The Project Gutenberg eBook of Widger's Quotations from the Project Gutenberg Editions of Paine's Writings on Mark Twain, by Albert Bigelow Paine and David Widger

This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at https://www.gutenberg.org/license. If you are not located in the United States, you’ll have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Widger's Quotations from the Project Gutenberg Editions of Paine's Writings on Mark Twain

Author: Albert Bigelow Paine and David Widger

Release Date: January 1, 2003 [EBook #3643]

Language: English

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ***

Project Gutenberg's Quotations from Paine's Writings on Mark Twain #11 in our series of Widger's Quotations by David Widger

Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check the laws for your country before redistributing these files!!!

Please take a look at the important information in this header. We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an electronic path open for the next readers.

Please do not remove this.

This should be the first thing seen when anyone opens the book. Do not change or edit it without written permission. The words are carefully chosen to provide users with the information they need about what they can legally do with the texts.

**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**

**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**

*****These Etexts Are Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****

Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and further information is included below, including for donations.

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN [Employee Identification Number] 64-6221541

Title: Widger's Quotations from Albert Bigelow Paine on Mark Twain

Author: David Widger

Release Date: January, 2003 [Etext #3643]

[Yes, we are about one year ahead of schedule]

[The actual date this file first posted = 07/01/01]

Edition: 10

Language: English

Project Gutenberg's Quotations from Paine's Writings on Mark Twain

*******This file should be named 3643.txt or 3643.zip*******

This etext was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net>

Project Gutenberg Etexts are usually created from multiple editions, all of which are in the Public Domain in the United States, unless a copyright notice is included. Therefore, we usually do NOT keep any of these books in compliance with any particular paper edition.

We are now trying to release all our books one year in advance of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. Please be encouraged to send us error messages even years after the official publication date.

Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment and editing by those who wish to do so.

Most people start at our sites at: https://gutenberg.org http://promo.net/pg

Those of you who want to download any Etext before announcement can surf to them as follows, and just download by date; this is also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter.

http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03

or

ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03

Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90

Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, as it appears in our Newsletters.

Information about Project Gutenberg (one page)

We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 million dollars per hour this year as we release fifty new Etext files per month, or 500 more Etexts in 2000 for a total of 3000+ If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total should reach over 300 billion Etexts given away by year's end.

The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion] This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users.

At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 3,333 Etexts unless we manage to get some real funding.

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium.

We need your donations more than ever!

As of June 16, 2001 contributions are only being solicited from people in:

Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Idaho, Indiana,

Iowa, Kansas, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Missouri,

Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma,

Oregon, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee,

Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, and Wyoming.

We have filed in nearly all states now, and these are the ones that have responded as of the date above.

As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state.

In answer to various questions we have received on this:

We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, just ask.

While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to donate.

International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are ways.

All donations should be made to:

Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

PMB 113

1739 University Ave.

Oxford, MS 38655-4109

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN [Employee Identification Number] 64-6221541, and has been approved as a 501(c)(3) organization by the US Internal Revenue Service (IRS). Donations are tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states.

We need your donations more than ever!

You can get up to date donation information at:

https://www.gutenberg.org/donation.html

***

If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, you can always email directly to:

Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com>

hart@pobox.com forwards to hart@prairienet.org and archive.org if your mail bounces from archive.org, I will still see it, if it bounces from prairienet.org, better resend later on. . . .

Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message.

We would prefer to send you information by email.

***

Example command-line FTP session:

ftp ftp.ibiblio.org login: anonymous password: your@login cd pub/docs/books/gutenberg cd etext90 through etext99 or etext00 through etext02, etc. dir [to see files] get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files] GET GUTINDEX.?? [to get a year's listing of books, e.g., GUTINDEX.99] GET GUTINDEX.ALL [to get a listing of ALL books]

**The Legal Small Print**

(Three Pages)

***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how you may distribute copies of this etext if you want to.

*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request.

ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etexts, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark.

Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market any commercial products without permission.

To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, [1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may receive this etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.

If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that time to the person you received it from. If you received it on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement copy. If you received it electronically, such person may choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to receive it electronically.

THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.

Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you may have other legal rights.

INDEMNITY You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification, or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect.

DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this "Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, or:

[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, including any form resulting from conversion by word processing or hypertext software, but only so long as *EITHER*:

[*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and does *not* contain characters other than those intended by the author of the work, although tilde (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may be used to convey punctuation intended by the author, and additional characters may be used to indicate hypertext links; OR

[*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent form by the program that displays the etext (as is the case, for instance, with most word processors); OR

[*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC or other equivalent proprietary form).

[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this "Small Print!" statement.

[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the gross profits you derive calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to let us know your plans and to work out the details.

WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine readable form.

The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time,

public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses.

Money should be paid to the:

"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."

If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: hart@pobox.com

*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.06/12/01*END* [Portions of this header are copyright (C) 2001 by Michael S. Hart and may be reprinted only when these Etexts are free of all fees.] [Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be used in any sales of Project Gutenberg Etexts or other materials be they hardware or software or any other related product without express permission.]

This etext was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net>

WIDGER'S QUOTATIONS

FROM THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EDITION OF THE WORKS OF ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE ON MARK TWAIN

EDITOR'S NOTE

Readers acquainted with the Writings of Paine and Twain may wish to see if their favorite passages are listed in this selection. The etext editor will be glad to add your suggestions. One of the advantages of internet over paper publication is the ease of quick revision.

At the end of the file there is also a chronologic list of Twain's works.

All the titles may be found using the Project Gutenberg search engine at: http://promo.net/pg/

After downloading a specific file, the location and complete context of the quotations may be found by inserting a small part of the quotation into the 'Find' or 'Search' functions of the user's word processing program.

The quotations are in two formats: 1. Small passages from the text. 2. Lists of alphabetized one-liners.

The editor may be contacted at <widger@cecomet.net> for comments, questions or suggested additions to these extracts.

D.W.

CONTENTS:

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt1bg10.txt] #2982

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1866-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt2bg10.txt] #2983

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1875-1886 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt3bg10.txt] #2984

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4bg10.txt] #2985

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1900-1907 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5bg10.txt] #2986

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6bg10.txt] #2987

THE COMPLETE MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1910 by Paine [mt7bg10.txt] #2988

THE BOYS' LIFE OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt8bg10.txt] #3463

TWAIN'S LETTERS V1 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt1lt10.txt] #3193

TWAIN'S LETTERS V2 1867-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt2lt10.txt] #3194

TWAIN'S LETTERS V3 1876-1885 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt3lt10.txt] #3195

TWAIN'S LETTERS V4 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4lt10.txt] #3196

TWAIN'S LETTERS V5 1901-1906 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5lt10.txt] #3197

TWAIN'S LETTERS V6 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6lt10.txt] #3198

THE COMPLETE LETTERS OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine [mtclt10.txt] #3199

A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF MARK TWAIN'S WORK FROM 1851-1910

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt1bgxxx.xxx] #2982

Absolute unaccountability of conduct

Benjamin Franklin and Samuel Clemens

Bret Harte

Court exertion. I love work

"Do you swear?" "Not for amusement; only under pressure."

Doing things and reflecting afterward

Dr. Holmes's Songs in Many Keys

His estimation of his own work was always unsafe

Income equal to that then earned by the Vice-President of the US

Jim Wolfe and the cats

Kissed each other, something hitherto unknown

Less than a cent an acre

Man who has that eye doesn't need to go armed

Never affiliate with inferiors; always climb

Not Mark Twain's habit to strive for humor

Nothing that glitters is gold

Out of the window, and I carried the sash along with me.

Perfect air of not knowing it to be humorous

Ready acknowledgment of shortcoming

Seeing them in print was a joy

Seek companionship among men of superior intellect and character

Sick were made well, and the well made better

Swayed by every passing emotion and influence

Twain did not remember ever having seen or heard his father lau

Unerring faculty for making business mistakes

Voluntarily retired from the service

Ways and means were not always considered

Wife was a new kind of possession

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY 1866-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt2bgxxx.xxx] #2983

American habit of carrying a cotton umbrella

Auntie Rachel

Death that made its beginning there

Does not seem to be in all respects a reptile

Don't take the bull by the horns-take him by the tail

Dr. John Brown

Expectant look in the Eastern horizon

Forgotten that he had ever had any other views

He had no prejudices about clothes

Jealousy

Josh Billings

Know so much that isn't so.

Lecky's History of European Morals';

Liberty, justice, humanity

Life and death that made its beginning there

Likely to write not wisely but too much

Ma likes funerals

Mark Twain Scrap-Book

Marriages are what the parties to them alone really know

Nothing but almost inspired lying got me out of this scrape

Ornament of a house is the friends that frequent it

Potter's "English violet" order of design

Praise, but not of an intemperate sort

Praises to whatever seemed genuine

Proceeded from unreasoned selfishness to reasoned selfishness

Read not so many books, but read a few books often

Ridicule to the things considered sham

Selfishness

Sketches which every artist has, turned face to the wall

Some folks mistake vivacity for wit

Terrible death to be talked to death

True Story

Western humor

Wife was for years afflicted with freckles

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1875-1886 by Albert Bigelow Paine, [mt3bg10.txt] #2984

Absentmindedness

Between Harte and Clemens, the whole matter was unfortunate

Bible

Canadian girls so pretty

Cat having a fit in a platter of tomatoes

Cazenova, and Rousseau.

Communism is idiocy

Confusions of memory and imagination

Conscience ain't got no sense

Consider every man colored till he is proved white

Cynic; restrained

Damning with faint praise

Drawn the sting of my fiftieth year; taken away the pain of it

Fathers be alike, mayhap; mine hath not a doll's temper

Fear God and dread the Sunday-school

France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals

Graham Bell

Hain't we all the fools in town on our side?

Happily, the little child was to evade that harsher penalty

Hatred of humbug, and a scorn for cant

Header

Hickory-nuts

I could a staid if I'd a wanted to, but I didn't want to.

If loyalty to party is a form of patriotism, I am no patriot

Lecky

Livy, if it comforts you to lean on the Christian faith do so!

Modest" Club

My advice is not to raise the flag

Operas

Optimist

Pessimist

Pretty soon we shall have been dead a hundred years

Religion

Resenting, even when most amused by it, extravagance and burles

Rubaiyat

Style that is not a style at all but the very absence of it

Symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax

Teaspoonful of brains

They fought, that a mother might own her child

Under dog in the fight

Well, it 'most kills me, but it pays

What is Man

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4bg10.txt]#2985

Address he made at Yale College

And now she is dead—& I can never tell her.

And of the article: "I read it to the cat

Been on the verge of being an angel all my life

Carbuncle is a kind of jewel

Compliment that helps us on our way

Defeat waits somewhere for every conqueror

Don't reform any more. It is not an improvement

Edited manuscript-by a half wit

Embroidery line

Every man is strong until his price is named

Feverish desire to admire the newest thing

Flood-tide is a temporary condition

Genius has no youth

God is on both sides in this war

Good-by. Will healing ever come, or life have value again?

Honor is a harder master than the law

Humor should take its outings in grave company

I hope his uncle's funeral will be a failure!

Immensely but unintelligently interested

It cannot be safe for a man at my time of life to laugh so much

Just say the report of my death has been grossly exaggerated

Letter written in a passion is a mistake

Man is the only animal that blushes, or that needs to

Mind, if this is going to be too much trouble to you

Neither the refinement nor the weakness of a college education

Never a throne which did not represent a crime

Only a human being, he said, could have done these things

Only by resisting temptation that men grow strong

Prepared and memorized a very good speech but had forgotten it.

Preserve your illusions

Pronounced Mrs. Clemens free from any organic ills

Put all your eggs into one basket—and watch that basket

Refused ten thousand dollars for a tobacco indorsement

There is not much choice between a removal & a funeral

What is biography? Unadorned romance

Whenever I enjoy anything in art it means that it is poor

Won't be anybody for you to get acquainted with but God

Won't you please say something funny?"

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1900-1907 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5bg10.txt]#2986

"Adams Memorial," by Saint-Gaudens

A Dog's Tale

Abhorred extortion and visible waste.

After seventy we are respected—but don't need to behave

American public opinion is a delicate fabric

Asked forgiveness for the tears he had brought into her life

Back Number

Beethoven's Fifth Symphony

Beethoven's sonatas and symphonies also moved him deeply

Bible

Blasphemy

Cavalleria Rusticana

Classic—something that everybody wants to have read

Convenient bronchitis

Count among my privileges in life that I know you, the author

Covetousness to-day was the basis of all commerce

Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron

Death was the thing that we did not believe in.

Died at the right time, in the flower of youth and happiness

Do right and you will be conspicuous

Doctrine of Selfishness

Don't you care more about the wretchedness of others

Each letter or character should have one sound

Enough of this world, and I wish I were out of it

Find out what the country's customs are

Gentleman

Give her soap and towel, but hide the looking-glass

God is sitting up nights worrying over the individuals

God must love you!

Hail you as the Voltaire of America

Hair

His conscience was always repairing itself

How poor we are to-day!

Human being needs to revise his ideas again about God

I am as one who wanders and has lost his way

I am tired & old; I wish I were with Livy

I am tired wanting for that man to get old

I would not call her back if I could

If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times

Billiards

Impatient as the Creator doubtless was to see man

Impromptu speech

It was his habit to grow fond of his surroundings

Jester, who for forty years had been making the world laugh

Last and best of life for which the first was made

Learned the meaning of grief

Letter on inadvertant theft on a visit to friends

Life is a game of whist.

Looks like a good deal of trouble for such a small result

Loss of one whose memory is the only thing I worship

Machine that is as unreliable as he is would have no market

Man the irresponsible Machine

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired

Massacre of Jews in Moscow

Mental healing

No general fondness for poetry; but many poems appealed to him

Number of things I can remember that aren't so

One could lose a dog in this bed," he declared

Only dead men can tell the truth in this world

Our alphabet is pure insanity

Oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a man

Patriotism that proposed to keep the Stars and Stripes clean

Pier

Political conscience into somebody else's keeping

Poorest, clumsiest excuse of all the creatures

Previous-engagement plea

Revelation of injustice and hypocrisy

Seventy, the scriptural limitation of life

Shall we ever laugh again?

Smoked constantly, loathed exercise

Subcutaneous injection of brandy saved her

Tannhauser

Teeth

"The country home I need," he said, fiercely, "is a cemetery."

The rest is silence

There is no such thing as a new idea

Threescore years and ten!

To My Missionary Critics

To the Person Sitting in Darkness

War Prayer

Was the World Made for Man

We are always too busy for our children

We have no real morals, but only artificial ones

What an amusing creature the human being is!"

What are you going to do, you poor soul?

Wheresoever she was, there was Eden

Would you do it again if you had the chance?

Yes, we are a sufficiently comical invention, we humans

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6bg10.txt]#2987

Affection—that is the last and final and most precious reward

All beggars, each in his own way

Always an incompleteness somewhere, and the shadow

Assent to what must be

Ax on his shoulder proceeding toward a grindstone

Beating the dirge of yesterday or the tattoo of to-morrow

Begum, of Bengal, days out from Canton—homeward bound!

Best friend I have ever had, but is the best man I have known

Brown's Hotel

Byron

Casanova & Pepys & Saint Simon

Cats really owned Stormfield

Certainty

Chastity, you can carry it too far.

Claudius

Conceit in believing that he was the Creator's pet

Continuous procession of blood and slaughter and stench

Costs even more to entertain a dog than a burglar

Curiosities and absurdities of religious superstitions

Death—the only immortal who treats us all alike

Despises pretenders and charlatans of all sorts

Dreaming of the past or anticipating the future

Dying I don't want to be stimulated back to life

Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all

Eighty-five hundred guests at the King's party

Entered upon a holiday whose other end is the cemetery

Even members of his household did not always stir his conscious

Every man builds his God according to his own capacities.

Fame had deprived him of valued privileges.

Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it

Glad, for the sake of the dead, that they have escaped

God Trust motto on the coins

Got a genuine excuse. It makes me feel so honest

Government that robs its own people earns its future

Habits take precedence of thought

He lived in the present

I have never greatly envied any one but the dead

Incite public favorites to dangerous ambitions

Infamous doctrine of allegiance to party

Interpreting the deity

Jane Austen's books

Knights of Labor

Letters from the Earth

Letters of Madame de Sevigne

Life is too long and too short

Loved him all my life, and I'll love him till I die

Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain

Make other men not fit to die, but fit to live

Man who isn't a pessimist is a d—-d fool."

Many things had been discussed and put away for good

Mendicancy

Museum of Natural History

Nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble

Nothing is ever at rest—wood, iron, water, everything is alive

October th was a perfect wedding-day

Oh, it is such a mystery, and it takes so long

Optimism

Party have somehow got a mortgage on his soul

People religiously and otherwise insane

Pessimist

Rain falls upon the just and the unjust alike

Reached the grandfather stage of life without grandchildren

Recognize myself

Ruling public and political aristocracy

Sad tolerance of age

Saint-Saens

Shem's diary

Ship ahoy! What ship is that? And whence and whither?

Simon wheeler, detective

Slave that is proud that he is a slave

Suetonius,

Suetonius and Carlyle lay on the bed beside him

Tarkington

Telling the truth's the funniest joke in the world

Temperament is the man

The Derelict

The Great Law

The international lightning trust

The mysterious chamber

The second advent

The war prayer

There is that about the sun which makes us forget his spots

They have forgotten how to rest

This race's God I mean—their own pet invention

This view beggars all admiration

Titanic

Tom and Huck

Trinity

Turn hell's back yard into a playground

Undertaker's love-story

Unitarianism is a featherbed to catch falling Christians

Unsent Letters

We live to learn

When we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry

Whereas we can think, we generally don't do it

Which was which?

Woman a eulogy of the fair sex

Woodrow Wilson

Wouldn't read that book again without a salary.

Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is.

You must never ask for wages

You sneer, you ships that pass me by

Young people—school-girls in particular

THE COMPLETE MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt7bg10.txt]#2988

A Dog's Tale

Abhorred extortion and visible waste.

Absentmindedness

Absolute unaccountability of conduct

"Adams Memorial," by Saint-Gaudens

Address he made at Yale College

Affection—that is the last and final and most precious reward

After seventy we are respected—but don't need to behave

All beggars, each in his own way

Always an incompleteness somewhere, and the shadow

American habit of carrying a cotton umbrella

American public opinion is a delicate fabric

American enthusiasm in such matters stopped well above their po

And now she is dead—& I can never tell her.

And of the article: "I read it to the cat."

Asked forgiveness for the tears he had brought into her life

Assassination of an empress

Assent to what must be

Auntie Rachel

Autobiography of a damn fool

Ax on his shoulder proceeding toward a grindstone

Back Number

Beating the dirge of yesterday or the tattoo of to-morrow

Been on the verge of being an angel all my life

Beethoven's sonatas and symphonies also moved him deeply

Beethoven's Fifth Symphony

Begum, of Bengal, days out from Canton—homeward bound!

Benjamin Franklin and Samuel Clemens

Best friend I have ever had, but is the best man I have known

Between Harte and Clemens, the whole matter was unfortunate

Blasphemy

Bret Harte

Brown's Hotel

Byron

Canadian girls so pretty

Carbuncle is a kind of jewel

Casanova & Pepys & Saint Simon

Cat having a fit in a platter of tomatoes

Cats really owned Stormfield

Cavalleria Rusticana

Cazenova, and Rousseau.

Certainty

Chastity, you can carry it too far

Classic—something that everybody wants to have read

Claudius

Communism is idiocy

Compliment that helps us on our way

Conceit in believing that he was the Creator's pet

Confusions of memory and imagination

Conscience ain't got no sense

Consider every man colored till he is proved white

Continuous procession of blood and slaughter and stench

Convenient bronchitis

Costs even more to entertain a dog than a burglar

Count among my privileges in life that I know you, the author

Court exertion. I love work

Covetousness to-day was the basis of all commerce

Curiosities and absurdities of religious superstitions

Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron

Cynic; restrained

Damning with faint praise

Death that made its beginning there

Death was the thing that we did not believe in.

Death—the only immortal who treats us all alike

Defeat waits somewhere for every conqueror

Despises pretenders and charlatans of all sorts

Died at the right time, in the flower of youth and happiness

Do right and you will be conspicuous

"Do you swear?" "Not for amusement; only under pressure."

Doctrine of Selfishness

Does not seem to be in all respects a reptile

Doing things and reflecting afterward

Don't you care more about the wretchedness of others

Don't take the bull by the horns-take him by the tail

Don't reform any more. It is not an improvement

Dr. Holmes's Songs in Many Keys

Dr. John Brown

Drawn the sting of my fiftieth year; taken away the pain of it

Dreaming of the past or anticipating the future

Dying I don't want to be stimulated back to life

Each letter or character should have one sound

Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all

Edited manuscript-by a half wit

Eighty-five hundred guests at the King's party

Embroidery line

Enough of this world, and I wish I were out of it

Entered upon a holiday whose other end is the cemetery

Even members of his household did not always stir his conscious

Every man builds his God according to his own capacities

Every man is strong until his price is named

Expectant look in the Eastern horizon

Fame had deprived him of valued privileges

Fathers be alike, mayhap; mine hath not a doll's temper

Fear God and dread the Sunday-school

Feverish desire to admire the newest thing

Find out what the country's customs are

Flood-tide is a temporary condition

Forgotten that he had ever had any other views

France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals

Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it

Genius has no youth

Gentleman

Give her soap and towel, but hide the looking-glass

Glad, for the sake of the dead, that they have escaped.

God is on both sides in this war

God must love you!

God Trust" motto on the coins

God is sitting up nights worrying over the individuals

Good-by. Will healing ever come, or life have value again?

Got a genuine excuse. It makes me feel so honest

Government that robs its own people earns its future

Graham Bell

Habits take precedence of thought

Hail you as the Voltaire of America

Hain't we all the fools in town on our side?

Hair

Happily, the little child was to evade that harsher penalty

Hatred of humbug, and a scorn for cant

He had no prejudices about clothes

He lived in the present

Header

Hickory-nuts

His conscience was always repairing itself

His estimation of his own work was always unsafe

Honor is a harder master than the law

How poor we are to-day!

Human being needs to revise his ideas again about God

Humor should take its outings in grave company

I am tired & old; I wish I were with Livy

I am tired wanting for that man to get old

I would not call her back if I could

I could a staid if I'd a wanted to, but I didn't want to

I have never greatly envied any one but the dead

I am as one who wanders and has lost his way

I hope his uncle's funeral will be a failure!

If loyalty to party is a form of patriotism, I am no patriot

If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times

Immensely but unintelligently interested

Impatient as the Creator doubtless was to see man

Impromptu speech

Incite public favorites to dangerous ambitions

Income equal to that then earned by the Vice-President of the US

Infamous doctrine of allegiance to party

It was his habit to grow fond of his surroundings

It cannot be safe for a man at my time of life to laugh so much

Jane Austen's books

Jealousy

Jester, who for forty years had been making the world laugh

Jim Wolfe and the cats

Josh Billings

Just say the report of my death has been grossly exaggerated

Kissed each other, something hitherto unknown

Know so much that isn't so

Last and best of life for which the first was made

Learned the meaning of grief

Lecky

Lecky's History of European Morals

Less than a cent an acre

Letter on inadvertant theft on a visit to friends

Letter written in a passion is a mistake

Letters of Madame de Sevigne

Letters from the Earth

Liberty, justice, humanity

Life and death that made its beginning there

Life is a game of whist.

Life is too long and too short.

Likely to write not wisely but too much

Livy, if it comforts you to lean on the Christian faith do so!

Looks like a good deal of trouble for such a small result

Loss of one whose memory is the only thing I worship

Loved him all my life, and I'll love him till I die

Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain

Ma likes funerals

Machine that is as unreliable as he is would have no market

Make other men not fit to die, but fit to live

Man is the only animal that blushes, or that needs to

Man who isn't a pessimist is a d—-d fool

Man who has that eye doesn't need to go armed

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired

Man the irresponsible Machine

Many things had been discussed and put away for good

Mark Twain Scrap-Book

Marriages are what the parties to them alone really know

Massacre of Jews in Moscow

Mendicancy

Mental healing

Mind, if this is going to be too much trouble to you

"Modest" Club

Museum of Natural History

My advice is not to raise the flag

Neither the refinement nor the weakness of a college education

Never affiliate with inferiors; always climb

Never a throne which did not represent a crime

No general fondness for poetry; but many poems appealed to him

Nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble

Not Mark Twain's habit to strive for humor

Nothing that glitters is gold

Nothing but almost inspired lying got me out of this scrape

Nothing is ever at rest—wood, iron, water, everything is alive

Number of things I can remember that aren't so."

October th was a perfect wedding-day

Oh, it is such a mystery, and it takes so long

One could lose a dog in this bed

Only dead men can tell the truth in this world

Only a human being, he said, could have done these things

Only by resisting temptation that men grow strong

Operas

Optimism

Optimist

Ornament of a house is the friends that frequent it

Our alphabet is pure insanity

Out of the window, and I carried the sash along with me.

Oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a man

Party have somehow got a mortgage on his soul,

Patriotism that proposed to keep the Stars and Stripes clean

People religiously and otherwise insane

Perfect air of not knowing it to be humorous

Pessimist

Pier

Political conscience into somebody else's keeping

Poorest, clumsiest excuse of all the creatures

Potter's "English violet" order of design

Praise, but not of an intemperate sort

Praises to whatever seemed genuine

Prepared and memorized a very good speech but had forgotten it

Preserve your illusions

Pretty soon we shall have been dead a hundred years

Previous-engagement plea

Proceeded from unreasoned selfishness to reasoned selfishness

Pronounced Mrs. Clemens free from any organic ills

Put all your eggs into one basket—and watch that basket

Rain falls upon the just and the unjust alike

Reached the grandfather stage of life without grandchildren

Read not so many books, but read a few books often

Ready acknowledgment of shortcoming

Recognize myself

Refused ten thousand dollars for a tobacco indorsement

Religion

Resenting, even when most amused by it, extravagance and burles

Revelation of injustice and hypocrisy

Ridicule to the things considered sham

Rubaiyat

Ruling public and political aristocracy

Sad tolerance of age

Saint-Saens

Seeing them in print was a joy

Seek companionship among men of superior intellect and character

Selfishness

Seventy, the scriptural limitation of life

Shall we ever laugh again?

Ship ahoy! What ship is that? And whence and whither?

Sick were made well, and the well made better

Sketches which every artist has, turned face to the wall

Slave that is proud that he is a slave

Smoked constantly, loathed exercise

Some folks mistake vivacity for wit

Style that is not a style at all but the very absence of it

Subcutaneous injection of brandy saved her

Suetonius and Carlyle lay on the bed beside him

Swayed by every passing emotion and influence

Symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax

Tannhauser

Tarkington

Teaspoonful of brains

Teeth

Telling the truth's the funniest joke in the world

Temperament is the man

Terrible death to be talked to death

"The country home I need," he said, fiercely, "is a cemetery."

The Great Law

The rest is silence

The Derelict

The second advent

The war prayer

The mysterious chamber

The international lightning trust

There is that about the sun which makes us forget his spots

There is no such thing as a new idea

There is not much choice between a removal & a funeral

They have forgotten how to rest

They fought, that a mother might own her child

This view beggars all admiration

This race's God I mean—their own pet invention.

Threescore years and ten!

Titanic

To My Missionary Critics

To the Person Sitting in Darkness

Trinity

True Story

Turn hell's back yard into a playground

Twain did not remember ever having seen or heard his father laugh

Under dog in the fight

Unerring faculty for making business mistakes

Unitarianism is a featherbed to catch falling Christians

Unsent Letters

Voluntarily retired from the service

War Prayer

Was the World Made for Man

Ways and means were not always considered

We are always too busy for our children

We have no real morals, but only artificial ones

We live to learn

Well, it 'most kills me, but it pays

Western humor

What is biography? Unadorned romance

What is Man

What are you going to do, you poor soul?

What an amusing creature the human being is

When we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry

Whenever I enjoy anything in art it means that it is poor

Whereas we can think, we generally don't do it.

Wheresoever she was, there was Eden

Wife was a new kind of possession

Wife was for years afflicted with freckles

Won't be anybody for you to get acquainted with but God

Won't you please say something funny?

Woodrow Wilson

Would you do it again if you had the chance?

Wouldn't read that book again without a salary

Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is.

Yes, we are a sufficiently comical invention, we humans.

You sneer, you ships that pass me by

You must never ask for wages

Young people—school-girls in particular

THE BOYS' LIFE OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt8bg10.txt]#3463

It was the 2d of February, 1870, that Samuel Clemens and Olivia Langdon were married. A few days before, he sat down one night and wrote to Jim Gillis, away out in the Tuolumne Hills, and told him of all his good fortune, recalling their days at Angel's Camp, and the absurd frog story, which he said had been the beginning of his happiness. In the five years since then he had traveled a long way, but he had not forgotten.

"Roughing It," in fact, proved a very successful book. Like "The Innocents Abroad," it was the first of its kind, fresh in its humor and description, true in its picture of the frontier life he had known. In three months forty thousand copies had been sold, and now, after more than forty years, it is still a popular book. The life it describes is all gone—the scenes are changed. It is a record of a vanished time—a delightful history—as delightful to-day as ever.

England fairly reveled in Mark Twain. At one of the great banquets, a roll of the distinguished guests was called, and the names properly applauded. Mark Twain, busily engaged in low conversation with his neighbor, applauded without listening, vigorously or mildly, as the others led. Finally a name was followed by a great burst of long and vehement clapping. This must be some very great person indeed, and Mark Twain, not to be outdone in his approval, stoutly kept his hands going when all others had finished.

"Whose name was that we were just applauding?" he asked of his neighbor.

—"Mark Twain's."

They remained for a time in London—a period of honors and entertainment. If Mark Twain had been a lion on his first visit, he was hardly less than royalty now. His rooms at the Langham Hotel were like a court. The nation's most distinguished men—among them Robert Browning, Sir John Millais, Lord Houghton, and Sir Charles Dilke—came to pay their respects. Authors were calling constantly. Charles Reade and Wilkie Collins could not get enough of Mark Twain. Reade proposed to join with him in writing a novel, as Warner had done. Lewis Carroll did not call, being too timid, but they met the author of "Alice in Wonderland" one night at a dinner, "the shyest full-grown man, except Uncle Remiss, I ever saw," Mark Twain once declared.

At Quarry Farm that summer Mark Twain began the writing of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer." He had been planning for some time to set down the story of those far-off days along the river-front at Hannibal, with John Briggs, Tom Blankenship, and the rest of that graceless band, and now in the cool luxury of a little study which Mrs. Crane had built for him on the hillside he set himself to spin the fabric of his youth. The study was a delightful place to work. It was octagonal in shape, with windows on all sides, something like a pilot-house. From any direction the breeze could come, and there were fine views. To Twichell he wrote:

"I came in with Halley's comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's comet."

The terms of Samuel Clemens's apprenticeship were the usual thing for that day: board and clothes—"more board than clothes, and not much of either," Mark Twain used to say.

"If your memory extends so far back, you will recall a little sandy- haired boy of nearly a quarter of a century ago, in the printing-office at Hannibal, over the Brittingham drug-store, mounted upon a little box at the case, who used to love to sing so well the statement of the poor drunken man who was supposed to have fallen by the wayside, 'If ever I get up again, I'll stay up—if I kin.'"

"Do you swear?"—"N-not for amusement; only under pressure."

"When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not; but I am getting old, and soon I shall remember only the latter."

TWAIN'S LETTERS V1 1835-1866 by A. B. Paine[mt1lt10.txt] #3193

A mighty national menace to sham

All talk and no cider

Condition my room is always in when you are not around

Deprived of the soothing consolation of swearing

Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it

Genius defies the laws of perspective

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick

I never greatly envied anybody but the dead

In the long analysis of the ages it is the truth that counts

Just about enough cats to go round

Moral bulwark reared against hypocrisy and superstition

The coveted estate of silence, time's only absolute gift

We went outside to keep from getting wet

What a pleasure there is in revenge!

When in doubt, tell the truth

When it is my turn, I don't

TWAIN'S LETTERS V2 1867-1875 by A. B. Paine[mt2lt10.txt] #3194

DEAR REDPATH,—I wish you would get me released from the lecture at Buffalo. I mortally hate that society there, and I don't doubt they hired me. I once gave them a packed house free of charge, and they never even had the common politeness to thank me. They left me to shift for myself, too, a la Bret Harte at Harvard. Get me rid of Buffalo! Otherwise I'll have no recourse left but to get sick the day I lecture there. I can get sick easy enough.

I send you No. 5 today. I have written and re-written the first half of it three different times, yesterday and today, and at last Mrs. Clemens says it will do. I never saw a woman so hard to please about things she doesn't know anything about. Yours ever, MARK.

This is the place to get a poor opinion of everybody in. There isn't one man in Washington, in civil office, who has the brains of Anson Burlingame—and I suppose if China had not seized and saved his great talents to the world, this government would have discarded him when his time was up. There are more pitiful intellects in this Congress! Oh, geeminy! There are few of them that I find pleasant enough company to visit. I am most infernally tired of Wash. and its "attractions." To be busy is a man's only happiness—and I am—otherwise I should die Yrs. aff. SAM.

TWAIN'S LETTERS V3 1876-1885 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt3lt10.txt] #3195

It is interesting to note that in thanking Clemens for his compliment Howells wrote: "What people cannot see is that I analyze as little as possible; they go on talking about the analytical school, which I am supposed to belong to, and I want to thank you for using your eyes….. Did you ever read De Foe's 'Roxana'? If not, then read it, not merely for some of the deepest insights into the lying, suffering, sinning, well-meaning human soul, but for the best and most natural English that a book was ever written in."

Pray offer my most sincere and respectful approval to the President—is approval the proper word? I find it is the one I most value here in the household and seldomest get.

In the same letter he suggests to his brother that he undertake an absolutely truthful autobiography, a confession in which nothing is to be withheld. He cites the value of Casanova's memories, and the confessions of Rousseau.

And I say this also: He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his plan, let him seek eternal life, for he shall need it.

Well-good-bye, and a short life and a merry one be yours. Poor old

Methusaleh, how did he manage to stand it so long?

You are assisted in your damaging work by the tyrannous ways of a village—villagers watch each other and so make cowards of each other.

TWAIN'S LETTERS V4 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt4lt10.txt] #3196

And I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55

Argument against suicide

Conversationally being yelled at

Dead people who go through the motions of life

Die in the promptest kind of a way and no fooling around

Heroic endurance that resembles contentment

Honest men must be pretty scarce

I wonder how they can lie so. It comes of practice, no doubt

If this is going to be too much trouble to you

One should be gentle with the ignorant

Sunday is the only day that brings unbearable leisure

Symbol of the human race ought to be an ax

What a pity it is that one's adventures never happen!

TWAIN'S LETTERS V5 1901-1906 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt5lt10.txt] #3197

I have seen that iceberg thirty-four times in thirty-seven voyages; it is always the same shape, it is always the same size, it always throws up the same old flash when the sun strikes it; you may set it on any New York door-step of a June morning and light it up with a mirror-flash; and I will engage to recognize it. It is artificial, and it is provided and anchored out by the steamer companies. I used to like the sea, but I was young then, and could easily get excited over any kind of monotony, and keep it up till the monotonies ran out, if it was a fortnight.

It vexes me to catch myself praising the clean private citizen Roosevelt, and blaming the soiled President Roosevelt, when I know that neither praise nor blame is due to him for any thought or word or deed of his, he being merely a helpless and irresponsible coffee-mill ground by the hand of God.

It was a presidential year and the air was thick with politics. Mark Twain was no longer actively interested in the political situation; he was only disheartened by the hollowness and pretense of office-seeking, and the methods of office-seekers in general.

Shall we ever laugh again? If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times! and could put my arms around his neck and tell him all, everything, and ease my heart. Think—in 3 hours it will be a week!—and soon a month; and by and by a year. How fast our dead fly from us.

Aldrich was here half an hour ago, like a breeze from over the fields, with the fragrance still upon his spirit. I am tired of waiting for that man to get old.

When a man is a pessimist before 48 he knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

TWAIN'S LETTERS V6 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt6lt10.txt] #3198

That doctor had half an idea that there is something the matter with my brain. . . Doctors do know so little and they do charge so much for it.

You ought not to say sarcastic things about my "fighting on the other side." General Grant did not act like that. General Grant paid me compliments. He bracketed me with Zenophon—it is there in his Memoirs for anybody to read. He said if all the confederate soldiers had followed my example and adopted my military arts he could never have caught enough of them in a bunch to inconvenience the Rebellion. General Grant was a fair man, and recognized my worth; but you are prejudiced, and you have hurt my feelings.

DEAR HOWELLS,—I have to write a line, lazy as I am, to say how your Poe article delighted me; and to say that I am in agreement with substantially all you say about his literature. To me his prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's. No, there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.

THE COMPLETE LETTERS OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine[mtclt10.txt] #3199

That doctor had half an idea that there is something the matter with my brain. . . Doctors do know so little and they do charge so much for it.

Shall we ever laugh again? If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times! and could put my arms around his neck and tell him all, everything, and ease my heart. Think—in 3 hours it will be a week!—and soon a month; and by and by a year. How fast our dead fly from us.

I used to like the sea, but I was young then, and could easily get excited over any kind of monotony, and keep it up till the monotonies ran out.

And I say this also: He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his plan, let him seek eternal life, for he shall need it.

Well-good-bye, and a short life and a merry one be yours. Poor old

Methusaleh, how did he manage to stand it so long?

You are assisted in your damaging work by the tyrannous ways of a village— villagers watch each other and so make cowards of each other.

A mighty national menace to sham

All talk and no cider

Approval

Argument against suicide

As good and ridiculous a soul as ever was.

Buffalo! I mortally hate that society there

Casanova

Condition my room is always in when you are not around

Conversationally and being yelled at

Could easily get excited over any kind of monotony,

De Foe's 'Roxana'

Dead people who go through the motions of life

Deprived of the soothing consolation of swearing

Die in the promptest kind of a way and no fooling around

Doctors do know so little and they do charge so much for it.

Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it

General Grant

Genius defies the laws of perspective

Get me rid of Buffalo!

Great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death

Hard to please about things she doesn't know anything about

He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his plan

Helpless and irresponsible coffee-mill ground by the hand of God

Heroic endurance that resembles contentment

Hollowness and pretense of office-seeking

Honest men must be pretty scarce

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick

How fast our dead fly from us

I never greatly envied anybody but the dead

I wonder how they can lie so. It comes of practice, no doubt

I am tired of waiting for that man to get old

If this is going to be too much trouble to you

In the long analysis of the ages it is the truth that counts

Jacobs

Just about enough cats to go round

Moral bulwark reared against hypocrisy and superstition

Never approximated, never compromised

One should be gentle with the ignorant

Quit sorry that Heaven makes the days so short

Rousseau

Short life and a merry one be yours

Sunday is the only day that brings unbearable leisure

Symbol of the human race ought to be an ax

The coveted estate of silence, time's only absolute gift

They don't run her now

To be busy is a man's only happiness

Uncover such a sore as that and show it to another

Villagers watch each other and so make cowards of each other

We went outside to keep from getting wet

What a pleasure there is in revenge!

What a pity it is that one's adventures never happen!

When in doubt, tell the truth

When it is my turn, I don't

A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF MARK TWAIN'S WORK

PUBLISHED AND OTHERWISE—FROM 1851-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine

Note 1.—This is not a detailed bibliography, but merely a general list of Mark Twain's literary undertakings, in the order of performance, showing when, and usually where, the work was done, when and where first published, etc. An excellent Mark Twain bibliography has been compiled by Mr. Merle Johnson, to whom acknowledgments are due for important items.

Note 2.—Only a few of the more important speeches are noted. Volumes that are merely collections of tales or articles are not noted.

Note 3.—Titles are shortened to those most commonly in use, as "Huck

Finn" or "Huck" for "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn."

Names of periodicals are abbreviated.

The initials U. E. stand for the "Uniform Edition" of Mark Twain's works.

The chapter number or numbers in the line with the date refers to the place in MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY where the items are mentioned.

1851.

(See Chapter xviii of this work.)

Edited the Hannibal Journal during the absence of the owner and editor,

Orion Clemens.

Wrote local items for the Hannibal Journal.

Burlesque of a rival editor in the Hannibal Journal.

Wrote two sketches for The Sat. Eve. Post (Philadelphia).

To MARY IN H-l. Hannibal Journal.

1852-53.

(See Chapter xviii.)

JIM WOLFE AND THE FIRE-Hannibal Journal.

Burlesque of a rival editor in the Hannibal Journal.

1853.

(See Chapter xix.)

Wrote obituary poems-not published.

Wrote first letters home.

1855-56.

(See Chapters xx and xxi.)

First after-dinner speech; delivered at a printers' banquet in Keokuk,

Iowa.

Letters from Cincinnati, November 16, 1856, signed "Snodgrass"—

Saturday Post (Keokuk).

1857.

(See Chapter xxi.)

Letters from Cincinnati, March 16, 1857, signed "Snodgrass"—Saturday

Post (Keokuk).

1858.

Anonymous contributions to the New Orleans Crescent and probably to St.

Louis papers.

1859.

(See Chapter xxvii; also Appendix B.)

Burlesque of Capt. Isaiah Sellers—True Delta (New Orleans), May 8 or 9.

1861. (See Chapters xxxiii to xxxv.)

Letters home, published in The Gate City (Keokuk).

1862.

(See Chapters xxxv to xxxviii.)

Letters and sketches, signed "Josh," for the Territorial Enterprise

(Virginia City, Nevada).

REPORT OF THE LECTURE OF PROF. PERSONAL PRONOUN—Enterprise.

REPORT OF A FOURTH OF JULY ORATION—Enterprise.

THE PETRIFIED MAN—Enterprise.

Local news reporter for the Enterprise from August.

1863.

(See Chapters xli to xliii; also Appendix C.)

Reported the Nevada Legislature for the Enterprise.

First used the name "Mark Twain," February 2.

ADVICE TO THE UNRELIABLE—Enterprise.

CURING A COLD—Enterprise. U. E.

INFORMATION FOR THE MILLION—Enterprise.

ADVICE TO GOOD LITTLE GIRLS—Enterprise.

THE DUTCH NICK MASSACRE—Enterprise.

Many other Enterprise sketches.

THE AGED PILOT MAN (poem)—" ROUGHING IT." U. E.

1864.

(See. Chapters xliv to xlvii.)

Reported the Nevada Legislature for the Enterprise.

Speech as "Governor of the Third House."

Letters to New York Sunday Mercury.

Local reporter on the San Francisco Call.

Articles and sketches for the Golden Era.

Articles and sketches for the Californian.

Daily letters from San Francisco to the Enterprise.

(Several of the Era and Californian sketches appear in SKETCHES NEW AND

OLD. U. E.)

1865.

(See Chapters xlix to li; also Appendix E.)

Notes for the Jumping Frog story; Angel's Camp, February.

Sketches etc., for the Golden Era and Californian.

Daily letter to the Enterprise.

THE JUMPING FROG (San Francisco)Saturday Press. New York,

November 18. U. E.

1866.

(See Chapters lii to lv; also Appendix D.)

Daily letter to the Enterprise.

Sandwich Island letters to the Sacramento Union.

Lecture on the Sandwich Islands, San Francisco, October 2. FORTY-THREE DAYS IN AN OPEN BOAT—Harper's Magazine, December (error in signature made it Mark Swain).

1867.

(See Chapters lvii to lxv; also Appendices E, F, and G.)

Letters to Alta California from New York.

JIM WOLFE AND THE CATS—N. Y. Sunday Mercury.

THE JUMPING FROG—book, published by Charles Henry Webb, May 1. U. E.

Lectured at Cooper Union, May, '66.

Letters to Alta California and New York Tribune from the Quaker City—

Holy Land excursion.

Letter to New York Herald on the return from the Holy Land.

After-dinner speech on "Women" (Washington).

Began arrangement for the publication of THE INNOCENTS ABROAD.

1868.

(See Chapters lxvi to lxix; also Appendices H and I.)

Newspaper letters, etc., from Washington, for New York Citizen, Tribune,

Herald, and other papers and periodicals.

Preparing Quaker City letters (in Washington and San Francisco) for book

publication.

CAPTAIN WAKEMAN'S (STORMFIELD'S) VISIT TO HEAVEN (San Francisco),

published Harper's Magazine, December, 1907-January, 1908 (also book,

Harpers).

Lectured in California and Nevada on the "Holy Land," July 2.

S'CAT! Anonymous article on T. K. Beecher (Elmira), published in local

paper.

Lecture-tour, season 1868-69.

1869.

(See Chapters lxx to lxxni.)

THE INNOCENTS ABROAD—book (Am. Pub. Co.), July 20. U. E.

Bought one-third ownership in the Buffalo Express.

Contributed editorials, sketches, etc., to the Express.

Contributed sketches to Packard's Monthly, Wood's Magazine, etc.

Lecture-tour, season 1869-70.

1870.

(See Chapters lxxiv to lxxx; also Appendix J.)

Contributed various matter to Buffalo Express.

Contributed various matter under general head of "MEMORANDA" to Galaxy

Magazine, May to April, '7I.

ROUGHING IT begun in September (Buffalo).

SHEM'S DIARY (Buffalo) (unfinished).

GOD, ANCIENT AND MODERN (unpublished).

1871.

(See Chapters lxxxi and lxxxii; also Appendix K.)

MEMORANDA continued in Galaxy to April.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY AND FIRST ROMANCE —[THE FIRST ROMANCE had appeared in the

Express in x87o. Later included in SKETCHES.]—-booklet (Sheldon & Co.).

U. E.

ROUGHING IT finished (Quarry Farm).

Ruloff letter—Tribune.

Wrote several sketches and lectures (Quarry Farm).

Western play (unfinished).

Lecture-tour, season 1871-72.

1872.

(See Chapters lxxxiii to lxxxvii; also Appendix L.)

ROUGHING IT—book (Am. Pub. Co.), February. U. E.

THE MARK TWAIN SCRAP-BOOK invented (Saybrook, Connecticut).

TOM SAWYER begun as a play (Saybrook, Connecticut).

A few unimportant sketches published in "Practical jokes," etc.

Began a book on England (London).

1873.

(See Chapters lxxxviii to xcii.)

Letters on the Sandwich Islands-Tribune, January 3 and 6.

THE GILDED AGE (with C. D. Warner)—book (Am. Pub. Co), December. U. E.

THE LICENSE OF THE PRESS—paper for The Monday Evening Club.

Lectured in London, October 18 and season 1873-74.

1874.

(See Chapters xciii to xcviii; also Appendix M.)

TOM SAWYER continued (in the new study at Quarry Farm).

A TRUE STORY (Quarry Farm)-Atlantic, November. U. E.

FABLES (Quarry Farm). U. E.

COLONEL SELLERS—play (Quarry Farm) performed by John T. Raymond.

UNDERTAKER'S LOVE-STORY (Quarry Farm) (unpublished).

OLD TIMES ON THE MISSISSIPPI (Hartford) Atlantic, January to July, 1875.

Monarchy letter to Mrs. Clemens, dated 1935 (Boston).

1875.

(See Chapters c to civ; also Appendix N.)

UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE—paper for The Monday Evening Club.

SKETCHES NEW AND OLD—book (Am. Pub. Co.), July. U. E.

TOM SAWYER concluded (Hartford).

THE CURIOUS REP. OF GONDOUR—Atlantic, October (unsigned).

PUNCH, CONDUCTOR, PUNCH—Atlantic, February, 1876. U. E.

THE SECOND ADVENT (unfinished).

THE MYSTERIOUS CHAMBER (unfinished).

AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A DAMN FOOL (unfinished).

Petition for International Copyright.

1876.

(See Chapters cvi to cx.)

Performed in THE LOAN OF THE LOVER as Peter Spuyk (Hartford).

CARNIVAL OF CRIME—paper for The Monday Evening Club—Atlantic, June.

U. E.

HUCK FINN begun (Quarry Farm).

CANVASSER'S STORY (Quarry Farm)—Atlantic, December. U. E.

"1601" (Quarry Farm), privately printed. [And not approved by Livy. D.W.]

AH SIN (with Bret Harte)—play, (Hartford).

TOM SAWYER—book (Am. Pub. Co.), December. U. E.

Speech on "The Weather," New England Society, December 22.

1877.

(See Chapters cxii to cxv; also Appendix O.)

LOVES OF ALONZO FITZ-CLARENCE, ETC. (Quarry Farm)—Atlantic.

IDLE EXCURSION (Quarry Farm)—Atlantic, October, November, December.

U. E.

SIMON WHEELER, DETECTIVE—play (Quarry Farm) (not produced).

PRINCE AND PAUPER begun (Quarry Farm).

Whittier birthday speech (Boston), December.

1878.

(See Chapters cxvii to cxx.)

MAGNANIMOUS INCIDENT (Hartford)—Atlantic, May. U. E.

A TRAMP ABROAD (Heidelberg and Munich).

MENTAL TELEGRAPHY—Harper's Magazine, December, 1891. U. E.

GAMBETTA DUEL—Atlantic, February, 1879 (included in TRAMP). U. E.

REV. IN PITCAIRN—Atlantic, March, 1879. U. E.

STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT—book (Osgood & Co.), 1882. U. E.

(The three items last named were all originally a part of the TRAMP

ABROAD.)

1879.

(See Chapters cxxi to cxxiv; also Chapter cxxxiv and Appendix P.)

A TRAMP ABROAD continued (Paris, Elmira, and Hartford).

Adam monument scheme (Elmira).

Speech on "The Babies" (Grant dinner, Chicago), November.

Speech on "Plagiarism" (Holmes breakfast, Boston), December.

1880.

(See Chapters cxxv to cxxxii.)

PRINCE AND PAUPER concluded (Hartford and Elmira).

HUCK FINN continued (Quarry Farm, Elmira).

A CAT STORY (Quarry Farm) (unpublished).

A TRAMP ABROAD—book (Am. Pub. Co.), March 13. U. E.

EDWARD MILLS AND GEO. BENTON (Hartford)—Atlantic, August. U. E.

MRS. McWILLIAMS AND THE LIGHTNING (Hartford)—Atlantic, September. U. E.

1881.

(See Chapters cxxxiv to cxxxvii.)

A CURIOUS EXPERIENCE—Century, November. U. E.

A BIOGRAPHY OF ——- (unfinished).

PRINCE AND PAUPER—book (Osgood R; CO.), December.

BURLESQUE ETIQUETTE (unfinished). [Included in LETTERS FROM THE EARTH

D.W.]

1882.

(See Chapters cxl and cxli.)

LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI (Elmira and Hartford).

1883. (See Chapters cxlii to cxlviii.)

LIFE ON THE Mississippi—book (Osgood R CO.), May. U. E. WHAT Is HAPPINESS?—paper for The Monday Evening Club. Introduction to Portuguese conversation book (Hartford). HUCK FINN concluded (Quarry Farm). HISTORY GAME (Quarry Farm). AMERICAN CLAIMANT (with W. D. Howells)—play (Hartford), produced by A. P. Burbank. Dramatized TOM SAWYER and PRINCE AND PAUPER (not produced).

1884.

(See Chapters cxlix to cliii.)

Embarked in publishing with Charles L. Webster.

THE CARSON FOOTPRINTS—the San Franciscan.

HUCK FINN—book (Charles L. Webster & Co.), December. U. E.

Platform-readings with George W. Cable, season '84-'85.

1885.

(See Chapters cliv to clvii.)

Contracted for General Grant's Memoirs.

A CAMPAIGN THAT FAILED—Century, December. U. E.

THE UNIVERSAL TINKER—Century, December (open letter signed X. Y. Z.

Letter on the government of children—Christian Union.

KIDITCHIN (children's poem).

1886.

(See Chapters clix to clxi; also Appendix Q.)

Introduced Henry M. Stanley (Boston).

CONNECTICUT YANKEE begun (Hartford).

ENGLISH AS SHE IS TAUGHT—Century, April, 1887.

LUCK—Harper's, August, 1891.

GENERAL GRANT AND MATTHEW ARNOLD—Army and Navy dinner speech.

1887.

(See Chapters clxii to clxiv; also Appendix R.)

MEISTERSCHAFT—play (Hartford)-Century, January, 1888. U. E.

KNIGHTS OF LABOR—essay (not published).

To THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND—Harper's Magazine, December. U. E.

CONSISTENCY—paper for The Monday Evening Club.

1888.

(See Chapters clxv to clxviii.)

Introductory for "Unsent Letters" (unpublished).

Master of Arts degree from Yale.

Yale Alumni address (unpublished).

Copyright controversy with Brander Matthews—Princeton Review.

Replies to Matthew Arnold's American criticisms (unpublished).

YANKEE continued (Elmira and Hartford).

Introduction of Nye and Riley (Boston).

1889.

(See Chapters clxix to clxxiii; also Appendix S.)

A MAJESTIC LITERARY FOSSIL Harper's Magazine, February, 1890. U. E.

HUCK AND TOM AMONG THE INDIANS (unfinished).

Introduction to YANKEE (not used).

LETTER To ELSIE LESLIE—St Nicholas, February, 1890.

CONNECTICUT YANKEE—book (Webster & Co.), December. U. E.

1890.

(See Chapters clxxii to clxxiv.)

Letter to Andrew Lang about English Criticism. (No important literary matters this year. Mark Twain engaged promoting the Paige typesetting-machine.)

1891.

(See Chapters clxxv to clxxvii.)

AMERICAN CLAIMANT (Hartford) syndicated; also book (Webster & Co.), May,

1892. U. E.

European letters to New York Sun.

DOWN THE RHONE (unfinished).

KORNERSTRASSE (unpublished).

1892.

(See Chapters clxxx to clxxxii.)

THE GERMAN CHICAGO (Berlin—Sun. U. E.

ALL KINDS OF SHIPS (at sea). U. E.

Tom SAWYER ABROAD (Nauheim)—St. Nicholas, November, '93, to April, '94.

U. E.

THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS (Nauheim). U. E.

PUDD'NHEAD WILSON (Nauheim and Florence)—Century, December, '93, to

June, '94 U. E.

$100,000 BANK-NOTE (Florence)—Century, January, '93. U. E.

1893.

(See Chapters clxxxiii to clxxxvii.)

JOAN OF ARC begun (at Villa Viviani, Florence) and completed up to the

raising of the Siege of Orleans.

CALIFORNIAN'S TALE (Florence) Liber Scriptorum, also Harper's.

ADAM'S DIARY (Florence)—Niagara Book, also Harper's.

ESQUIMAU MAIDEN'S ROMANCE—Cosmopolitan, November. U. E.

IS HE LIVING OR IS HE DEAD?—Cosmopolitan, September. U. E.

TRAVELING WITH A REFORMER—Cosmopolitan, December. U. E.

IN DEFENSE OF HARRIET SHELLEY (Florence)—N. A.-Rev., July, '94. U. E.

FENIMORE COOPER'S LITERARY OFFENSES —[This may not have been written

until early in 1894.]— (Players, New York)—N. A. Rev., July,'95 U. E.

1894.

(See Chapters clxxxviii to cxc.)

JOAN OF ARC continued (Etretat and Paris).

WHAT PAUL BOURGET THINKS OF US (Etretat)—N. A. Rev., January, '95 U. E.

TOM SAWYER ABROAD—book (Webster & Co.), April. U. E.

PUDD'NHEAD WILSON—book (Am. Pub. Co.), November. U. E.

The failure of Charles L. Webster & Co., April 18.

THE DERELICT—poem (Paris) (unpublished).

1895.

(See Chapters clxxxix and cxcii.)

JOAN OF ARC finished (Paris), January 28, Harper's Magazine, April to

December.

MENTAL TELEGRAPHY AGAIN—Harper's, September. U. E.

A LITTLE NOTE TO PAUL BOURGET. U. E.

Poem to Mrs. Beecher (Elmira) (not published). U. E.

Lecture-tour around the world, begun at Elmira, July 14, ended July 31.

1896.

(See Chapters cxci to cxciv.)

JOAN OF ARC—book (Harpers) May. U. E.

TOM SAWYER, DETECTIVE, and other stories-book (Harpers), November.

FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR begun (23 Tedworth Square, London).

1897.

(See Chapters cxcvii to cxcix.)

FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR—book (Am. Pub. Co.), November.

QUEEN'S JUBILEE (London), newspaper syndicate; book privately printed.

JAMES HAMMOND TRUMBULL—Century, November.

WHICH WAS WHICH? (London and Switzerland) (unfinished).

TOM AND HUCK (Switzerland) (unfinished).

HELLFIRE HOTCHKISS (Switzerland) (unfinished).

IN MEMORIAM—poem (Switzerland)-Harper's Magazine. U. E.

Concordia Club speech (Vienna).

STIRRING TIMES IN AUSTRIA (Vienna)—Harper's Magazine, March, 1898. U. E.

1898.

(See Chapters cc to cciii; also Appendix T.)

THE AUSTRIAN EDISON KEEPING SCHOOL AGAIN (Vienna)Century, August. U. E.

AT THE APPETITE CURE (Vienna)—Cosmopolitan, August. U. E.

FROM THE LONDON TIMES, 1904 (Vienna)—Century, November. U. E.

ABOUT PLAY-ACTING (Vienna)—Forum, October. U. E.

CONCERNING THE JEWS (Vienna)—Harper's Magazine, September, '99. U. E.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE AND MRS. EDDY (Vienna)—Cosmopolitan, October. U. E.

THE MAN THAT CORRUPTED HADLEYBURG (Vienna)—Harper's Magazine, December,

'99 U. E.

Autobiographical chapters (Vienna); some of them used in the N. A. Rev.,

1906-07.

WHAT IS MAN? (Kaltenleutgeben)—book (privately printed), August, 1906.

ASSASSINATION OF AN EMPRESS (Kaltenleutgeben) (unpublished).

THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER (unfinished).

Translations of German plays (unproduced).

1899.

(See Chapters cciv to ccviii.)

DIPLOMATIC PAY AND CLOTHES (Vienna)—Forum, March. U. E.

MY LITERARY DEBUT (Vienna)—Century, December. U. E.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE (Vienna)—N. A. Rev., December, 1902, January and

February, 1903.

Translated German plays (Vienna) (unproduced).

Collaborated with Siegmund Schlesinger on plays (Vienna) (unfinished).

Planned a postal-check scheme (Vienna).

Articles about the Kellgren treatment (Sanna, Sweden) (unpublished).

ST. JOAN OF ARC (London)—Harper's Magazine, December, 1904. U. E.

MY FIRST LIE, AND How I GOT OUT OF IT (London)—New York World. U. E.

Articles on South African War (London) (unpublished)

Uniform Edition of Mark Twain's works (Am. Pub. Co.).

1900.

(See Chapters ccix to ccxii.)

TWO LITTLE TALES (London)—Century, November, 1901. U. E.

Spoke on "Copyright" before the House of Lords.

Delivered many speeches in London and New York.

1901.

(See Chapters ccxiii to ccxviii.)

TO THE PERSON SITTING IN DARKNESS (14 West Tenth Street, New York)—

N. A. Rev., February.

TO MY MISSIONARY CRITICS (14 West Tenth Street, New York)—N. A. Rev.,

April.

DOUBLE-BARREL DETECTIVE STORY (Saranac Lake, "The Lair") Harper's

Magazine, January and February, 1902.

Lincoln Birthday Speech, February 11.

Many other speeches.

PLAN FOR CASTING VOTE PARTY (Riverdale) (unpublished).

THE STUPENDOUS PROCESSION (Riverdale) (unpublished).

ANTE-MORTEM OBITUARIES—Harper's Weekly.

Received degree of Doctor of Letters from Yale.

1902.

(See Chapters ccxix to ccxxiv; also Appendix U.)

DOES THE RACE OF MAN LOVE A LORD? (Riverdale)—N. A. Rev., April. U. E.

FIVE BOONS of LIFE (Riverdale)—Harper's Weekly, July 5. U. E.

WHY NOT ABOLISH IT? (Riverdale)—Harper's Weekly, July 5.

DEFENSE OF GENERAL FUNSTON (Riverdale)—N. A. Rev., May.

IF I COULD BE THERE (Riverdale (unpublished).

Wrote various articles, unfinished or unpublished.

Received degree of LL.D. from the University of Missouri, June.

THE BELATED PASSPORT (York Harbor)—Harper's Weekly, December 6. U. E.

WAS IT HEAVEN? OR HELL? (York Harbor)—Harper's Magazine, December. U. E.

Poem (Riverdale and York Harbor) (unpublished)

Sixty-seventh Birthday speech (New York), November 27.

1903.

(See Chapters ccxxv to ccxxx.)

MRS. EDDY IN ERROR (Riverdale)—N. A. Rev., April.

INSTRUCTIONS IN ART (Riverdale)-Metropolitan, April and May.

EDDYPUS, and other C. S. articles (unfinished).

A DOG'S TALE (Elmira)—Harper's Magazine, December. U. E.

ITALIAN WITHOUT A MASTER (Florence)—Harper's Weekly, January 21, 1904.

U. E.

ITALIAN WITH GRAMMAR (Florence)—Harper's Magazine, August, U. E.

THE $30,000 BEQUEST (Florence)—Harper's Weekly, December 10, 1904. U. E.

1904.

(See Chapters ccxxx to ccxxxiv.)

AUTOBIOGRAPHY (Florence)—portions published, N. A. Rev. and Harper's

Weekly.

CONCERNING COPYRIGHT (Tyringham, Massachusetts)—N. A. Rev., January,

1905.

TSARS SOLILOQUY (21 Fifth Avenue, New York)—N. A. Rev., March, 1905.

ADAM'S DIARY—book (Harpers), April.

1905.

(See Chapters ccxxxiv to ccxxxvii; also Appendix V.)

LEOPOLD'S SOLILOQUY (21 Fifth Avenue, New York)—pamphlet, P. R. Warren

Company.

THE WAR PRAYER (21 Fifth Avenue, New York) (unpublished).

EVE'S DIARY (Dublin, New Hampshire)—Harper's Magazine, December.

3,000 YEARS AMONG THE MICROBES (unfinished).

INTERPRETING THE DEITY (Dublin New Hampshire) (unpublished).

A HORSE'S TALE (Dublin, New Hampshire)-Harper's Magazine,

August and September, i9o6.

Seventieth Birthday speech.

W. D. HOWELLS (21 Fifth Avenue, New York)-Harper's Magazine, July, 1906.

1906.

(See Chapters ccxxxix to ccli.)

Autobiography dictation (21 Fifth Avenue, New York; and Dublin, New

Hampshire)—selections published, N. A. Rev., 1906 and 1907.

Many speeches.

Farewell lecture, Carnegie Hall, April 19.

WHAT IS MAN?—book (privately printed).

Copyright speech (Washington), December.

1907.

(See Chapters cclvi to cclxiii.)

Autobiography dictations (27 Fifth Avenue, New York; and Tuxedo).

Degree of Doctor of Literature conferred by Oxford, June 26.

Made many London speeches.

Begum of Bengal speech (Liverpool).

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE—book (Harpers), February. U. E.

CAPTAIN STORMFIELD'S VISIT To HEAVEN—book (Harpers).

1908.

(See Chapters cclxiv to cclxx.)

Autobiography dictations (21 Fifth Avenue, New York; and Redding,

Connecticut).

Lotos Club and other speeches.

Aldrich memorial speech.

1909.

(See Chapters cclxxvi to cclxxxix; also Appendices N and W.)

IS SHAKESPEARE DEAD?—book (Harpers), April.

A FABLE—Harper's Magazine December.

Copyright documents (unpublished).

Address to St. Timothy School.

MARJORIE FLEMING (Stormfield—Harper's Bazar, December.

THE TURNING-POINT OF MY LIFE (Stormfield)—Harper's Bazar, February, 1910

BESSIE DIALOGUE (unpublished).

LETTERS FROM THE EARTH (unfinished).

THE DEATH OF JEAN—Harper's, December, 1910.

THE INTERNATIONAL LIGHTNING TRUST (unpublished).

1910.

(See Chapter ccxcii.)

VALENTINES TO HELEN AND OTHERS (not published).

ADVICE TO PAINE (not published).

*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that:

• You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”

• You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.

• You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.

• You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™

Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

Table of Contents

WIDGER'S QUOTATIONS

EDITOR'S NOTE

CONTENTS:

A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF MARK TWAIN'S WORK

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE