’s Purchase of Shakespeare’s Birthplace, Jumbo, and the Nelson Monument—Arrival at Durban

CHAPTER LXV.

Royal Hotel Durban—Bells that Did not Ring—Early Inquiries for Comforts—Change of Temperature after Sunset—Rickhaws—The Hotel Chameleon—Natives not out after the Bell—Preponderance of Blacks in Natal—Hair Fashions in Natal—Zulus for Police—A Drive round the Berea—The Cactus and other Trees—Religion a Vital Matter—Peculiar Views about Babies—Zulu Kings—A Trappist Monastery—Transvaal Politics—Reasons why the Trouble came About

CHAPTER LXVI.

Jameson over the Border—His Defeat and Capture—Sent to England for Trial—Arrest of Citizens by the Boers—Commuted Sentences—Final Release of all but Two—Interesting Days for a Stranger—Hard to Understand Either Side—What the Reformers Expected to Accomplish—How They Proposed to Do it—Testimonies a Year Later—A “Woman’s Part”—The Truth of the South African Situation—“Jameson’s Ride”—A Poem

CHAPTER LXVII.

Jameson’s Raid—The Reform Committee’s Difficult Task—Possible Plans—Advice that Jameson Ought to Have—The War of 1881 and its Lessons—Statistics of Losses of the Combatants—Jameson’s Battles—Losses on Both Sides—The Military Errors—How the Warfare Should Have Been Carried on to Be Successful

CHAPTER LXVIII.

Judicious Mr. Rhodes—What South Africa Consists of—Johannesburg—The Gold Mines—The Heaven of American Engineers—What the Author Knows about Mining—Description of the Boer—What Should be Expected of Him—What Was A Dizzy Jump for Rhodes—Taxes—Rhodesian Method of Reducing Native Population—Journeying in Cape Colony—The Cars—The Country—The Weather—Tamed Blacks—Familiar Figures in King William’s Town—Boer Dress—Boer Country Life—Sleeping Accommodations—The Reformers in Boer Prison—Torturing a Black Prisoner

CHAPTER LXIX.

An Absorbing Novelty—The Kimberley Diamond Mines—Discovery of Diamonds—The Wronged Stranger—Where the Gems Are—A Judicious Change of Boundary—Modern Machinery and Appliances—Thrilling Excitement in Finding a Diamond—Testing a Diamond—Fences—Deep Mining by Natives in the Compound—Stealing—Reward for the Biggest Diamond—A Fortune in Wine—The Great Diamond—Office of the De Beer Co.—Sorting the Gems—Cape Town—The Most Imposing Man in British Provinces—Various Reasons for his Supremacy—How He Makes Friends

CONCLUSION.

Table Rock—Table Bay—The Castle—Government and Parliament—The Club—Dutch Mansions and their Hospitality—Dr. John Barry and his Doings—On the Ship Norman—Madeira—Arrived in Southampton

SKETCHES NEW AND OLD

CONTENTS:

MY WATCH

POLITICAL ECONOMY

THE JUMPING FROG

JOURNALISM IN TENNESSEE

THE STORY OF THE BAD LITTLE BOY

THE STORY OF THE GOOD LITTLE BOY

A COUPLE OF POEMS BY TWAIN AND MOORE

NIAGARA

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS

TO RAISE POULTRY

EXPERIENCE OF THE MCWILLIAMSES WITH MEMBRANOUS CROUP

MY FIRST LITERARY VENTURE

HOW THE AUTHOR WAS SOLD IN NEWARK

THE OFFICE BORE

JOHNNY GREER

THE FACTS IN THE CASE OF THE GREAT BEEF CONTRACT

THE CASE OF GEORGE FISHER

DISGRACEFUL PERSECUTION OF A BOY

THE JUDGES “SPIRITED WOMAN"

INFORMATION WANTED

SOME LEARNED FABLES, FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS

MY LATE SENATORIAL SECRETARYSHIP

A FASHION ITEM

RILEY-NEWSPAPER CORRESPONDENT

A FINE OLD MAN

SCIENCE vs. LUCK

THE LATE BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

MR. BLOKE’S ITEM

A MEDIEVAL ROMANCE

PETITION CONCERNING COPYRIGHT

AFTER-DINNER SPEECH

LIONIZING MURDERERS

A NEW CRIME

A CURIOUS DREAM

A TRUE STORY

THE SIAMESE TWINS

SPEECH AT THE SCOTTISH BANQUET IN LONDON

A GHOST STORY

THE CAPITOLINE VENUS

SPEECH ON ACCIDENT INSURANCE

JOHN CHINAMAN IN NEW YORK

HOW I EDITED AN AGRICULTURAL PAPER

THE PETRIFIED MAN

MY BLOODY MASSACRE

THE UNDERTAKER’S CHAT

CONCERNING CHAMBERMAIDS

AURELIA’S UNFORTUNATE YOUNG MAN

"AFTER” JENKINS

ABOUT BARBERS

"PARTY CRIES” IN IRELAND

THE FACTS CONCERNING THE RECENT RESIGNATION

HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF

HONORED AS A CURIOSITY

FIRST INTERVIEW WITH ARTEMUS WARD

CANNIBALISM IN THE CARS

THE KILLING OF JULIUS CAESAR “LOCALIZED"

THE WIDOW’S PROTEST

THE SCRIPTURAL PANORAMIST

CURING A COLD

A CURIOUS PLEASURE EXCURSION

RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR

A MYSTERIOUS VISIT

HUCKLEBERRY FINN

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I.

Civilizing Huck.—Miss Watson.—Tom Sawyer Waits.

CHAPTER II.

The Boys Escape Jim.—Torn Sawyer’s Gang.—Deep-laid Plans.

CHAPTER III.

A Good Going-over.—Grace Triumphant.—“One of Tom Sawyers’s Lies”.

CHAPTER IV.

Huck and the Judge.—Superstition.

CHAPTER V.

Huck’s Father.—The Fond Parent.—Reform.

CHAPTER VI.

He Went for Judge Thatcher.—Huck Decided to Leave.—Political Economy.—Thrashing Around.

CHAPTER VII.

Laying for Him.—Locked in the Cabin.—Sinking the Body.—Resting.

CHAPTER VIII.

Sleeping in the Woods.—Raising the Dead.—Exploring the Island.—Finding Jim.—Jim’s Escape.—Signs.—Balum.

CHAPTER IX.

The Cave.—The Floating House.

CHAPTER X.

The Find.—Old Hank Bunker.—In Disguise.

CHAPTER XI.

Huck and the Woman.—The Search.—Prevarication.—Going to Goshen.

CHAPTER XII.

Slow Navigation.—Borrowing Things.—Boarding the Wreck.—The Plotters.—Hunting for the Boat.

CHAPTER XIII.

Escaping from the Wreck.—The Watchman.—Sinking.

CHAPTER XIV.

A General Good Time.—The Harem.—French.

CHAPTER XV.

Huck Loses the Raft.—In the Fog.—Huck Finds the Raft.—Trash.

CHAPTER XVI.

Expectation.—A White Lie.—Floating Currency.—Running by Cairo.—Swimming Ashore.

CHAPTER XVII.

An Evening Call.—The Farm in Arkansaw.—Interior Decorations.—Stephen Dowling Bots.—Poetical Effusions.

CHAPTER XVIII.

Col. Grangerford.—Aristocracy.—Feuds.—The Testament.—Recovering the Raft.—The Wood—pile.—Pork and Cabbage.

CHAPTER XIX.

Tying Up Day—times.—An Astronomical Theory.—Running a Temperance Revival.—The Duke of Bridgewater.—The Troubles of Royalty.

CHAPTER XX.

Huck Explains.—Laying Out a Campaign.—Working the Camp—meeting.—A Pirate at the Camp—meeting.—The Duke as a Printer.

CHAPTER XXI.

Sword Exercise.—Hamlet’s Soliloquy.—They Loafed Around Town.—A Lazy Town.—Old Boggs.—Dead.

CHAPTER XXII.

Sherburn.—Attending the Circus.—Intoxication in the Ring.—The Thrilling Tragedy.

CHAPTER XXIII.

Sold.—Royal Comparisons.—Jim Gets Home-sick.

CHAPTER XXIV.

Jim in Royal Robes.—They Take a Passenger.—Getting Information.—Family Grief.

CHAPTER XXV.

Is It Them?—Singing the “Doxologer.”—Awful Square—Funeral Orgies.—A Bad Investment .

CHAPTER XXVI.

A Pious King.—The King’s Clergy.—She Asked His Pardon.—Hiding in the Room.—Huck Takes the Money.

CHAPTER XXVII.

The Funeral.—Satisfying Curiosity.—Suspicious of Huck,—Quick Sales and Small.

CHAPTER XXVIII.

The Trip to England.—“The Brute!”—Mary Jane Decides to Leave.—Huck Parting with Mary Jane.—Mumps.—The Opposition Line.

CHAPTER XXIX.

Contested Relationship.—The King Explains the Loss.—A Question of Handwriting.—Digging up the Corpse.—Huck Escapes.

CHAPTER XXX.

The King Went for Him.—A Royal Row.—Powerful Mellow.

CHAPTER XXXI.

Ominous Plans.—News from Jim.—Old Recollections.—A Sheep Story.—Valuable Information.

CHAPTER XXXII.

Still and Sunday—like.—Mistaken Identity.—Up a Stump.—In a Dilemma.

CHAPTER XXXIII.

A Nigger Stealer.—Southern Hospitality.—A Pretty Long Blessing.—Tar and Feathers.

CHAPTER XXXIV.

The Hut by the Ash Hopper.—Outrageous.—Climbing the Lightning Rod.—Troubled with Witches.

CHAPTER XXXV.

Escaping Properly.—Dark Schemes.—Discrimination in Stealing.—A Deep Hole.

CHAPTER XXXVI.

The Lightning Rod.—His Level Best.—A Bequest to Posterity.—A High Figure.

CHAPTER XXXVII.

The Last Shirt.—Mooning Around.—Sailing Orders.—The Witch Pie.

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

The Coat of Arms.—A Skilled Superintendent.—Unpleasant Glory.—A Tearful Subject.

CHAPTER XXXIX.

Rats.—Lively Bed—fellows.—The Straw Dummy.

CHAPTER XL.

Fishing.—The Vigilance Committee.—A Lively Run.—Jim Advises a Doctor.

CHAPTER XLI.

The Doctor.—Uncle Silas.—Sister Hotchkiss.—Aunt Sally in Trouble.

CHAPTER XLII.

Tom Sawyer Wounded.—The Doctor’s Story.—Tom Confesses.—Aunt Polly Arrives.—Hand Out Them Letters    .

CHAPTER THE LAST.

Out of Bondage.—Paying the Captive.—Yours Truly, Huck Finn.

ILLUSTRATIONS.

The Widows

Moses and the “Bulrushers"

Miss Watson

Huck Stealing Away

They Tip-toed Along

Jim

Tom Sawyer’s Band of Robbers

Huck Creeps into his Window

Miss Watson’s Lecture

The Robbers Dispersed

Rubbing the Lamp

! ! ! !

Judge Thatcher surprised

Jim Listening

"Pap"

Huck and his Father

Reforming the Drunkard

Falling from Grace

Getting out of the Way

Solid Comfort

Thinking it Over

Raising a Howl

"Git Up"

The Shanty

Shooting the Pig

Taking a Rest

In the Woods

Watching the Boat

Discovering the Camp Fire

Jim and the Ghost

Misto Bradish’s Nigger

Exploring the Cave

In the Cave

Jim sees a Dead Man

They Found Eight Dollars

Jim and the Snake

Old Hank Bunker

"A Fair Fit"

"Come In"

"Him and another Man"

She puts up a Snack

"Hump Yourself"

On the Raft

He sometimes Lifted a Chicken

"Please don’t, Bill"

"It ain’t Good Morals"

"Oh! Lordy, Lordy!”

In a Fix

"Hello, What’s Up?"

The Wreck

We turned in and Slept

Turning over the Truck

Solomon and his Million Wives

The story of “Sollermun"

"We Would Sell the Raft"

Among the Snags

Asleep on the Raft

"Something being Raftsman"

"Boy, that’s a Lie"

"Here I is, Huck"

Climbing up the Bank

"Who’s There?"

"Buck"

"It made Her look Spidery"

"They got him out and emptied Him"

The House

Col. Grangerford

Young Harney Shepherdson

Miss Charlotte

"And asked me if I Liked Her"

"Behind the Wood-pile"

Hiding Day-times

"And Dogs a-Coming"

"By rights I am a Duke!”

"I am the Late Dauphin"

Tail Piece

On the Raft

The King as Juliet

"Courting on the Sly"

"A Pirate for Thirty Years"

Another little Job

Practizing

Hamlet’s Soliloquy

"Gimme a Chaw"

A Little Monthly Drunk

The Death of Boggs

Sherburn steps out

A Dead Head

He shed Seventeen Suits

Tragedy

Their Pockets Bulged

Henry the Eighth in Boston Harbor

Harmless

Adolphus

He fairly emptied that Young Fellow

"Alas, our Poor Brother"

"You Bet it is"

Leaking

Making up the “Deffisit"

Going for him

The Doctor

The Bag of Money

The Cubby

Supper with the Hare-Lip

Honest Injun

The Duke looks under the Bed

Huck takes the Money

A Crack in the Dining-room Door

The Undertaker

"He had a Rat!”

"Was you in my Room?"

Jawing

In Trouble

Indignation

How to Find Them

He Wrote

Hannah with the Mumps

The Auction

The True Brothers

The Doctor leads Huck

The Duke Wrote

"Gentlemen, Gentlemen!”

"Jim Lit Out"

The King shakes Huck

The Duke went for Him

Spanish Moss

"Who Nailed Him?"

Thinking

He gave him Ten Cents

Striking for the Back Country

Still and Sunday-like

She hugged him tight

"Who do you reckon it is?"

"It was Tom Sawyer"

"Mr. Archibald Nichols, I presume?"

A pretty long Blessing

Traveling By Rail

Vittles

A Simple Job

Witches

Getting Wood

One of the Best Authorities

The Breakfast-Horn

Smouching the Knives

Going down the Lightning-Rod

Stealing spoons

Tom advises a Witch Pie

The Rubbage-Pile

"Missus, dey’s a Sheet Gone"

In a Tearing Way

One of his Ancestors

Jim’s Coat of Arms

A Tough Job

Buttons on their Tails

Irrigation

Keeping off Dull Times

Sawdust Diet

Trouble is Brewing

Fishing

Every one had a Gun

Tom caught on a Splinter

Jim advises a Doctor

The Doctor

Uncle Silas in Danger

Old Mrs. Hotchkiss

Aunt Sally talks to Huck

Tom Sawyer wounded

The Doctor speaks for Jim

Tom rose square up in Bed

"Hand out them Letters"

Out of Bondage

Tom’s Liberality

Yours Truly

THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I.

Y-o-u-u Tom-Aunt Polly Decides Upon her Duty —Tom Practices Music—The Challenge—A Private Entrance

CHAPTER II.

Strong Temptations—Strategic Movements —The Innocents Beguiled

CHAPTER III.

Tom as a General—Triumph and Reward —Dismal Felicity—Commission and Omission

CHAPTER IV.

Mental Acrobatics—Attending Sunday—School —The Superintendent—“Showing off”—Tom Lionized

CHAPTER V.

A Useful Minister—In Church—The Climax

CHAPTER VI.

Self-Examination—Dentistry—The Midnight Charm —Witches and Devils—Cautious Approaches—Happy Hours

CHAPTER VII.

A Treaty Entered Into—Early Lessons—A Mistake Made

CHAPTER VIII.

Tom Decides on his Course—Old Scenes Re-enacted

CHAPTER IX.

A Solemn Situation—Grave Subjects Introduced —Injun Joe Explains

CHAPTER X.

The Solemn Oath—Terror Brings Repentance —Mental Punishment

CHAPTER XI.

Muff Potter Comes Himself—Tom’s Conscience at Work

CHAPTER XII.

Tom Shows his Generosity—Aunt Polly Weakens

CHAPTER XIII.

The Young Pirates—Going to the Rendezvous —The Camp—Fire Talk

CHAPTER XIV.

Camp-Life—A Sensation—Tom Steals Away from Camp

CHAPTER XV.

Tom Reconnoiters—Learns the Situation—Reports at Camp

CHAPTER XVI.

A Day’s Amusements—Tom Reveals a Secret—The Pirates take a Lesson —A Night Surprise—An Indian War

CHAPTER XVII.

Memories of the Lost Heroes—The Point in Tom’s Secret

CHAPTER XVIII.

Tom’s Feelings Investigated—Wonderful Dream —Becky Thatcher Overshadowed —Tom Becomes Jealous—Black Revenge

CHAPTER XIX.

Tom Tells the Truth

CHAPTER XX.

Becky in a Dilemma —Tom’s Nobility Asserts Itself

CHAPTER XXI.

Youthful Eloquence—Compositions by the Young Ladies—A Lengthy Vision —The Boy’s Vengeance Satisfied

CHAPTER XXII.

Tom’s Confidence Betrayed —Expects Signal Punishment

CHAPTER XXIII.

Old Muff’s Friends—Muff Potter in Court —Muff Potter Saved

CHAPTER XXIV.

Tom as the Village Hero—Days of Splendor and Nights of Horror—Pursuit of Injun Joe

CHAPTER XXV.

About Kings and Diamonds—Search for the Treasure —Dead People and Ghosts

CHAPTER XXVI.

The Haunted House—Sleepy Ghosts —A Box of Gold—Bitter Luck

CHAPTER XXVII.

Doubts to be Settled—The Young Detectives

CHAPTER XXVIII.

An Attempt at No. Two—Huck Mounts Guard

CHAPTER XXIX.

The Pic-nic—Huck on Injun Joe’s Track —The “Revenge” Job—Aid for the Widow

CHAPTER XXX.

The Welchman Reports—Huck Under Fire—The Story Circulated —A New Sensation—Hope Giving Way to Despair

CHAPTER XXXI.

An Exploring Expedition—Trouble Commences —Lost in the Cave—Total Darkness—Found but not Saved

CHAPTER XXXII.

Tom tells the Story of their Escape —Tom’s Enemy in Safe Quarters

CHAPTER XXXIII.

The Fate of Injun Joe—Huck and Tom Compare Notes —An Expedition to the Cave—Protection Against Ghosts —“An Awful Snug Place”—A Reception at the Widow Douglas’s

CHAPTER XXXIV.

Springing a Secret—Mr. Jones’ Surprise a Failure

CHAPTER XXXV.

A New Order of Things—Poor Huck—New Adventures Planned

ILLUSTRATIONS

Tom Sawyer

Tom at Home

Aunt Polly Beguiled

A Good Opportunity

Who’s Afraid

Late Home

Jim

'Tendin’ to Business

Ain’t that Work?

Cat and Toys

Amusement

Becky Thatcher

Paying Off

After the Battle

"Showing Off"

Not Amiss

Mary

Tom Contemplating

Dampened Ardor

Youth

Boyhood

Using the “Barlow"

The Church

Necessities

Tom as a Sunday-School Hero

The Prize

At Church

The Model Boy

The Church Choir

A Side Show

Result of Playing in Church

The Pinch-Bug

Sid

Dentistry

Huckleberry Finn

Mother Hopkins

Result of Tom’s Truthfulness

Tom as an Artist

Interrupted Courtship

The Master

Vain Pleading

Tail Piece

The Grave in the Woods

Tom Meditates

Robin Hood and his Foe

Death of Robin Hood

Midnight

Tom’s Mode of Egress

Tom’s Effort at Prayer

Muff Potter Outwitted

The Graveyard

Forewarnings

Disturbing Muff’s Sleep

Tom’s Talk with his Aunt

Muff Potter

A Suspicious Incident

Injun Joe’s two Victims

In the Coils

Peter

Aunt Polly seeks Information

A General Good Time

Demoralized

Joe Harper

On Board Their First Prize

The Pirates Ashore

Wild Life

The Pirate’s Bath

The Pleasant Stroll

The Search for the Drowned

The Mysterious Writing

River View

What Tom Saw

Tom Swims the River

Taking Lessons

The Pirates’ Egg Market

Tom Looking for Joe’s Knife

The Thunder Storm

Terrible Slaughter

The Mourner

Tom’s Proudest Moment

Amy Lawrence

Tom tries to Remember

The Hero

A Flirtation

Becky Retaliates

A Sudden Frost

Counter-irritation

Aunt Polly

Tom justified

The Discovery

Caught in the Act

Tom Astonishes the School

Literature

Tom Declaims

Examination Evening

On Exhibition

Prize Authors

The Master’s Dilemma

The School House

The Cadet

Happy for Two Days

Enjoying the Vacation

The Stolen Melons

The Judge

Visiting the Prisoner

Tom Swears

The Court Room

The Detective

Tom Dreams

The Treasure

The Private Conference

A King; Poor Fellow!

Business

The Ha’nted House

Injun Joe

The Greatest and Best

Hidden Treasures Unearthed

The Boy’s Salvation

Room No. 2

The Next Day’s Conference

Treasures

Uncle Jake

Buck at Home

The Haunted Room

"Run for Your Life"

McDougal’s Cave

Inside the Cave

Huck on Duty

A Rousing Act

Tail Piece

The Welchman

Result of a Sneeze

Cornered

Alarming Discoveries

Tom and Becky stir up the Town

Tom’s Marks

Huck Questions the Widow

Vampires

Wonders of the Cave

Attacked by Natives

Despair

The Wedding Cake

A New Terror

Daylight

"Turn Out” to Receive Tom and Becky

The Escape from the Cave

Fate of the Ragged Man

The Treasures Found

Caught at Last

Drop after Drop

Having a Good Time

A Business Trip

"Got it at Last!”

Tail Piece

Widow Douglas

Tom Backs his Statement

Tail Piece

Huck Transformed

Comfortable Once More

High up in Society

Contentment

ROUGHING IT

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I.

My Brother appointed Secretary of Nevada—I Envy His Prospective Adventures—Am Appointed Private Secretary Under Him—My Contentment Complete—Packed in One Hour—Dreams and Visions—On the Missouri River—A Bully Boat

CHAPTER II.

Arrive at St. Joseph—Only Twenty-five Pounds Baggage Allowed—Farewell to Kid Gloves and Dress Coats—Armed to the Teeth—The “Allen”—A Cheerful Weapon—Persuaded to Buy a Mule—Schedule of Luxuries—We Leave the “States”—“Our Coach”—Mails for the Indians—Between a Wink and an Earthquake—A Modern Sphynx and How She Entertained Us—A Sociable Heifer

CHAPTER III.

“The Thoroughbrace is Broke”—Mails Delivered Properly—Sleeping Under Difficulties—A Jackass Rabbit Meditating, and on Business—A Modern Gulliver—Sage-brush—Overcoats as an Article of Diet—Sad Fate of a Camel—Warning to Experimenters

CHAPTER IV.

Making Our Bed—Assaults by the Unabridged—At a Station—Our Driver a Great and Shining Dignitary—Strange Place for a Frontyard—Accommodations—Double Portraits—An Heirloom—Our Worthy Landlord—“Fixings and Things”—An Exile—Slumgullion—A Well Furnished Table—The Landlord Astonished—Table Etiquette—Wild Mexican Mules—Stage-coaching and Railroading

CHAPTER V.

New Acquaintances—The Cayote—A Dog’s Experiences—A Disgusted Dog—The Relatives of the Cayote—Meals Taken Away from Home

CHAPTER VI.

The Division Superintendent—The Conductor—The Driver—One Hundred and Fifty Miles’ Drive Without Sleep—Teaching a Subordinate—Our Old Friend Jack and a Pilgrim—Ben Holliday Compared to Moses

CHAPTER VII.

Overland City—Crossing the Platte—Bemis’s Buffalo Hunt—Assault by a Buffalo—Bemis’s Horse Goes Crazy—An Impromptu Circus—A New Departure—Bemis Finds Refuge in a Tree—Escapes Finally by a Wonderful Method

CHAPTER VIII.

The Pony Express—Fifty Miles Without Stopping—“Here he Comes”—Alkali Water—Riding an Avalanche—Indian Massacre

CHAPTER IX.

Among the Indians—An Unfair Advantage—Laying on our Arms—A Midnight Murder—Wrath of Outlaws—A Dangerous, yet Valuable Citizen

CHAPTER X.

History of Slade—A Proposed Fist-fight—Encounter with Jules—Paradise of Outlaws—Slade as Superintendent—As Executioner—A Doomed Whisky Seller—A Prisoner—A Wife’s Bravery—An Ancient Enemy Captured—Enjoying a Luxury—Hob-nobbing with Slade—Too Polite—A Happy Escape

CHAPTER XI

. Slade in Montana—“On a Spree”—In Court—Attack on a Judge—Arrest by the Vigilantes—Turn out of the Miners—Execution of Slade—Lamentations of His Wife—Was Slade a Coward?

CHAPTER XII.

A Mormon Emigrant Train—The Heart of the Rocky Mountains—Pure Saleratus—A Natural Ice-House—An Entire Inhabitant—In Sight of “Eternal Snow”—The South Pass—The Parting Streams—An Unreliable Letter Carrier—Meeting of Old Friends—A Spoiled Watermelon—Down the Mountain- -A Scene of Desolation—Lost in the Dark—Unnecessary Advice—U.S. Troops and Indians—Sublime Spectacle—Another Delusion Dispelled—Among the Angels

CHAPTER XIII.

Mormons and Gentiles—Exhilarating Drink, and its Effect on Bemis—Salt Lake City—A Great Contrast—A Mormon Vagrant—Talk with a Saint—A Visit to the “King”—A Happy Simile

CHAPTER XIV.

Mormon Contractors—How Mr. Street Astonished Them—The Case Before Brigham Young, and How he Disposed of it—Polygamy Viewed from a New Position

CHAPTER XV.

A Gentile Den—Polygamy Discussed—Favorite Wife and D. 4—Hennery for Retired Wives—Children Need Marking—Cost of a Gift to No. 6—A Penny- whistle Gift and its Effects—Fathering the Foundlings—It Resembled Him—The Family Bedstead

CHAPTER XVI.

The Mormon Bible—Proofs of its Divinity—Plagiarism of its Authors—Story of Nephi—Wonderful Battle—Kilkenny Cats Outdone

CHAPTER XVII.

Three Sides to all Questions—Everything “A Quarter”—Shriveled Up—Emigrants and White Shirts at a Discount—“Forty-Niners”—Above Par—Real Happiness

CHAPTER XVIII.

Alkali Desert—Romance of Crossing Dispelled—Alkali Dust—Effect on the Mules—Universal Thanksgiving

CHAPTER XIX.

The Digger Indians Compared with the Bushmen of Africa—Food, Life and Characteristics—Cowardly Attack on a Stage Coach—A Brave Driver—The Noble Red Man

CHAPTER XX.

The Great American Desert—Forty Miles on Bones—Lakes Without Outlets—Greely’s Remarkable Ride—Hank Monk, the Renowned Driver—Fatal Effects of “Corking” a Story—Bald-Headed Anecdote

CHAPTER XXI.

Alkali Dust—Desolation and Contemplation—Carson City—Our Journey Ended—We are Introduced to Several Citizens—A Strange Rebuke—A Washoe Zephyr at Play—Its Office Hours—Governor’s Palace—Government Offices—Our French Landlady Bridget O’Flannigan—Shadow Secrets—Cause for a Disturbance at Once—The Irish Brigade—Mrs. O’Flannigan’s Boarders—The Surveying Expedition—Escape of the Tarantulas

CHAPTER XXII.

The Son of a Nabob—Start for Lake Tahoe—Splendor of the Views—Trip on the Lake—Camping Out—Reinvigorating Climate—Clearing a Tract of Land—Securing a Title—Outhouse and Fences

CHAPTER XXIII.

A Happy Life—Lake Tahoe and its Moods—Transparency of the Waters—A Catastrophe—Fire! Fire!—A Magnificent Spectacle—Homeless Again—We take to the Lake—A Storm—Return to Carson

CHAPTER XXIV.

Resolve to Buy a Horse—Horsemanship in Carson—A Temptation—Advice Given Me Freely—I Buy the Mexican Plug—My First Ride—A Good Bucker—I Loan the Plug—Experience of Borrowers—Attempts to Sell—Expense of the Experiment—A Stranger Taken In

CHAPTER XXV.

The Mormons in Nevada—How to Persuade a Loan from Them—Early History of the Territory—Silver Mines Discovered—The New Territorial Government—A Foreign One and a Poor One—Its Funny Struggles for Existence—No Credit, no Cash—Old Abe Currey Sustains it and its Officers—Instructions and Vouchers—An Indian’s Endorsement—Toll-Gates

CHAPTER XXVI.

The Silver Fever—State of the Market—Silver Bricks—Tales Told—Off for the Humboldt Mines

CHAPTER XXVII.

Our manner of going—Incidents of the Trip—A Warm but Too Familiar a Bedfellow—Mr. Ballou Objects—Sunshine amid Clouds—Safely Arrived

CHAPTER XXVIII.

Arrive at the Mountains—Building Our Cabin—My First Prospecting Tour—My First Gold Mine—Pockets Filled With Treasures—Filtering the News to My Companions—The Bubble Pricked—All Not Gold That Glitters

CHAPTER XXIX.

Out Prospecting—A Silver Mine At Last—Making a Fortune With Sledge and Drill—A Hard Road to Travel—We Own in Claims—A Rocky Country

CHAPTER XXX.

Disinterested Friends—How “Feet” Were Sold—We Quit Tunnelling—A Trip to Esmeralda—My Companions—An Indian Prophesy—A Flood—Our Quarters During It

CHAPTER XXXI.

The Guests at “Honey Lake Smith’s”—“Bully Old Arkansas”—“Our Landlord"- -Determined to Fight—The Landlord’s Wife—The Bully Conquered by Her—Another Start—Crossing the Carson—A Narrow Escape—Following Our Own Track—A New Guide—Lost in the Snow

CHAPTER XXXII.

Desperate Situation—Attempts to Make a Fire—Our Horses leave us—We Find Matches—One, Two, Three and the Last—No Fire—Death Seems Inevitable—We Mourn Over Our Evil Lives—Discarded Vices—We Forgive Each Other—An Affectionate Farewell—The Sleep of Oblivion

CHAPTER XXXIII.

Return of Consciousness—Ridiculous Developments—A Station House—Bitter Feelings—Fruits of Repentance—Resurrected Vices

CHAPTER XXXIV.

About Carson—General Buncombe—Hyde vs. Morgan—How Hyde Lost His Ranch- -The Great Landslide Case—The Trial—General Buncombe in Court—A Wonderful Decision—A Serious Afterthought

CHAPTER XXXV.

A New Travelling Companion—All Full and No Accommodations—How Captain Nye found Room—and Caused Our Leaving to be Lamented—The Uses of Tunnelling—A Notable Example—We Go into the “Claim” Business and Fail—At the Bottom

CHAPTER XXXVI.

A Quartz Mill—Amalgamation—“Screening Tailings”—First Quartz Mill in Nevada—Fire Assay—A Smart Assayer—I stake for an advance

CHAPTER XXXVII.

The Whiteman Cement Mine—Story of its Discovery—A Secret Expedition—A Nocturnal Adventure—A Distressing Position—A Failure and a Week’s Holiday

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

Mono Lake—Shampooing Made Easy—Thoughtless Act of Our Dog and the Results—Lye Water—Curiosities of the Lake—Free Hotel—Some Funny Incidents a Little Overdrawn

CHAPTER XXXIX.

Visit to the Islands in Lake Mono—Ashes and Desolation—Life Amid Death Our Boat Adrift—A Jump For Life—A Storm On the Lake—A Mass of Soap Suds—Geological Curiosities—A Week On the Sierras—A Narrow Escape From a Funny Explosion—“Stove Heap Gone"

CHAPTER XL.

The “Wide West” Mine—It is “Interviewed” by Higbie—A Blind Lead—Worth a Million—We are Rich At Last—Plans for the Future

CHAPTER XLI.

A Rheumatic Patient—Day Dreams—An Unfortunate Stumble—I Leave Suddenly—Another Patient—Higbie in the Cabin—Our Balloon Bursted—Worth Nothing—Regrets and Explanations—Our Third Partner

CHAPTER XLII.

What to do Next?—Obstacles I Had Met With—“Jack of All Trades”—Mining Again—Target Shooting—I Turn City Editor—I Succeed Finely

CHAPTER XLIII.

My Friend Boggs—The School Report—Boggs Pays Me An Old Debt—Virginia City

CHAPTER XLIV.

Flush Times—Plenty of Stock—Editorial Puffing—Stocks Given Me—Salting Mines—A Tragedian In a New Role

CHAPTER XLV.

Flush Times Continue—Sanitary Commission Fund—Wild Enthusiasm of the People—Would not wait to Contribute—The Sanitary Flour Sack—It is Carried to Gold Hill and Dayton—Final Reception in Virginia—Results of the Sale—A Grand Total

CHAPTER XLVI.

The Nabobs of Those Days—John Smith as a Traveler—Sudden Wealth—A Sixty-Thousand-Dollar Horse—A Smart Telegraph Operator—A Nabob in New York City—Charters an Omnibus—“Walk in, It’s All Free”—“You Can’t Pay a Cent”—“Hold On, Driver, I Weaken”—Sociability of New Yorkers

CHAPTER XLVII.

Buck Fanshaw’s Death—The Cause Thereof—Preparations for His Burial—Scotty Briggs the Committee Man—He Visits the Minister—Scotty Can’t Play His Hand—The Minister Gets Mixed—Both Begin to See—“All Down Again But Nine”—Buck Fanshaw as a Citizen—How To “Shook Your Mother”—The Funeral—Scotty Briggs as a Sunday School Teacher

CHAPTER XLVIII.

The First Twenty-Six Graves in Nevada—The Prominent Men of the County—The Man Who Had Killed His Dozen—Trial by Jury—Specimen Jurors—A Private Grave Yard—The Desperadoes—Who They Killed—Waking up the Weary Passenger—Satisfaction Without Fighting

CHAPTER XLIX.

Fatal Shooting Affray—Robbery and Desperate Affray—A Specimen City Official—A Marked Man—A Street Fight—Punishment of Crime

CHAPTER L.

Captain Ned Blakely—Bill Nookes Receives Desired Information—Killing of Blakely’s Mate—A Walking Battery—Blakely Secures Nookes—Hang First and Be Tried Afterwards—Captain Blakely as a Chaplain—The First Chapter of Genesis Read at a Hanging—Nookes Hung—Blakely’s Regrets

CHAPTER LI.

The Weekly Occidental—A Ready Editor—A Novel—A Concentration of Talent—The Heroes and the Heroines—The Dissolute Author Engaged—Extraordinary Havoc With the Novel—A Highly Romantic Chapter—The Lovers Separated—Jonah Out-done—A Lost Poem—The Aged Pilot Man—Storm On the Erie Canal—Dollinger the Pilot Man—Terrific Gale—Danger Increases—A Crisis Arrived—Saved as if by a Miracle

CHAPTER LII.

Freights to California—Silver Bricks—Under Ground Mines—Timber Supports—A Visit to the Mines—The Caved Mines—Total of Shipments in 1863

CHAPTER LIII.

Jim Blaine and his Grandfather’s Ram—Filkin’s Mistake—Old Miss Wagner and her Glass Eye—Jacobs, the Coffin Dealer—Waiting for a Customer—His Bargain With Old Robbins—Robbins Sues for Damage and Collects—A New Use for Missionaries—The Effect—His Uncle Lem and the Use Providence Made of Him—Sad Fate of Wheeler—Devotion of His Wife—A Model Monument—What About the Ram?

CHAPTER LIV.

Chinese in Virginia City—Washing Bills—Habit of Imitation—Chinese Immigration—A Visit to Chinatown—Messrs. Ah Sing, Hong Wo, See Yup, &c

CHAPTER LV.

Tired of Virginia City—An Old Schoolmate—A Two Years’ Loan—Acting as an Editor—Almost Receive an Offer—An Accident—Three Drunken Anecdotes—Last Look at Mt. Davidson—A Beautiful Incident

CHAPTER LVI.

Off for San Francisco—Western and Eastern Landscapes—The Hottest place on Earth—Summer and Winter

CHAPTER LVII.

California—Novelty of Seeing a Woman—“Well if it ain’t a Child!”—One Hundred and Fifty Dollars for a Kiss—Waiting for a turn

CHAPTER LVIII.

Life in San Francisco—Worthless Stocks—My First Earthquake—Reportorial Instincts—Effects of the Shocks—Incidents and Curiosities—Sabbath Breakers—The Lodger and the Chambermaid—A Sensible Fashion to Follow—Effects of the Earthquake on the Ministers

CHAPTER LIX.

Poor Again—Slinking as a Business—A Model Collector—Misery loves Company—Comparing Notes for Comfort—A Streak of Luck—Finding a Dime—Wealthy by Comparison—Two Sumptuous Dinners

CHAPTER LX.

An Old Friend—An Educated Miner—Pocket Mining—Freaks of Fortune

CHAPTER LXI.

Dick Baker and his Cat—Tom Quartz’s Peculiarities—On an Excursion—Appearance On His Return—A Prejudiced Cat—Empty Pockets and a Roving Life

CHAPTER LXII.

Bound for the Sandwich Islands—The Three Captains—The Old Admiral—His Daily Habits—His Well Fought Fields—An Unexpected Opponent—The Admiral Overpowered—The Victor Declared a Hero

CHAPTER LXIII.

Arrival at the Islands—Honolulu—What I Saw There—Dress and Habits of the Inhabitants—The Animal Kingdom—Fruits and Delightful Effects

CHAPTER LXIV.

An Excursion—Captain Phillips and his Turn-Out—A Horseback Ride—A Vicious Animal—Nature and Art—Interesting Ruins—All Praise to the Missionaries

CHAPTER LXV.

Interesting Mementoes and Relics—An Old Legend of a Frightful Leap—An Appreciative Horse—Horse Jockeys and Their Brothers—A New Trick—A Hay Merchant—Good Country for Horse Lovers

CHAPTER LXVI.

A Saturday Afternoon—Sandwich Island Girls on a Frolic—The Poi Merchant—Grand Gala Day—A Native Dance—Church Membership—Cats and Officials—An Overwhelming Discovery

CHAPTER LXVII.

The Legislature of the Island—What Its President Has Seen—Praying for an Enemy—Women’s Rights—Romantic Fashions—Worship of the Shark—Desire for Dress—Full Dress—Not Paris Style—Playing Empire—Officials and Foreign Ambassadors—Overwhelming Magnificence

CHAPTER LXVIII.

A Royal Funeral—Order of Procession—Pomp and Ceremony—A Striking Contrast—A Sick Monarch—Human Sacrifices at His Death—Burial Orgies

CHAPTER LXIX.

“Once more upon the Waters.”—A Noisy Passenger—Several Silent Ones—A Moonlight Scene—Fruits and Plantations

CHAPTER LXX.

A Droll Character—Mrs. Beazely and Her Son—Meditations on Turnips—A Letter from Horace Greeley—An Indignant Rejoinder—The Letter Translated but too Late

CHAPTER LXXI.

Kealakekua Bay—Death of Captain Cook—His Monument—Its Construction—On Board the Schooner

CHAPTER LXXII.

Young Kanakas in New England—A Temple Built by Ghosts—Female Bathers—I Stood Guard—Women and Whiskey—A Fight for Religion—Arrival of Missionaries

CHAPTER LXXIII.

Native Canoes—Surf Bathing—A Sanctuary—How Built—The Queen’s Rock—Curiosities—Petrified Lava

CHAPTER LXXIV.

Visit to the Volcano—The Crater—Pillar of Fire—Magnificent Spectacle—A Lake of Fire

CHAPTER LXXV.

The North Lake—Fountains of Fire—Streams of Burning Lava—Tidal Waves

CHAPTER LXXVI.

A Reminiscence—Another Horse Story—My Ride with the Retired Milk Horse- -A Picnicing Excursion—Dead Volcano of Holeakala—Comparison with Vesuvius—An Inside View

CHAPTER LXXVII.

A Curious Character—A Series of Stories—Sad Fate of a Liar—Evidence of Insanity

CHAPTER LXXVIII.

Return to San Francisco—Ship Amusements—Preparing for Lecturing—Valuable Assistance Secured—My First Attempt—The Audience Carried—“All’s Well that Ends Well."

CHAPTER LXXIX.

Highwaymen—A Predicament—A Huge Joke—Farewell to California—At Home Again—Great Changes. Moral.

APPENDIX. A.

—Brief Sketch of Mormon History B.—The Mountain Meadows Massacre C.—Concerning a Frightful Assassination that was never Consummated

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

1. THE MINERS’ DREAM

2. ENVIOUS CONTEMPLATIONS

3. INNOCENT DREAMS

4. LIGHT TRAVELING ORDER

5. THE “ALLEN"

6. INDUCEMENTS TO PURCHASE

7. THE FACETIOUS DRIVER

8. PLEASING NEWS

9. THE SPHYNX

10. MEDITATION

11. ON BUSINESS

12. AUTHOR AS GULLIVER

13. A TOUCH STATEMENT

14. THIRD TRIP OF THE UNABRIDGED

15. A POWERFUL GLASS

16. AN HEIRLOOM

17. OUR LANDLORD

18. DIGNIFIED EXILE

19. DRINKING SLUMGULLION

20. A JOKE WITHOUT CREAM

21. PULLMAN CAR DINING-SALOON

22. OUR MORNING RIDE

23. PRAIRIE DOGS

24. A CAYOTE

25. SHOWING RESPECT TO RELATIVES

26. THE CONDUCTOR

27. TEACHING A SUBORDINATE

28. JACK AND THE ELDERLY PILGRIM

29. CROSSING THE PLATTE

30. I BEGAN TO PRAY

31. A NEW DEPARTURE

32. SUSPENDED OPERATIONS

33. A WONDERFUL LIE

34. TALL PIECE

35. HERE HE COMES

36. CHANGING HORSES

37. RIDING THE AVALANCHE

38. INDIAN COUNTRY

39. A PROPOSED FIST FIGHT

40. FROM BEHIND THE DOOR

41. SLADE AS AN EXECUTIONER

42. AN UNPLEASANT VIEW

43. UNAPPRECIATED POLITENESS

44. SLADE IN COURT

45. A WIFE’S LAMENTATIONS

46. THE CONCENTRATED INHABITANT

47. THE SOUTH PASS

48. THE PARTED STREAMS

49. IT SPOILED THE MELON

50. THE CAYOTE AND THE RAVEN

51. "DON’T COME HERE ...

52. "THINK I’M A FOOL ...

53. THE “DESTROYING ANGEL...

54. EFFECTS OF “VALLEY TAN"

55. ONE CREST

56. THE OTHER

57. THE VAGRANT

58. PORTRAIT OF EBER KIMBALL

59. PORTRAIT OR BRIGHAM YOUNG

60. THE CONTRACTORS BEFORE THE KING

61. I WAS TOUCHED

62. THE ENDOWMENT

63. FAVORITE WIFE AND D.4

64. NEEDED MARKING

65. A REMARKABLE RESEMBLANCE

66. THE FAMILY BEDSTEAD

67. THE MIRACULOUS COMPASS

68. THREE SIDES TO A QUESTION

69. RESULT OF HFGH FREIGHTS

70. A SHRIVELED QUARTER

71. AN OBJECT OF PITY

72. TAIL-PIECE

73. TAIL-PIECE

74. GOSHOTT INDIANS HANGING AROUND

75. THE DRIVE FOR LIFE

76. GREELEY’S RIDE

77. BOTTLING AN ANECDOTE

78. TAIL-PIECE

79. CONTEMPLATION

80. THE WASHOE ZEPHYR

81. THE GOVERNOR’S HOUSE

82. DARK DISCLOSURES

83. THE IRISH BRIGADE

84. RECREATION

85. THE TARANTULA

86. LIGHT THROWN ON THE SUBJECT

87. I STEERED

88. THE INVALID

89. THE RESTORED

90. OUR HOUSE

91. AT BUSINESS

92. FIGHT AT LAKE TAHOE

93. "THINK HIM AN AMERICAN HORSE"

94. UNEXPECTED ELEVATION

95. UNIVERSALLY UNSETTLED

96. RIDING THE PLUG

97. WANTED EXERCISE

98. BORROWING MADE EASY

99. FREE RIDES

100. SATISFACTORY VOUCHERS

101. NEEDS PRAYING FOR

102. MAP OF TOLL ROADS

103. UNLOADING SILVER BRICKS

104. VIEW IN HUMBOLDT MOUNTAINS

105. GOING TO HUMBOLDT

106. BALLOU’S BEDFELLOW

107. PLEASURES OF CAMPING OUT

108. THE SECRET SEARCH

109. "CAST YOUR EYE ON THAT ...

110. "WE’VE GOT IT"

111. INCIPIENT MILLIONAIRES

112. ROCKS-TAIL-PIECE

113. "DO YOU SEE IT?"

114. FAREWELL SWEET RIVER

115. THE RESCUE

116. "MR. ARKANSAS ...

117. AN ARMED ALLY

118. CROSSING THE FLOOD

119. ADVANCE IN A CIRCLE

120, THE SONGSTER

121. THE FOXES HAVE HOLES-TAIL-PIECE

122. A FLAT FAILURE

123. THE LAST MATCH

124. DISCARDED VICES

125. FLAMES-TAIL-PIECE

127. IT WAS THUS WE MET

128. TAKING POSSESSION

129. A GREAT EFFORT

130. REARRANGING AND SHIFTING

131. WE LEFT LAMENTED

132. PICTURE OF TOWNSEND’S TUNNEL

133. QUARTZ MILL

134. ANOTHER PROCESS OF AMALGAMATION

135. FIRST QUARTZ MILL IN NEVADA

136. A SLICE OF RICH ORE

137. THE SAVED BROTHER

138. ON A SECRET EXPEDITION

139. LAKE MONO

140. RATHER SOAPY

141. A BARK UNDER FULL SAIL

142. A MODEL BOARDING HOUSE

143. LIFE AMID DEATH

144. A JUMP FOR LIFE

145. "STOVE HEAP GONE"

146. INTERVIEWING THE “WIDE WEST"

147. WORTH A MILLION

148. MILLIONAIRES LAYING PLANS

149. DANGEROUSLY SICK

150. WORTH NOTHING

151. THE COMPROMISE

152. ONE OF MY FAILURES

153. TARGET SHOOTING

154. AS CITY EDITOR

155. THE ENTIRE MARKET

156. A FRIEND INDEED

157. UNION-TAIL-PIECE

158. AN EDUCATIONAL REPORT

159. NO PARTICULAR HURRY

160. VIEW OF VIRGINIA CITY AND MT. DAVIDSON

161. A NEW MINE

162. TRY A FEW

163. PORTRAIT OF MR. STEWART

164. SELLING A MINE

165. COULDN’T WAIT

166. THE GREAT “FLOUR SACS” PROCESSION

167. TAIL-PIECE

168. A NABOB

169. MAGNIFICENCE AND MISERY

170. A FRIENDLY DRIVER

171. ASTONISHES THE NATIVES

172. COL. JACK WEAKENS

173. SCOTTY BRIGGS AND THE MINISTER

174. REGULATING MATTERS

175. DIDN’T SHOOK HIS MOTHER

176. SCOTTY AS S. S. TEACHER

177. THE MAN WHO HAD KILLED HIS DOZEN

178. THE UNPREJUDICED JURY

179. A DESPERADO GIVING REFERENCE

180. SATISFYING A FOE

181. TAIL-PIECE

182. GIVING INFORMATION

183. A WALKING BATTERY

184. OVERHAULING HIS MANIFEST

185. SHIP-TAIL-PIECE

186. THE HEROES AND HEROINES OF THE STORY

187. DISSOLUTE AUTHOR

188. THERE SAT THE LAWYER

189. JONAH OUTDONE

190. DOLLINGER

191. LOW BRIDGE

192. SHORTENING SAIL

193. LIGHTENING SHIP

194. THE MARVELLOUS RESCUE

195. SILVER BRICKS

196. TIMBER SUPPORTS

197. FROM GALLERY TO GALLERY

198. JIM BLAINE

199. HURRAH FOR NIXON

200. MISS WAGNER

201. WAITING FOR A CUSTOMER

202. WAS TO BE THERE

209. THE MONUMENT

205. WHERE IS THE RAM-TAIL-PIECE

205. CHINESE WASH BILL

206. IMITATION

207. CHINESE LOTTERY

208. CHINESE MERCHANT AT HOME

209. AN OLD FRIEND

210. FAREWELL AND ACCIDENT

211. "GIMME A CIGAR"

212. THE HERALD OF GLAD NEWS

213. FLAG-TAIL-PIECE

214. A NEW ENGLAND SCENE

215. A VARIABLE CLIMATE

216. SACRAMENTO AND THREE NODES AWAY

217. "FETCH HER OUT ...

218. "WELL IF IT AINT A CHILD ...

219. A GENUINE LIVE WOMAN

220. THE GRACE OF A KANGAROO

221. DREAMS DISSIPATED

222. THE “ONE HORSE SHAY” OUTDONE

223. HARD ON THE INNOCENTS

224. DRY BONES SHAKEN

225. "OH! WHAT, SHALL I DO!...

226. "GET OUT YOUR TOWEL MY DEAR"

227. "WE WILL OMIT THE BENEDICTION...

228. SLINKING

229. A PRIZE

230. A LOOK IN AT THE WINDOW

231. "DO IT STRANGER"

232. THE OLD COLLEGIATE

233. STRIKING A POCKET

234. TOM QUARTZ

235. AN ADVANTAGE TAKEN

236. AFTER AN EXCURSION

237. THE THREE CAPTAINS

238. THE OLD ADMIRAL

239. THE DESERTED FIELD

240. WILLIAMS

241. SCENE ON THE SANDWICH ISLANDS

242. FASHIONABLE ATTIRE

243. A BITE

244. RECONNOITERING

246. LOOKING FOR MISCHIEF

247. A FAMILY LIKENESS

248. SIT DOWN To LISTEN

249. "MY BROTHER, WE TWINS"

250. EXTRAORDINARY CAPERS

251. A LOAD OF HAY

252. MARCHING THROUGH GEORGIA

253. SANDWICH ISLAND GIRLS

254. ORIGINAL HAM SANDWICH

255. "I KISSED HIM FOR HIS MOTHER"

256. AN OUTSIDER

257. AN ENEMY’S PRAYER

258. VISITING THE MISSIONARIES

259. FULL CHURCH DRESS

260. PLAYING EMPIRE

261. ROYALTY AND ITS SATELLITES

262. A HIGH PRIVATE

263. A MODERN FUNERAL

264. FORMER FUNERAL ORGIES

265. A PASSENGER

266. MOONLIGHT ON THE WATER

267. GOING INTO THE MOUNTAINS

268. EVENING

289. THE DEMENTED

270. DISCUSSING TURNIPS

271. GREELEY’S LETTER

272. KEALAKEKUA BAY AND COOK’S MONUMENT

273. THE GHOSTLY BUILDERS

274. ON GUARD

275. BREAKING THE TABU

276. SURF BATHING

277. SURF BATHING A FAILURE

278. CITY OF REFUGE

279. THE QUEEN’S ROCK

280. TAIL-PIECE

281. THE PILLAR OF FIRE

282. THE CRATER

283. BROKE THROUGH

284. FIRE FOUNTAINS

285. LAVA STREAM

286. A TIDAL WAVE

287. TRIP ON THE MILKY WAY

288. A VIEW IN THE TAO VALLEY

289. MAGNIFICENT SPORT

290. ELEVEN MILES TO SEE

291. CHASED BY A STORM

292. LEAVING WORK

293. TAIL-PIECE

294. OUR AMUSEMENTS

295. SEVERE CASE OF STAGE FRIGHT

296. MY THREE PARQUETTE ALLIES

297. SAWYER IN THE CIRCLE

298. A PREDICAMENT

299. THE BEST OF THE JOKE

300. THE END

THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER

CONTENTS

I.

The birth of the Prince and the Pauper.

II.

Tom’s early life.

III.

Tom’s meeting with the Prince.

IV.

The Prince’s troubles begin.

V.

Tom as a patrician.

VI.

Tom receives instructions.

VII.

Tom’s first royal dinner.

VIII.

The question of the Seal.

IX.

The river pageant.

X.

The Prince in the toils.

XI.

At Guildhall.

XII.

The Prince and his deliverer.

XIII.

The disappearance of the Prince.

XIV.

‘Le Roi est mort’—vive le Roi.‘

XV.

Tom as King.

XVI.

The state dinner.

XVII.

Foo-foo the First.

XVIII.

The Prince with the tramps.

XIX.

The Prince with the peasants.

XX.

The Prince and the hermit.

XXI.

Hendon to the rescue.

XXII.

A victim of treachery.

XXIII.

The Prince a prisoner.

XXIV.

The escape.

XXV.

Hendon Hall.

XXVI.

Disowned.

XXVII.

In prison.

XXVIII.

The sacrifice.

XXIX.

To London.

XXX.

Tom’s progress.

XXXI.

The Recognition procession.

XXXII.

Coronation Day.

XXXIII.

Edward as King.

CONCLUSION.

Justice and Retribution.

Notes.

ILLUSTRATIONS

THE GREAT SEAL (frontispiece)

THE BIRTH OF THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER

"SPLENDID PAGEANTS AND GREAT BONFIRES"

TOM’S EARLY LIFE

OFFAL COURT

"WITH ANY MISERABLE CRUST"

"HE OFTEN READ THE PRIEST’S BOOKS"

"SAW POOR ANNE ASKEW BURNED"

"BROUGHT THEIR PERPLEXITIES TO TOM"

"LONGING FOR THE PORK-PIES”

TOM’S MEETING WITH THE PRINCE

"AT TEMPLE BAR"

"LET HIM IN"

"HOW OLD BE THESE

"DOFF THY RAGS, AND DON THESE SPLENDORS"

"I SALUTE YOUR GRACIOUS HIGHNESS!”

THE PRINCE’S TROUBLES BEGIN

"SET UPON BY DOGS"

"A DRUNKEN RUFFIAN COLLARED HIM"

TOM AS A PATRICIAN

"NEXT HE DREW THE SWORD"

"RESOLVED TO FLY"

"THE BOY WAS ON HIS KNEES"

"NOBLES WALKED UPON EACH SIDE OF HIM"

"HE DROPPED UPON HIS KNEES"

"HE TURNED WITH JOYFUL FACE"

"THE PHYSICIAN BOWED LOW"

"THE KING FELL BACK UPON HIS COUCH"

"IS THIS MAN TO LIVE FOREVER?"

TOM RECEIVES INSTRUCTIONS

"PRITHEE, INSIST NOT"

"THE LORD ST. JOHN MADE REVERENCE"

HERTFORD AND THE PRINCESSES

"SHE MADE REVERENCE"

"OFFERED IT TO HIM ON A GOLDEN SALVER"

"THEY MUSED A WHILE"

"PEACE MY LORD, THOU UTTEREST TREASON!”

"HE BEGAN TO PACE THE FLOOR"

TOM’S FIRST ROYAL DINNER

"FASTENED A NAPKIN ABOUT HIS NECK"

"TOM ATE WITH HIS FINGERS"

"HE GRAVELY TOOK A DRAUGHT"

"TOM PUT ON THE GREAVES"

THE QUESTION OF THE SEAL

"EASED HIM BACK UPON HIS PILLOWS"

THE RIVER PAGEANT

"HALBERDIERS APPEARED IN THE GATEWAY"

"TOM CANTY STEPPED INTO VIEW"

THE PRINCE IN THE TOILS

"A DIM FORM SANK TO THE GROUND"

"WHO ART THOU?"

"INTO GOOD WIFE CANTY’S ARMS"

"BENT HEEDFULLY AND WARILY OVER HIM"

"THE PRINCE SPRANG UP"

"HURRIED HIM ALONG THE DARK WAY"

"HE WASTE NO TIME"

AT GUILDHALL

"A RICH CANOPY OF STATE"

"BEGAN TO LAY ABOUT HIM"

"LONG LIVE THE KING!”

THE PRINCE AND HIS DELIVERER

"OUR FRIENDS THREADED THEIR WAY"

"OBJECT LESSONS” IN ENGLISH HISTORY

"JOHN CANTY MOVED OFF"

"SMOOTHING BACK THE TANGLED CURLS"

"PRITHEE, POUR THE WATER"

"GO ON—TELL ME THY STORY

"THOU HAST BEEN SHAMEFULLY ABUSED"

"HE DROPPED ON ONE KNEE"

"RISE, SIR MILES HENDON, BARONET"

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE PRINCE

"HE DROPPED ASLEEP"

"THESE BE VERY GOOD AND SOUND"

"EXPLAIN, THOU LIMB OF SATAN"

"HENDON FOLLOWED AFTER HIM"

"LE ROI EST MORT-VIVE LE ROI"

"WILT DEIGN TO DELIVER THY COMMANDS?"

"LORD OF THE BEDCHAMBER"

"A SECRETARY OF STATE"

"STOOD AT GRACEFUL EASE"

”’TIS I THAT TAKE THEM"

"BUT TAX YOUR MEMORY"

TOM AS KING

"TOM HAD WANDERED TO A WINDOW"

"TOM SCANNED THE PRISONERS"

"LET THE PRISONER GO FREE!”

"WHAT IS IT THAT THESE HAVE DONE?"

"NODDED THEIR RECOGNITION"

THE STATE DINNER

"A GENTLEMAN BEARING A ROD"

"THE CHANCELLOR BETWEEN TWO"

"I THANK YOU MY GOOD PEOPLE"

"IN THE MIDST OF HIS PAGEANT"

FOO-FOO THE FIRST

"RUFFIAN FOLLOWED THEIR STEPS"

"HE SEIZED A BILLET OF WOOD"

"HE WAS SOON ABSORBED IN THINKING"

"A GRIM AND UNSIGHTLY PICTURE"

"THEY ROARED OUT A ROLLICKING DITTY"

"WHILST THE FLAMES LICKED UPWARDS"

"THEY WERE WHIPPED AT THE CART’S TAIL"

"THOU SHALT NOT"

"KNOCKING HOBBS DOWN"

"THRONE HIM"

THE PRINCE WITH THE TRAMPS

"TROOP OF VAGABONDS SET FORWARD"

"THEY THREW BONES AND VEGETABLES

"WRITHE AND WALLOW IN THE DIRT"

"KING FLED IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION"

"HE STUMBLED ALONG"

"WHAT SEEMED TO BE A WARM ROPE"

"CUDDLED UP TO THE CALF"

THE PRINCE WITH THE PEASANTS

"TOOK A GOOD SATISFYING STARE"

"MOTHER RECEIVED THE KING KINDLY"

"BROUGHT THE KING OUT OF HIS DREAMS"

"GAVE HIM A BUTCHER KNIFE TO GRIND"

THE PRINCE AND THE HERMIT

"HE TURNED AND DESCRIED TWO FIGURES"

"THE KING ENTERED AND PAUSED"

"I WILL TELL YOU A SECRET"

"CHATTING PLEASANTLY ALL THE TIME"

"DREW HIS THUMB ALONG THE EDGE"

"THE NEXT MOMENT THEY WERE BOUND"

HENDON TO THE RESCUE

"SUNK UPON HIS KNEES"

"GOD MADE EVERY CREATURE BUT YOU!”

"THE FETTERED LITTLE KING"

A VICTIM OF TREACHERY

"HUGO STOOD NO CHANCE"

"BOUND THE POULTICE TIGHT AND FAST"

"TARRY HERE TILL I COME AGAIN

"KING SPRANG TO HIS DELIVERER’S SIDE"

THE PRINCE A PRISONER

"GENTLY, GOOD FRIEND"

"SHE SPRANG TO HER FEET"

THE ESCAPE

"THE PIG MAY COST THY NECK, MAN"

"BEAR ME UP, BEAR ME UP, SWEET SIR!”

HENDON HALL

"JOGGING EASTWARD ON SORRY STEEDS"

"THERE IS THE VILLAGE, MY PRINCE!”

”’EMBRACE ME, HUGH,’ HE CRIED"

"HUGH PUT UP HIS HAND IN DISSENT"

"A BEAUTIFUL LADY, RICHLY CLOTHED"

"HUGH WAS PINNED TO THE WALL"

DISOWNED

"OBEY, AND HAVE NO FEAR"

"AM I MILES HENDON?"

IN PRISON

"CHAINED IN A LARGE ROOM"

"THE OLD MAN LOOKED HENDON OVER"

"INFORMATION DELIVERED IN A LOW VOICE"

"THE KING!” HE CRIED. “WHAT KING?"

"TWO WOMEN CHAINED TO POSTS"

"TORN AWAY BY THE OFFICERS"

"THE KING WAS FURIOUS"

THE SACRIFICE

"HE CONFRONTED THE OFFICER IN CHARGE"

"WHILE THE LASH WAS APPLIED"

"SIR HUGH SPURRED AWAY"

TO LONDON

"MOUNTED AND RODE OFF WITH THE KING"

"MIDST OF A JAM OF HOWLING PEOPLE"

TOM’S PROGRESS

"TO KISS HIS HAND AT PARTING"

"COMMANDED HER TO GO TO HER CLOSET"

THE RECOGNITION PROCESSION

THE START FOR THE TOWER

"WELCOME, O KING!”

"A LARGESS! A LARGESS!”

"SHE WAS AT HIS SIDE"

"IT IS AN ILL TIME FOR DREAMING"

"SHE WAS MY MOTHER"

CORONATION DAY

"GATHERS UP THE LADY’S LONG TRAIN"

"TOM CANTY APPEARED"

"AND FELL ON HIS KNEES BEFORE HIM"

"THE GREAT SEAL—FETCH IT HITHER"

"SIRE, THE SEAL IS NOT THERE"

"BETHINK THEE, MY KING"

"LONG LIVE THE TRUE KING!”

"TO CRACK NUTS WITH"

EDWARD AS KING

"HE STRETCHED HIMSELF ON THE GROUND"

"ARRESTED AS A SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER"

"IT IS HIS RIGHT"

"STRIP THIS ROBBER"

"TOM ROSE AND KISSED THE KING’S HAND"

JUSTICE AND RETRIBUTION

NOTES

A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR'S COURT

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I.

CAMELOT

CHAPTER II.

KING ARTHUR’S COURT

CHAPTER III.

KNIGHTS OF THE TABLE ROUND

CHAPTER IV.

SIR DINADAN THE HUMORIST

CHAPTER V.

AN INSPIRATION

CHAPTER VI.

THE ECLIPSE

CHAPTER VII.

MERLIN’S TOWER

CHAPTER VIII.

THE BOSS

CHAPTER IX.

THE TOURNAMENT

CHAPTER X.

BEGINNINGS OF CIVILIZATION

CHAPTER XI.

THE YANKEE IN SEARCH OF ADVENTURES

CHAPTER XII.

SLOW TORTURE

CHAPTER XIII.

FREEMEN!

CHAPTER XIV.

“DEFEND THEE, LORD!

CHAPTER XV.

SANDY’S TALE

CHAPTER XVI.

MORGAN LE FAY

CHAPTER XVII.

A ROYAL BANQUET

CHAPTER XVIII.

IN THE QUEEN’S DUNGEONS

CHAPTER XIX.

KNIGHT ERRANTRY AS A TRADE

CHAPTER XX.

THE OGRE’S CASTLE

CHAPTER XXI.

THE PILGRIMS

CHAPTER XXII.

THE HOLY FOUNTAIN

CHAPTER XXIII.

RESTORATION OF THE FOUNTAIN

CHAPTER XXIV.

A RIVAL MAGICIAN

CHAPTER XXV.

A COMPETITIVE EXAMINATION

CHAPTER XXVI.

THE FIRST NEWSPAPER

CHAPTER XXVII.

THE YANKEE AND THE KING TRAVEL INCOGNITO

CHAPTER XXVIII.

DRILLING THE KING

CHAPTER XXIX.

THE SMALL-POX HUT

CHAPTER XXX.

THE TRAGEDY OF THE MANOR-HOUSE

CHAPTER XXXI.

MARCO

CHAPTER XXXII.

DOWLEY’S HUMILIATION

CHAPTER XXXIII.

SIXTH CENTURY POLITICAL ECONOMY

CHAPTER XXXIV.

THE YANKEE AND THE KING SOLD AS SLAVES

CHAPTER XXXV.

A PITIFUL INCIDENT

CHAPTER XXXVI.

AN ENCOUNTER IN THE DARK

CHAPTER XXXVII.

AN AWFUL PREDICAMENT

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

SIR LAUNCELOT AND KNIGHTS TO THE RESCUE

CHAPTER XXXIX.

THE YANKEE’S FIGHT WITH THE KNIGHTS

CHAPTER XL.

THREE YEARS LATER

CHAPTER XLI.

THE INTERDICT

CHAPTER XLII.

WAR!

CHAPTER XLIII.

THE BATTLE OF THE SAND-BELT

CHAPTER XLIV.

A POSTSCRIPT BY CLARENCE

LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I.

The Mississippi is Well worth Reading about.—It is Remarkable.—

Instead of Widening towards its Mouth, it grows Narrower.—It Empties

four hundred and six million Tons of Mud.—It was First Seen in 1542.

—It is Older than some Pages in European History.—De Soto has

the Pull.—Older than the Atlantic Coast.—Some Half-breeds chip

in.—La Salle Thinks he will Take a Hand.

CHAPTER II.

La Salle again Appears, and so does a Cat-fish.—Buffaloes also.

—Some Indian Paintings are Seen on the Rocks.—“The Father of

Waters “does not Flow into the Pacific.—More History and Indians.

—Some Curious Performances—not Early English.—Natchez, or

the Site of it, is Approached.

CHAPTER III.

A little History.—Early Commerce.—Coal Fleets and Timber Rafts.

—We start on a Voyage.—I seek Information.—Some Music.—The

Trouble begins.—Tall Talk.—The Child of Calamity.—Ground

and lofty Tumbling.—The Wash-up.—Business and Statistics.—

Mysterious Band.—Thunder and Lightning.—The Captain speaks.

—Allbright weeps.—The Mystery settled.—Chaff.—I am Discovered.

—Some Art-work proposed.—I give an Account of Myself.—Released.

CHAPTER IV.

The Boys' Ambition.—Village Scenes.—Steamboat Pictures.

—A Heavy Swell.—A Runaway.

CHAPTER V.

A Traveller.—A Lively Talker.—A Wild-cat Victim

CHAPTER VI.

Besieging the Pilot.—Taken along.—Spoiling a Nap.—Fishing for a

Plantation.—“Points” on the River.—A Gorgeous Pilot-house.

CHAPTER VII.

River Inspectors.—Cottonwoods and Plum Point.—Hat-Island Crossing.

—Touch and Go.—It is a Go.—A Lightning Pilot

CHAPTER VIII.

A Heavy-loaded Big Gun.—Sharp Sights in Darkness.—Abandoned to

his Fate.—Scraping the Banks.—Learn him or Kill him.

CHAPTER IX.

Shake the Reef.—Reason Dethroned.—The Face of the Water.

—A Bewitching Scene.-Romance and Beauty.

CHAPTER X.

Putting on Airs.—Taken down a bit.—Learn it as it is.—The River

Rising.

CHAPTER XI.

In thg Tract Business.—Effects of the Rise.—Plantations gone.

—A Measureless Sea.—A Somnambulist Pilot.—Supernatural Piloting.

—Nobody there.—All Saved.

CHAPTER XII.

Low Water.—Yawl sounding.—Buoys and Lanterns.—Cubs and

Soundings.—The Boat Sunk.—Seeking the Wrecked.

CHAPTER XIII.

A Pilot's Memory.—Wages soaring.—A Universal Grasp.—Skill and

Nerve.—Testing a “Cub.”—“Back her for Life.”—A Good Lesson.

CHAPTER XIV.

Pilots and Captains.—High-priced Pilots.—Pilots in Demand.

—A Whistler.—A cheap Trade.—Two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar Speed.

CHAPTER XV.

New Pilots undermining the Pilots' Association.—Crutches and Wages.

—Putting on Airs.—The Captains Weaken.—The Association Laughs.

—The Secret Sign.—An Admirable System.—Rough on Outsiders.

—A Tight Monopoly.—No Loophole.—The Railroads and the War.

CHAPTER XVI.

All Aboard.—A Glorious Start.—Loaded to Win.—Bands and Bugles.

—Boats and Boats.—Racers and Racing.

CHAPTER XVII.

Cut-offs.—Ditching and Shooting.—Mississippi Changes.—A Wild

Night.—Swearing and Guessing.—Stephen in Debt.—He Confuses

his Creditors.—He makes a New Deal.—Will Pay them Alphabetically.

CHAPTER XVIII.

Sharp Schooling.—Shadows.—I am Inspected.—Where did you get

them Shoes?—Pull her Down.—I want to kill Brown.—I try to run

her.- I am Complimented.

CHAPTER XIX.

A Question of Veracity.—A Little Unpleasantness.—I have an

Audience with the Captain.—Mr. Brown Retires.

CHAPTER XX.

I become a Passenger.—We hear the News.—A Thunderous Crash.

—They Stand to their Posts.—In the Blazing Sun.—A Grewsome

Spectacle.—His Hour has Struck.

CHAPTER XXI.

I get my License.—The War Begins.—I become a Jack-of-all-trades.

CHAPTER XXII.

I try the Alias Business.—Region of Goatees—Boots begin to Appear.

—The River Man is Missing.—The Young Man is Discouraged.—

Specimen Water.—A Fine Quality of Smoke.—A Supreme Mistake.

—We Inspect the Town.—Desolation Way-traffic.—A Wood-yard.

CHAPTER XXIII.

Old French Settlements.—We start for Memphis.—Young Ladies and

Russia-leather Bags.

CHAPTER XXIV.

I receive some Information.—Alligator Boats.—Alligator Talk.

—She was a Rattler to go.—I am Found Out.

CHAPTER XXV.

The Devil's Oven and Table.—A Bombshell falls.—No Whitewash.

—Thirty Years on the River.-Mississippi Uniforms.—Accidents and

Casualties.—Two hundred Wrecks.—A Loss to Literature.—Sunday-

Schools and Brick Masons.

CHAPTER XXVI.

War Talk.—I Tilt over Backwards.—Fifteen Shot-holes.—A Plain

Story.—Wars and Feuds.—Darnell versus Watson.—A Gang and

a Woodpile.—Western Grammar.—River Changes.—New Madrid.

—Floods and Falls.

CHAPTER XXVII.

Tourists and their Note-books.—Captain Hall.—Mrs. Trollope's

Emotions.—Hon. Charles Augustus Murray's Sentiment.—Captain

Marryat's Sensations.—Alexander Mackay's Feelings.

—Mr. Parkman Reports

CHAPTER XXVIII.

Swinging down the River.—Named for Me.—Plum Point again.

—Lights and Snag Boats.—Infinite Changes.—A Lawless River.

—Changes and Jetties.—Uncle Mumford Testifies.—Pegging the

River.—What the Government does.—The Commission.—Men and

Theories.—“Had them Bad.”—Jews and Prices.

CHAPTER XXIX.

Murel's Gang.—A Consummate Villain.—Getting Rid of Witnesses.

—Stewart turns Traitor.—I Start a Rebellion.—I get a New Suit

of Clothes.—We Cover our Tracks.—Pluck and Capacity.—A Good

Samaritan City.—The Old and the New.

CHAPTER XXX.

A Melancholy Picture.—On the Move.—River Gossip.—She Went By

a-Sparklin'.—Amenities of Life.—A World of Misinformation.—

Eloquence of Silence.—Striking a Snag.—Photographically Exact.

—Plank Side-walks.

CHAPTER XXXI.

Mutinous Language.—The Dead-house.—Cast-iron German and Flexible

English.—A Dying Man's Confession.—I am Bound and Gagged.

—I get Myself Free.—I Begin my Search.—The Man with one Thumb.

—Red Paint and White Paper.—He Dropped on his Knees.—Fright

and Gratitude.—I Fled through the Woods.—A Grisly Spectacle.

—Shout, Man, Shout.—A look of Surprise and Triumph.—The Muffled

Gurgle of a Mocking Laugh.—How strangely Things happen.

—The Hidden Money.

CHAPTER XXXII.

Ritter's Narrative.—A Question of Money.—Napoleon.—Somebody

is Serious.—Where the Prettiest Girl used to Live.

CHAPTER XXXIII.

A Question of Division.—A Place where there was no License.—The

Calhoun Land Company.—A Cotton-planter's Estimate.—Halifax

and Watermelons.—Jewelled-up Bar-keepers.

CHAPTER XXXIV.

An Austere Man.—A Mosquito Policy.—Facts dressed in Tights.

—A  swelled Left Ear.

CHAPTER XXXV.

Signs and Scars.—Cannon-thunder Rages.—Cave-dwellers.

—A Continual Sunday.—A ton of Iron and no Glass.—The Ardent

is Saved.—Mule Meat—A National Cemetery.—A Dog and a Shell.

—Railroads and Wealth.—Wharfage Economy.—Vicksburg versus The

“Gold Dust.”—A Narrative in Anticipation.

CHAPTER XXXVI.

The Professor Spins a Yarn.—An Enthusiast in Cattle.—He makes a

Proposition.—Loading Beeves at Acapulco.—He was n't Raised to it.

—He is Roped In.—His Dull Eyes Lit Up.—Four Aces, you Ass!

—He does n't Care for the Gores.

CHAPTER XXXVII.

A Terrible Disaster.—The “Gold Dust” explodes her Boilers.

—The End of a Good Man.

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

Mr. Dickens has a Word.—Best Dwellings and their Furniture.—Albums

and Music.—Pantelettes and Conch-shells.—Sugar-candy Rabbits

and Photographs.—Horse-hair Sofas and Snuffers.—Rag Carpets

and Bridal Chambers.

CHAPTER XXXIX.

Rowdies and Beauty.—Ice as Jewelry.—Ice Manufacture.—More

Statistics.—Some Drummers.—Oleomargarine versus Butter.

—Olive Oil versus Cotton Seed.—The Answer was not Caught.

—A Terrific Episode.—A Sulphurous Canopy.—The Demons of War.

—The Terrible Gauntlet.

CHAPTER XL.

In Flowers, like a Bride.—A White-washed Castle.—A Southern

Prospectus.—Pretty Pictures.—An Alligator's Meal.

CHAPTER XLI.

The Approaches to New Orleans.—A Stirring Street.—Sanitary

Improvements.—Journalistic Achievements.—Cisterns and Wells.

CHAPTER XLII.

Beautiful Grave-yards.—Chameleons and Panaceas.—Inhumation and

Infection.—Mortality and Epidemics.—The Cost of Funerals.

CHAPTER XLIII.

I meet an Acquaintance.—Coffins and Swell Houses.—Mrs. O'Flaherty

goes One Better.—Epidemics and Embamming.—Six hundred for a

Good Case.—Joyful High Spirits.

CHAPTER XLIV.

French and Spanish Parts of the City.—Mr. Cable and the Ancient

Quarter.—Cabbages and Bouquets.—Cows and Children.—The Shell

Road. The West End.—A Good Square Meal.—The Pompano.—The Broom-

Brigade.—Historical Painting.—Southern Speech.—Lagniappe.

CHAPTER XLV.

“Waw” Talk.—Cock-Fighting.—Too Much to Bear.—Fine Writing.

—Mule Racing.

CHAPTER XLVI.

Mardi-Gras.—The Mystic Crewe.—Rex and Relics.—Sir Walter Scott.

—A World Set Back.—Titles and Decorations.—A Change.

CHAPTER XLVII.

Uncle Remus.—The Children Disappointed.—We Read Aloud.

—Mr. Cable and Jean au Poquelin.—Involuntary Trespass.—The Gilded

Age.—An Impossible Combination.—The Owner Materializes and Protests.

CHAPTER XLVIII.

Tight Curls and Springy Steps.—Steam-plows.—“No. I.” Sugar.

—A Frankenstein Laugh.—Spiritual Postage.—A Place where there are

no Butchers or Plumbers.—Idiotic Spasms.

CHAPTER XLIX.

Pilot-Farmers.—Working on Shares.—Consequences.—Men who Stick

to their Posts.—He saw what he would do.—A Day after the Fair.

CHAPTER L.

A Patriarch.—Leaves from a Diary.—A Tongue-stopper.—The Ancient

Mariner.—Pilloried in Print.—Petrified Truth.

CHAPTER LI.

A Fresh “Cub” at the Wheel.—A Valley Storm.—Some Remarks on

Construction.—Sock and Buskin.—The Man who never played

Hamlet.—I got Thirsty.—Sunday Statistics.

CHAPTER LII.

I Collar an Idea.—A Graduate of Harvard.—A Penitent Thief.

—His Story in the Pulpit.—Something Symmetrical.—A Literary Artist.

—A Model Epistle.—Pumps again Working.—The “Nub” of the Note.

CHAPTER LIII.

A Masterly Retreat.—A Town at Rest.—Boyhood's Pranks.—Friends

of my Youth.—The Refuge for Imbeciles.—I am Presented with

my Measure.

CHAPTER LIV.

A Special Judgment.—Celestial Interest.—A Night of Agony.

—Another Bad Attack.—I become Convalescent.—I address a

Sunday-school.—A Model Boy.

CHAPTER LV.

A second Generation.—A hundred thousand Tons of Saddles.—A Dark

and Dreadful Secret.—A Large Family.—A Golden-haired Darling.

—The Mysterious Cross.—My Idol is Broken.—A Bad Season of

Chills and Fever.—An Interesting Cave.

CHAPTER LVI.

Perverted History—A Guilty Conscience.—A Supposititious Case.

—A Habit to be Cultivated.—I Drop my Burden.—Difference in Time.

CHAPTER LVII.

A Model Town.—A Town that Comes up to Blow in the Summer.

—The Scare-crow Dean.—Spouting Smoke and Flame.—An Atmosphere

that tastes good.—The Sunset Land.

CHAPTER LVIII.

An Independent Race.—Twenty-four-hour Towns.—Enchanting Scenery.

—The Home of the Plow.—Black Hawk.—Fluctuating Securities.

—A Contrast.—Electric Lights.

CHAPTER LIX.

Indian Traditions and Rattlesnakes.—A Three-ton Word.—Chimney

Rock.—The Panorama Man.—A Good Jump.—The Undying Head.

—Peboan and Seegwun.

CHAPTER LX.

The Head of Navigation.—From Roses to Snow.—Climatic Vaccination.

—A Long Ride.—Bones of Poverty.—The Pioneer of Civilization.

—Jug of Empire.—Siamese Twins.—The Sugar-bush.—He Wins his Bride.

—The Mystery about the Blanket.—A City that is always a Novelty.

—Home again.

APPENDIX.

A

B

C

D

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Table of Contents

THE WORKS OF MARK TWAIN

(1835-1910)

AN ON-LINE INDEX

Edited by David Widger

Project Gutenberg Editions

VOLUMES

Click on the ## before each title to go directly to a linked index of the detailed chapters and illustrations

FROM PG OF AUSTRALIA

Mark Twain's Autobiography is in the public domain in Australia, but not in the USA. Readers in the USA are asked NOT to open or download these files. They are available ON-LINE only.

TWAIN'S WORKS CONTRIBUTED TO PG BY DAVID PRICE

VOLUMES, CHAPTERS and ILLUSTRATIONS

Illustrated Editions

THE AMERICAN CLAIMANT

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.

A Dog's Tale

ILLUSTRATIONS

Chapter I. Chapter II. Chapter III.

Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson

Letters, Volume 1.

Volume 2.

Volume 3

Volume 4.

Volume 5.

Volume 6.

Mysterious Stranger

The Double Barrelled Detective

The Stolen White Elephant

Rambling Idle Excursion

Carnival of Crime in CT.

The Loves of Alonzo Fitz

Those Extraordinary Twins

A Burlesque Autobiography

Mysterious Stranger

Christian Science

Mark Twain's Speeches

1601

Curious Republic of Gondour

Goldsmith's Friend Abroad Again

Essays on Paul Bourget

How to Tell a Story

Fennimore Cooper Offences

Defence of Harriet Shelley

Hadleyberg Stories et al.

What Is Man? And Others

Tom Sawyer Abroad

Tom Sawyer, Detective

The $30,000 Bequest and Others

Recollections of Joan of Arc, I.

Recollections of Joan of Arc, II.

Autobiography, Vol. I.

Autobiography, Vol. II.

THE INNOCENTS ABROAD

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

CONTENTS

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

A TRAMP ABROAD

Illustrations taken from an 1880 First Edition

ILLUSTRATIONS:

CONTENTS

A GILDED AGE

CONTENTS

ILLUSTRATIONS

FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR

CONTENTS

SKETCHES NEW AND OLD

CONTENTS:

HUCKLEBERRY FINN

CONTENTS.

ILLUSTRATIONS.

THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER

CONTENTS

ILLUSTRATIONS

ROUGHING IT

CONTENTS.

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER

CONTENTS

ILLUSTRATIONS

A CONNECTICUT YANKEE IN KING ARTHUR'S COURT

CONTENTS

LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI

CONTENTS

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE