A Pata no Choco
Date: 2010-03-09T00:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Portuguese literature -- 19th century; Dialogues

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Title: A Pata no Choco

Author: Anonymous

Release date: March 9, 2010 [eBook #31575]

Language: Portuguese

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Credits: Produced by Pedro Saborano (produced from scanned images
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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PATA NO CHOCO ***

A PATA

NO

CHOCO.

SEGUNDA EDIÇAÕ.

PORTO, 1827:

Na typ. de Viuva Alvarez Ribeiro & Filhos.

—Com licença.—

Vende-se por 50 reis na mesma Imprensa, e na loja da Fama ás Hortas.

{3}

Duas Comadres muito amigas, Maria Pires e Tereza Fernandes, que por nome naõ percaõ, topando-se hum dia no solheiro, travaraõ ateada palestra ácerca de huma Pata no chôco; assumpto este que, parecendo esteril de sua natureza, ellas souberaõ enriquecêllo com toda a loquéla de tagarelas perfeitas. Por tal motivo, e tambem por mostrar aos curiosos leitores as superstições e ridicularias em que se occupaõ mulheres, aqui vai huma copia fiel daquella pratica extravagante.

Maria Pires.—Eu, Sr.ª Comadre, ando taõ consumida por causa da minha Pata, taõ affligida estou, que naõ lhe digo nada!....

Tereza Fernandes.—Pois que lhe assuccedeo com a sua bixinha, que taõ boa criadeira era?

Pires.—Que me havia de assucceder! cousas dos meus peccados, dos meus grandes peccados, que, sendo sem conta, como na verdade saõ, naõ podem deixar de me acarretar mofinas a montes!

Fernandes.—Aposto eu que a rapoza lhe apanhou a sua joia, ou alguma zabaneira nossa visinha, que será o mais certo, visto naõ haver já temor da justiça de Deos, nem da d'El-Rei; cada hum abafa o que póde, e quem mais abafa melhor lhe vai: como tirem boas provas da surripiadela certos lambões de lingoa grande, logo he tal a mingoa de provas, que naõ ha huma para huma mézinha; ficando o ladraõ rico, e abençoado como o nosso Pai Abrahaõ; e quatro figas para os que foraõ tosquiados ou esfolados, quando Deos quer. Porém descance, minha Comadre, eu lhe responso a Pata; e tenha muita fé em que ella ha de apparecer, se naõ tiver cahido em maõs apegadiças, pois ahi pouco poder tem as minhas rezas; nem ellas me trazem sardinha que o gato leva: mas entaõ iremos fallar com aquelle corpo aberto, que tudo sabe e tudo adivinha, para ao menos sabermos de quem nos havemos de queixar, e naõ andarmos ás cegas botando juizos temerarios.

Pires.—Naõ vai por ahi o gato ás filhozes: antes isso fôra; pois se quer estariamos desempeçadas d'outras penas, ainda maiores. Naõ, Snr.ª minha, a Pata naõ foi furtada; está, sim, no{4} chôco ha hum mar de dias, sem acabar de tirar os ovos, encarriçada por hum tal feitio, que naõ bebe nem come cousa que Deos crie; em fim parece Moura encantada: tantas saõ as negras das minhas culpas! Ora, tomando eu isto por caso agourento, ando estarrecidinha de todo; porque, segundo a madorna da Pata e sua longa choquice, arreceio, com muita razaõ, que ella esteja tirando algum Bicho de Chaves, que nos ponha de máos pezares, e a todos nos pape vivas e inteiras!

Fernandes.—Appello eu para Deos! Sino salomaõ nos acuda! Pois ha de essa excommungada ave gerar similhante bicho! Só se fôr o diabo em figura de Pata! Sume-te, porco; vai-te para as areias gordas, naõ atormentes a christandade com os teus desaguizados e malfeitorias! Quanto a mim, Snr.ª Comadre, esses seus temores saõ puras vanidades; mas, pelo sim pelo naõ, seria bom desfazer-se da excommungada e mais dos seus ovos, sem amor algum a taes embelecos; deixallos ir com a trupia; arrenego da tigelinha d'ouro em que hei de cuspir o sangue.

Pires.—Tem-me vindo a repiques de fazer o que Vossa Mercê diz; mas quem sabe se bulir-lhe será peor, e se já debaixo dessa malfadada Pata estará o bicho sahido, o qual, mexendo-lhe eu, me trafegue logo para as suas entranhas danadas, sem me deixar dizer esta boca he minha; pois tal será elle, que já ao romper da casca faça destas trepolías! Na verdade lhe digo que trago o meu coraçaõ negro como a noite escura: tal o tenha quem me quizer mal! E tudo isto, aqui para nós, vem-me de hum sonho de má estreia, que, se fôr verdadeiro, qual por nossos peccados será, temos ahi a fim do mundo!

Fernandes.—E que sonho foi esse taõ desestrado?

Pires.—Ai! naõ he bom assoalhar similhantes cousas! nada queira saber, naõ aperte comigo, por vida sua lho peço, pois temo conte a outrem o que eu lhe disser, ou de alguma falla mal considerada, por onde tudo se venha a descubrir. Olhe, Snr.ª Comadre, por hum cravo se perde huma ferradura, por huma ferradura hum cavallo, por hum cavallo hum cavalleiro, por hum cavalleiro huma praça, e por huma praça hum reino; isto lhe digo eu para ficar entendendo que o descuido de huma palavra póde pôr o meu sonho nas bocas do mundo, e alevantarem-se daqui muitas carrapatas, de que o Senhor me defenda!

Fernandes.—Nisso diria Vossa Mercê bem se eu fosse de geraçaõ chocalheira; mas cá naõ ha desses achaques, embora o digamos: e ainda que lá dizem, da má mulher te guarda, e da boa naõ fieis nada, mulher eu sou capaz de ter maõ nas agoas, como as pintadas em parede. Com que, minha amiga, desabafe comigo com todo o desafogo, que eu lhe prometto, á fé de christã, a ninguem abrir boca; só se fôr á nossa amiga Cascalha, por ser{5} cá do peito: quem me quer bem, diz-me do que sabe e dá-me do que tem. Mas essa mesma, com ser hum poço de segredos, como nós sabemos, ha de jurar guardar este em verbo Saçardotes; senaõ nada feito.

Pires.—Sendo assim, naõ terei duvida em lhe contar o caso; porém veja primeiro o que me promette: antes que cazes, olha o que fazes.

Fernandes.—Póde fallar, está dito; faça de conta que está aos pés do seu Padre Confessor.

Pires.—Pois, Snr.ª minha, sonhei eu que essa amaldiçoada Pata já tinha tirado os ovos, e que de hum delles sahira huma serpentarrona, cousa espantosa! ou naõ sei que maldita casta de monstro, pois se compunha de partes taõ estranhas entre si e desconcertadas, que fazia dar volta ao miolo; até ali havia unhas de leaõ e esporões de galo! Entaõ aquillo, fosse o que fosse, tinha tres a quatro cabeças, ou cinco seriaõ ellas, valha a verdade, que eu com o meu susto poder-me-hia enganar na conta: o certo he que huma das taes se cobria com huma grande casca, bem similhante no feitio a huma cousa que eu já tenho visto, mas poucas vezes, por isso naõ posso dizer o que he; posso, sim, affirmar ser cousa de monta: o Senhor bem me entende.... Todas as outras cabeças eraõ de catadura terrivel; porem a daquella faria erguer os cabellos a hum calvo, atirando-lhe com a peruca até essas estrellas; e bem se via que era nella aonde o monstraõ diabolico tinha o maior poder da sua peçonha. Esquecia-me dizer que este demonio, sumido seja elle, disfarçava as desformidades do serro medonho com huma capa lustroza, assim a modo de tartaruga, ou de outra concha de além mar, mas nem tudo que luz he ouro! Ora dos outros ovos sahiraõ varias salamandras nojentas e lagartos feios, todos taõ arrastados como o credito de Judas traidor. E ha de Vossa Mercê cuidar que haveria bulha entre a bicharada e o bicho grande? Pois naõ Snr.ª; todos elles estavaõ muito de mano a mano: taõ bom he o diabo como sua mãi.

Fernandes.—Eu estou a tremer com similhantes bicharocos! A benta hora seja comnosco! Isso naõ deve de ser cousa de Pata!

Pires.—Sim, Snr.ª, he o que lhe digo; foi a mesma Pata que os pôz a todos, taõ real e verdadeiramente como andar eu tolhidinha, azangada, levada das más horas; e mais defumo-me a miudo com alecrim colhido em a noite de S. Joaõ; como em jejum arruda e alho; e trago ao meu pescoço maõ esquerda de toupeira, com aza de morcego macho, nascido á meia noite em ponto de huma terça feira, e apanhado ao sabbado em encruzilhada{6} ao pino do meio dia; e ainda assim Deos sabe o que por cá vai, esperando a todos os instantes vêr por obra esse mofino sonho!

Fernandes.—Ai! que te eu vejo tal, morro em antes de me estrancinhar essa cousa ruim! Grandes malquerenças e grandes diabruras nos andaõ por casa: cégo he quem naõ vê por hum crivo! A minha franga, Snr.ª Comadre, tambem he hum signal dos muitos feitiços que nos perseguem; pois, sendo ella d'antes, como na verdade era, cristalhuda, azivieira, sacudída, e em fim hum pino d'ouro, taõ máo olhado lhe deraõ que, mettendo-se-lhe por entre os voadouros huns taes piolhos endiabrados, nunca mais foi senhora sua a pobrezinha da bicha, nem mais pôde alevantar a aza.

Pires.—Cada hum sente o seu, e Deos o de todos. Mas a Pata no chôco, Snr.ª Comadre, he que tem rabo de cabra; taes diabruras saõ as peores que podem ser, pois a toda a gente ameaçaõ.

Fernandes.—Seria acertado fallar Vossa Mercê com alguma feiticeira, mestra no seu officio, para vêrmos a volta que ella dava a similhantes feitiçarias: as cousas desfazem-se por onde se fazem.

Pires.—Ja fui fallar com a Saparra a este mesmo respeito; e pagando-lhe adiantado, porque mais vale hum toma que dous te darei: contei-lhe depois tudo, tim tim por tim tim, e ella me disse que o infernal aborto da Pata saltaria pelo arco da velha, e feria destemperos que naõ estaõ em livros, se naõ buscassemos logo para guarda nossa hum caõ negro que tivesse passado as agoas do mar, e tivesse visto muitas castas de gentes: disse mais que o bom do caõ havia de ser fiel, animoso, arrojado e botadiço, capaz de se encrespar com leões; e que, se tal o pudessemos haver, veriamos desapparecer a Pata com a sua ninhada. Ora, eu já tirei inculcas por esse mundo de Christo, e com effeito daõ-me noticias de hum caõ bem estreado que parece vir a pêllo para o intento; he mesmo, mesmo qual se requer; mas naõ me sabem dizer o modo d'elle nos vir á maõ: e assim estou vendo quando sahe o bicho, e nos faça em bocados, sem nós termos quem nos acuda.

Fernandes.—Nem fallar nisso he bom, Snr.ª Comadre! os dentes me batem, e os cabellos se me arripiaõ! Olhe, sabe que mais? naõ tomemos as dôres antes do parto; mate-se o diabo, naõ nos matemos nós: se por ventura depararmos com esse caõ bem fadado, fortuna será nossa; e se naõ, encommendemo-nos ás almas santas, e esperemos pelo que vier: em quanto o páo vai e vem, folgaõ as costas.{7}

Com pouco mais ergueraõ maõ as Comadres do assumpto da Pata no chôco; e com a ligeireza propria do sexo, passáraõ a outros entretenitnentos ainda mais ridiculos; salvo huma adivinhaçaõ, d'entre varias que disseraõ, pois essa naõ me pareceo de taes cabeças, e por isso ei-la ahí para desafiar os intelligentes, e affinar as intelligencias.

Adivinhaçaõ.

He minha patria o Brazil,
De lá vim a Portugal
Ser pizada e destruida;
E sendo eu joia Real,
A sorte cheguei a ter
De me ver mesmo vendida,
Como artigo mercantil,

Para alguem se enriquecer.
Huns virtude me attribuem,
Outros me reputaõ vicio,
E como vicio me excluem;
Mas destes, a seu pesar,
Muitos ha que beneficio
Vem por fim em mim buscar.
Bastante gente ha tambem

Que naõ me quer mal nem bem.
Huma irmã naõ lonje tenho
Que a este reino he vedada,
E o tenta com grande empenho;
Mas por ser mui altanada,
Ganha pouco neste jogo.
Coube-nos por nosso mal
A sorte dura e fatal
D' ambas soffrermos o fogo.

Alto lá, Snrs. adivinhões; a seu tempo se colhem as peras, dizem as Comadres: suspendaõ o seu juizo, se elle ha de ser prejuizo; e tenhaõ a paciencia de esperar que a advinhaçaõ se explique em hum folheto, que fica para imprimir-se, intitulado==Grandes Mercês do Genio Tutelar das Bagatelas.=={8}

Das adivinhações omittidas na primeira ediçaõ desta obra, a que tem mais geito he a seguinte:

Fui expedita algum dia
Em bellos fructos mostrar:
Aos olhos dei alegria,
E consegui regalar
Com largueza muita gente:
Fui liberal finalmente;
E, por huma sorte impia,
Vou-me deixando de o ser.
Hum mal me veio tolher,
Pelo qual me desconheço;
Pois quebrantada me sinto,
E os corações escureço.
Dizem que bando faminto.
De bichos vís me faz isto;
Que elles, a mim apegados
Com afêrro nunca visto,
Quanto podem, porfiados
Me privaõ de fazer bem.
Mas o que he certo, e ninguem
De modo algum negar ousa,
He o estar eu demudada,
E infelizmente azangada
Por huma terrivel cousa,
Que poucos annos naõ tem.

A seu tempo se colhem as pêras, tornaõ a dizer as Comadres; ninguem adiante juizos, e menos dê com a lingua nos dentes, até vir tudo explicado no Folheto promettido.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PATA NO CHOCO ***

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