Pirates: A comedy in one act
Date: 2012-05-04T00:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Comedy plays; Gossip -- Drama; England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Drama

The Project Gutenberg eBook of Pirates: A comedy in one act

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Pirates: A comedy in one act

Author: Colin Clements

Release date: May 4, 2012 [eBook #39609]

Language: English

Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/39609

Credits: Produced by Mark C. Orton, Paul Clark and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PIRATES: A COMEDY IN ONE ACT ***

Transcriber's Note:

Every effort has been made to replicate this text as faithfully as possible, including inconsistencies in spelling and hyphenation.

Some changes of spelling and punctuation have been made. They are listed at the end of the text.

PIRATES

A COMEDY IN ONE ACT

BY

COLIN CAMPBELL CLEMENTS

Copyright, 1922, by Samuel French

Amateurs may perform this play without payment
of royalty. All other rights reserved.

New York
SAMUEL FRENCH
(Incorporated 1898)
Publisher

London
Samuel French, Ltd.
26 Southampton Street
Strand

PIRATES

CHARACTERS

Mrs. Warren
Betty
Mrs. Lawty
Mrs. Romney
Mrs. Pickering
Mrs. Lawer
Clara

The play takes place in Mrs. Warren's little living room during the early Victorian period. At the left is a door leading to another part of the house. A door at the back opens into the entrance hall. As the curtain rises, Mrs. Warren, seated in a large chair, is talking to her maid, Clara.

Mrs. Warren. Gossip is malicious, my dear girl, positively malicious. Doesn't the Bible say—(The knocker sounds.) There, isn't that the door? (Clara starts to go.) Oh, Clara, before you open the door, be sure and dust off the table in the hall and——

(Clara goes out. Mrs. Warren arranges her dress and the little lace cap on her head.)

Clara. (From the door) It's Mrs. Lawty, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Oh, the dear soul! Have her come right in—right in, Clara.

(Clara goes out. Mrs. Lawty enters.)

Mrs. Lawty. Good afternoon—good afternoon, Mrs. Warren.

Mrs. Warren. Good afternoon, my dear. Do sit down, Mrs. Lawty—do sit down.

Mrs. Lawty. Oh, thank you. I have just dropped in for a moment. I am on my way to the meeting of the "Helping Hand Society," and as I had to pass this way I just came in to see how you were. I hope I am not interrupting any work you may be doing, my dear.

Mrs. Warren. Oh, dear, no. I was just giving my maid a little lecture ... on gossip.

Mrs. Lawty. Gossip?

Mrs. Warren. It is so malicious.

Mrs. Lawty. Positively unladylike! One could almost compare a lady who gossips to a ... to a pirate.

Mrs. Warren. A what, Mrs. Lawty?

Mrs. Lawty. A pirate. They are sort of wild thieves, you know, and steal things from perfectly innocent people, Mrs. Warren. The South Sea Islands are full of them ... pirates, I mean. Why, I read in our missionary paper, just last week, that one poor man was overtaken by pirates who took away his watch and, I hesitate to say it, his trousers!

Mrs. Warren. His trousers! Dreadful!

Mrs. Lawty. The rest of the story is too indelicate to repeat.

Mrs. Warren. Yes ... yes, some things are often better left unsaid. (Pause.) But one need never be ashamed to speak the truth. What is the rest of the story, Mrs. Lawty?

Mrs. Lawty. The poor man was forced to come into port with a bad cold in his head ... and in his pajamas!

Mrs. Warren. Oh!

Mrs. Lawty. And that is why I call a woman who gossips a pirate.

Mrs. Warren. Yes ... yes. Though one can hardly think of any woman unlawfully taking a poor gentleman's trousers.

Mrs. Lawty. Hardly. But to steal one's good name is to take one's cloak of righteousness, so to speak. And, oh, my dear, few people can face the world without it. The soul is so much more important than the body.

Mrs. Warren. One should keep both properly clothed.

Mrs. Lawty. Yes ... though on the South Sea Islands the people wear nothing but grass skirts.

Mrs. Warren. One could hardly do that in England.

Mrs. Lawty. Oh, but the people there, in the South Seas, are like little children ... pure of mind. And so it is one of the very first rules of the "Helping Hand Society" that no gossip shall pass our lips.

Mrs. Warren. Such a worthy organization. I am sure the ladies of Northampton are doing a noble work.

Mrs. Lawty. Oh, yes, indeed, Mrs. Warren. Why, only last week we sent off a large box of soap to the natives of East Africa and now we are getting a box of napkins and tablecloths ready. We are doing such splendid work for our less fortunate brothers and sisters in a far land.

Mrs. Warren. Brothers and sisters! One hardly feels that way toward them, Mrs. Lawty. I am told they are quite black.

Mrs. Lawty. Nevertheless they are Gaud's creatures.

Mrs. Warren. My dear, I shall have Clara make you a hot cup of tea. It will rest you. (She calls) Clara ... Clara!

Mrs. Lawty. Oh, no, thank you ... really. I mustn't stop. I always like to get to the society meetings early ... otherwise one misses so much that is interesting. (She rises.)

(Clara appears.)

Mrs. Warren. Never mind, Clara. (Clara starts to go.) Oh, Clara, Clara——

Clara. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Clara, will you put the water on to boil? And make the tea rather strong ... but not too strong ... just so.

Clara. Yes, ma'am. (She goes out.)

Mrs. Lawty. By the way, have you met the new doctor and his wife, Mrs. Warren?

Mrs. Warren. Yes, I have called on Mrs. Hunter.

Mrs. Lawty. (She sits down again) Oh, really? How interesting.

Mrs. Warren. But, of course, Betty knows both of them. I must call on Mrs. Hunter again. But I get out so seldom now ... so seldom. I am so afraid to walk on the new ... pavement, I believe they call it. Betty is very fond of them both ... the Hunters, I mean.

Mrs. Lawty. Quite ... though Mrs. Romney told Mrs. Pickering who told me that the Hunters did not get along well together. It seems she is a Church of England woman while the doctor is the son of a Scotch Presbyterian, so of course——

Mrs. Warren. Though I believe they have been married all of five or six years.

Mrs. Lawty. Oh, really, I did not know that. How interesting! I must tell Mrs. Romney. But Mrs. Lawer told me that the doctor calls Mrs. Hunter "Dearest" ... in public!

Mrs. Warren. Such poor taste.

Mrs. Lawty. I always suspect a man who is over-demonstrative ... in public.

Mrs. Warren. But of course one——

(Betty comes running in, her arms full of daisies.)

Betty. Mother dear—— Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Lawty. See the wonderful flowers Doctor Hunter just gave me.

Mrs. Warren. Doctor Hunter gave you those?

Mrs. Lawty. Doctor Hunter!

Betty. Yes, his garden is full of them! Aren't they beauties?

Mrs. Warren. But you hardly know him well enough to——

Betty. You see we are getting acquainted. He was on his way to see Mrs. Hallway and——

Mrs. Lawty. Is she ill again?

Betty. Rheumatism ... not really serious.

Mrs. Lawty. Oh, really?

Betty. And as the doctor was coming this way, he walked to the gate with me ... we had a lovely chat. Doctor Hunter is such an interesting conversationalist.

Mrs. Lawty. (Coldly) Walking! Hasn't he a carriage?

Betty. Oh, yes, but it is such a wonderful day for walking.

Mrs. Lawty. I daresay that all depends upon with whom one is walking.

Mrs. Warren. Betty, you don't really mean to tell me that you walked ... walked down a public highway with a strange man!

Betty. Why, Mother, he isn't a strange man. I know both Doctor and Mrs. Hunter.

Mrs. Warren. But such a short acquaintance ... and to be walking with him ... walking with him in broad daylight.

Betty. What would you have me do? Walk with him after dark?

Mrs. Warren. Oh!

Mrs. Lawty. (When she recovers her breath) I—I really must be going, Mrs. Warren. I must not be late to the meeting, you know. (She pauses.) And perhaps you would rather be alone with your daughter at this time. (She rises.) Good afternoon, Mrs. Warren. Good afternoon.

Mrs. Warren. Good afternoon, Mrs. Lawty.

Betty. Good-bye.

(Mrs. Lawty goes out. Mrs. Warren waits until the front door slams before she speaks.)

Mrs. Warren. (Much concerned) Betty, how could you?

Betty. But, Mother——

Mrs. Warren. Walking with a man, a man who is married and not on the best terms with his wife, accepting flowers from him, a Presbyterian, unchaperoned. Oh! It is so unbecoming ... so—so unladylike, not to say indiscreet. Oh! Why, when I was a girl——

Betty. I know. (She goes close to her mother.) But things have changed so since then, dear.

Mrs. Warren. Not in Northampton, thank heaven. Here, at least, we still keep some of the old propriety. Oh, Betty, this bold indiscretion of yours would have killed your poor, dear father!

Betty. (Turning away) Perhaps that's what did ... too much propriety.

Mrs. Warren. Did you say something, Betty?

Betty. I am sorry, dear ... truly sorry if I have caused you any anxiety.

Mrs. Warren. We must cultivate the doctor's wife at once. There must be no room for gossip among the ladies of Northampton.

Betty. Cultivate Mrs. Hunter? Oh, I would love to. She is a delightful person. Don't you like her, Mother?

Mrs. Warren. She seems very nice, but, of course, one must be very careful about strangers.

Betty. She is very fond of outdoor life, and all that sort of thing. Oh, she is a regular sport!

Mrs. Warren. Betty! Let me never hear such a remark from you again. Sport! Am I to understand, then ... am I to understand that Mrs. Hunter is one of those dreadful mannish sort of persons who—— (The knocker sounds.) Oh, dear me! I wonder who that can be?

Betty. If you don't mind, Mother, I shall go up to my room. I want to do a water-color sketch of these flowers while they are still fresh.

Mrs. Warren. Stop here a bit, Betty.

(Clara enters from the hall.)

Clara. It is Mrs. Romney, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Oh, do have her come right in, Clara ... and Clara, serve the tea at once. (Clara goes out.) Mrs. Romney—oh, dear ... such a bombastic sort of a person, so to speak.

Betty. She was educated in London, you know.

Mrs. Warren. Yes, poor dear, she has so much to live down. It must be dreadful to have been educated in London ... such a naughty place. Think of the dreadful environment, my dear, London!

(Mrs. Romney enters.)

Mrs. Romney. Good afternoon, Mrs. Warren. How do you do, Betty, dear?

Mrs. Warren. Do sit down, Mrs. Romney.

Mrs. Romney. Did I hear you speaking of London as I came in, Mrs. Warren?

Mrs. Warren. London? Speaking of London? Were we speaking of London, Betty? Yes, I believe I did say——

Mrs. Romney. Dear old London ... how I long for it!

Mrs. Warren. But my dear Mrs. Romney, London surely hasn't the ... the refinement of Northampton.

Mrs. Romney. Northampton! Ah! Why, this place is as far from the world as ... as the South Sea Islands!

Mrs. Warren. Mrs. Romney, how—how can you even think such a thing? Why, in the South Sea Islands, I am told, the people wear nothing but straw skirts ... and pirates, pirates take things—unmentionable things from innocent travelers. One could not accuse the people of Northampton of such things. Even our shop-keepers are gentlemen compared to those dreadful people who live in the South Seas.

Mrs. Romney. The people of the South Sea Islands are at least—interesting.

Mrs. Warren. Perfect savages!

Mrs. Romney. But, my dear, all our forefathers were savages, you know ... hitting each other over the head with clubs, hanging from palm trees by their tails, and all that sort of thing.

Mrs. Warren. Oh, dear!

Mrs. Romney. And the longer I live in Northampton, my dear, the more I'm convinced that it wasn't so very many generations ago, either.

Mrs. Warren. Oh ... oh ... oh! Betty, you may go! You will excuse the dear child, I am sure. She has duties to perform which——

Mrs. Romney. Oh, yes, certainly.

Betty. (She rises and collects her flowers) Good afternoon, Mrs. Romney. Shall I see you at Mrs. Hunter's tea Thursday?

Mrs. Romney. Yes, dear, charmed.

Betty. Good-bye.

(Mrs. Romney bows. Betty goes out left. Clara enters with the tea things.)

Mrs. Warren. You will have a cup of tea, Mrs. Romney?

Mrs. Romney. Yes, thank you so much. So refreshing, nothing like tea for nerves, is there, really? Half a cup ... I have just come from Mrs. Hunter's. Both cream and sugar, yes, thank you so much. Such a charming lady, Mrs. Hunter ... perfectly charming, my dear, perfectly charming. So witty, so clever, so vivacious ... but dreadfully jealous.

Mrs. Warren. Jealous? Jealous of whom?

Mrs. Romney. She is very fond of her husband.

Mrs. Warren. (Nervously) Of whom ... of whom is she jealous?

Mrs. Romney. No one in particular, at present, I think.

Mrs. Warren. (With a sigh of relief) Oh——

Mrs. Romney. That is ... oh, is there any cause for her being jealous of any particular person, Mrs. Warren?

Mrs. Warren. (Choking on her tea) Eh? No ... no ... not that I know of.

Mrs. Romney. How uninteresting. The doctor is such a charming gentleman. Dear me, I do hope I will have another attack of indigestion, or something of that sort soon. I am sure Doctor Hunter would be such a splendid physician ... he is so good looking. (She puts down her teacup.) Dear me, I must be going. I am on my way to the meeting of the "Helping Hand Society" and——

Mrs. Warren. Yes, Mrs. Lawty has just gone. She dropped in to see me for a moment.

Mrs. Romney. Mrs. Lawty ... that one? I'm not speaking to her.

Mrs. Warren. Oh, dear, you ... you don't really mean you have quarrelled? So unladylike.

Mrs. Romney. Ladylike ... ladylike? Ladylike be damned!

Mrs. Warren. (Almost jumping out of her chair) Mrs. Romney!

Mrs. Romney. Mrs. Warren, I beg your pardon. I forgot, for a moment, to whom I was speaking.

Mrs. Warren. That was quite evident.

Mrs. Romney. Quite. But you see, Mrs. Lawty told Mrs. Pickering, who told Mrs. Lawer, who told Lady Bloshire, whose maid told my maid, that Mrs. Lawty said that I dyed my hair ... dyed my hair!

Mrs. Warren. Really?

Mrs. Romney. I've never dyed my hair. The impertinent gossip. The——

Mrs. Warren. (Quickly) Do have another cup of tea, Mrs. Romney. It is so soothing.

Mrs. Romney. Oh, thank you. Just a little sugar, please, and no cream.

Mrs. Warren. (Giving her the tea) There, my dear.

Mrs. Romney. Lovely color, isn't it?

Mrs. Warren. Yes, isn't it? Mr. Warren, dear man, once told me that the natives of India use tea for dyeing.

Mrs. Romney. Hair?

Mrs. Warren. No ... no ... cloth, I believe, cloth.

Mrs. Romney. Oh, how interesting!

Mrs. Warren. I believe they use the henna berry for dyeing hair in the East. I am told it gives a beautiful soft auburn shade.

Mrs. Romney. How interesting. Does one procure it from one's pharmacist?

Mrs. Warren. Eh? Oh, yes, I believe so.

Mrs. Romney. I must try it on my hair—oh, dear, I mean——

Mrs. Warren. What did you say, Mrs. Romney?

Mrs. Romney. I said—I really must be going, my dear. One never seems to realize how fast the time goes when one talks with you. Our little visit has been most interesting ... and most instructive. I do want to stop in for a moment and see Mrs. Hallway before I go to the meeting of the "Helping Hand." Her rheumatism is worse again, poor dear.

Mrs. Warren. Yes, so I heard. I'm so sorry.

Mrs. Romney. Oh, it is not at all serious, just a touch, I believe. Of course she did call in Doctor Hunter. But I really believe it was simply to get acquainted with him more than anything else. (She starts.) Do drop in and see me when you can. Good afternoon, Mrs. Warren. (She goes out.)

(Clara enters.)

Clara. Shall I take away the tea things, ma'am?

Mrs. Warren. No ... no, not just yet, Clara. Someone else may drop in, you know, and perhaps Betty would like a cup of tea.

Clara. Shall I call her, ma'am?

Mrs. Warren. Yes, I believe you had bet—— (The knocker sounds.) There, there, see who that is, Clara.

(Clara goes into the hall. She returns immediately.)

Clara. It's Mrs. Pickering, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Have her come right in, Clara.

Clara. Shall I call Miss Betty, ma'am?

Mrs. Warren. Yes, do have her come down and have a cup of tea.

(Clara goes out. Mrs. Pickering enters.)

Mrs. Pickering. How do you do, Mrs. Warren?

Mrs. Warren. Oh, good afternoon. Do sit down, Mrs. Pickering.

Mrs. Pickering. Oh ... my dear Mrs. Warren, I am so glad to see you looking so well. I thought perhaps—of course there is much sickness in Northampton now. (She sits down.) Much sickness. (Pause.) I just met Mrs. Lawty and she told me that Mrs. Hallway is almost dead with rheumatism ... almost dead. In fact, I think they hardly expect her to live much longer. Of course, Mrs. Lawty didn't say so, but I implied as much from the tone of her voice.

Mrs. Warren. I heard it was nothing really serious.

Mrs. Pickering. Oh, dear, yes ... very serious. I just had it from Mrs. Lawty, who had it from ... from ... from a most reliable source. Rheumatism is such a painful death, too. Oh, dear, poor soul ... poor soul! (Mrs. Warren hands her a cup of tea.) Thank you so much.

Mrs. Warren. I believe the new Doctor Hunter is attending her.

Mrs. Pickering. Yes, isn't it too bad? Mrs. Lawty tells me he is a conversationalist, or something dreadful of that sort. But of course he was educated in London ... and, my dear, London's standard of morals is not the same as Northampton's. I was also told that he treats his wife very badly in public, my dear, in public.

Mrs. Warren. You mean——

Mrs. Pickering. My dear Mrs. Warren, I am very sorry to tell you ... but I feel that it is my duty, as wife of your pastor ... to tell you that your daughter Betty has been seen very often,—that is, at least once—walking with this Doctor Hunter. Also, my dear Mrs. Warren, she accepts presents from him ... flowers and that sort of thing.

Mrs. Warren. Why, Betty hardly knows him!

Mrs. Pickering. That is just it. She hardly knows him ... nor do any of us. Also remember he is a married man, my dear Mrs. Warren, and very good looking ... and I really believe all good-looking people are bad, thoroughly bad.

Mrs. Warren. I can't believe that Betty——

Mrs. Pickering. Naturally, my dear, naturally; you are her mother and wish to shield her. But I felt that it was, as I said before, my duty to tell you all I know of the facts of the whole matter.

Mrs. Warren. You quite alarm me, Mrs. Pickering.

Mrs. Pickering. Young girls, nowadays, are sometimes ... I might say, sometimes indiscreet.

Mrs. Warren. Oh!

Mrs. Pickering. My dear, men are strange beings. Oh, the poor souls that have been lured to their destruction by men. I am always reminded of that beautiful passage in Genesis which says that woman was made after man. And isn't it our dear Mr. Browning who says, "Second thoughts are always best"? (She puts down her teacup.) There, now, I really must be going, Mrs. Warren. I am on my way to the meeting of the "Helping Hand Society" and I really mustn't be too late. I hope I have not overly alarmed you, Mrs. Warren, but as one of your oldest friends and as the wife of your pastor I feel that I must always do my duty, no matter how painful, when the way lies open before me. I sincerely hope you will not feel that I have been ... been peremptory, so to speak, Mrs. Warren.

Mrs. Warren. No ... no. It is very kind of you to come to me in this sad moment of trouble.

Mrs. Pickering. (Rising) I do hope you will be able to attend the services to-morrow morning. Mr. Pickering has written a beautiful sermon on the evils of gossip ... a beautiful sermon. I feel that it is the best thing he has written in all the forty years of his righteous work. I am sure it will thunder down the ages as his masterpiece. The sentiment, the beautiful English, and even the punctuation ... are really marvelous. Of course, Mr. Pickering and I both realize that there is very little gossip in Northampton ... but it is best to know sin when one encounters it. Good afternoon, Mrs. Warren.

Mrs. Warren. (Weakly) Good afternoon.

(Mrs. Pickering goes out. Clara enters.)

Clara. I have brought the hot water, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Did you call Betty?

Clara. I knocked at her door, ma'am ... I knocked very loudly, ma'am, but got no answer.

Mrs. Warren. I am so distressed, Clara. See if she is in the garden. Yes, she must be in the garden. (Clara starts.) And Clara, do tell her to come in and see me at once. I want to talk to her. It is very important ... oh, most important that I see her at once. Clara. (The knocker sounds.) See who that can be, Clara. Oh, more dreadful news, I fear. (Clara goes into the hall. Mrs. Warren keeps mumbling to herself:) Most disconcerting ... most dreadfully disconcerting.

(Clara enters.)

Clara. It is Mrs. Lawer, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Eh? What? Who, did you say?

Clara. Mrs. Lawer, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Mrs. Lawer? Oh, do have her come right in, Clara.

(Clara goes out. Mrs. Lawer enters.)

Mrs. Lawer. Good afternoon, Mrs. Warren, good afternoon. (Breathlessly) How ill, how worried you are looking, Mrs. Warren. Oh, I am so sorry for you ... so very sorry. (She sits down.) I have just seen Mrs. Romney, who had just seen Mrs. Lawty, and had the dreadful news from her. I am so sorry, Mrs. Warren.

Mrs. Warren. But what——

Mrs. Lawer. But, of course, we who have known you for all these years will be as silent as the tomb ... you can depend upon us, lean upon us, call upon us. We shall comfort you and be your support in this hour of greatest need.

Mrs. Warren. Why ... why, what do you mean?

Mrs. Lawer. You really mean to say you do not know about Betty and Doctor Hunter? Oh, dear!

Mrs. Warren. But Betty did nothing so very, very improper.

Mrs. Lawer. Improper! Well, of course, we shall not blame poor Betty, she is still very young, but we do blame that wicked Doctor Hunter. Why, he is a married man, my dear ... and oldish. He should have known better.

Mrs. Warren. But Betty only walked with him.

Mrs. Lawer. Only walked with him? I was told that he sends flowers to Betty ... and flowers have secret meanings. To say the least, they are sentimental. And Mrs. Lawty told Mrs. Romney that she heard Betty say with her own lips that Doctor Hunter was a conversationalist. I believe that means a person with very free ideas about personal matters ... love, and that sort of thing.

Mrs. Warren. No, indeed ... it simply means that he is a very interesting talker.

Mrs. Lawer. That's just it, Mrs. Warren. What does he find so much to talk about? I have never met him, but from things I have heard I believe he must be a dreadful person. Most unwholesome, so to speak, to the society—the very refined society of Northampton, where for the last forty years we have all lived in such perfect peace and understanding.

Mrs. Warren. Oh, that this should have come upon me!

Mrs. Lawer. Your misfortune is our misfortune, Mrs. Warren. We shall do everything we can to keep this dreadful scandal——

Mrs. Warren. Scandal! Has it—has it gone as far as that?

Mrs. Lawer. Let us say, indiscretion. As I was saying, we shall keep it locked in our hearts, no word of it will ever reach foreign ears. Of course I really know very little of the whole affair, but I felt that my first duty was to come to you.

(Clara enters.)

Mrs. Warren. Yes, Clara?

Clara. I can't find her, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Oh, do find her, Clara. I must ... I must see her at once. (The knocker sounds.) Who can that be? Clara ... Clara, see who is at the door.

(Clara goes out.)

Mrs. Lawer. Oh, Mrs. Warren, trust me in everything ... are you sure Betty has always been what she seemed ... I mean——

Mrs. Warren. Mrs. Lawer, do you mean to say that Betty ... Betty Warren ... my daughter——

Mrs. Lawer. My dear, we must face the truth ... we must prepare ourselves for the worst ... we must——

(Clara enters.)

Clara. It's them "Helpin' Hand" ladies, if you please, ma'am. The lot of 'em.

Mrs. Warren. Bring them in, Clara ... have them come right in. Oh! Oh!

Mrs. Lawer. You must be calm, my dear ... perfectly calm.

(Mrs. Lawty, Mrs. Pickering, and Mrs. Romney enter from the hall.)

Mrs. Warren. Oh, my dear ladies. Do ... do be seated.

(They all sit down quietly. There is a long pause. Mrs. Pickering moves restlessly.)

Mrs. Pickering. Mrs. Warren, we have adjourned our meeting of the "Helping Hand" until next week in order to come to you ... the poor, dear natives of the South Sea Islands will have to wait another week for their napkins and tablecloths.

Mrs. Romney. A very short time ... considering they have not had such necessary luxuries for several centuries.

Mrs. Lawty. Still, it was with some feeling of ... of regret that we left our work of altruism unfinished, until next week.

Mrs. Pickering. But we feel that our first duty is at home. Yes, we all felt that our duty was toward you, Mrs. Warren, at present.

Mrs. Warren. Ladies, I am overcome with your kindness.

Mrs. Pickering. We shall now consider ... consider ways and means of—of helping you, Mrs. Warren, out of this unspeakable—or, let us say, embarrassing situation.

Mrs. Lawty. Let us rather call it ... unfortunate situation.

Mrs. Romney. No matter what we call it ... let us get on——

Mrs. Pickering. The facts are these: Mrs. Lawty tells us she heard Betty, with her own ears, openly say that the man under consideration, Doctor Hunter, was a revolutionist and——

Mrs. Lawty. I said conversationalist. Though he probably is both.

Mrs. Romney. I think she must have meant conventionalist.

Mrs. Pickering. Nevertheless, one is as bad as the other. They all go hand in hand.

Mrs. Warren. But I believe Betty only said he was a good conversationalist and——

Mrs. Lawty. Anyway, she said he talked a lot about it.

Mrs. Pickering. I fear it must be one of those dreadful, sinful new religions one hears so much of nowadays.

Mrs. Warren. Oh!

Mrs. Lawty. Also, we understand from very reliable sources that Mrs. Hunter is never seen with her husband in public.

Mrs. Pickering. And that he calls her dreadful names.

Mrs. Lawty. Most suspicious!

Mrs. Romney. Oh, I don't believe a word of it.

Mrs. Lawty. Believe it or not, Mrs. Romney ... my information is most reliable.

Mrs. Warren. Is there any way, ladies, of overcoming this situation, I mean——

Mrs. Romney. You might call on Mrs. Hunter to-morrow, Mrs. Warren.

Mrs. Lawty. Never!

Mrs. Lawer. You might write her a very formal letter, very formal, my dear, asking her to call.

Mrs. Pickering. Ask Mrs. Hunter to come here? I think she would never set her foot in the house.

Mrs. Lawer. At any rate, we must do something at once before——

Mrs. Lawty. Before they elope.

Ladies. (They all begin to talk at once) Before it is too late. Oh! Ah! But do you really think—I never thought of that. Poor Mrs. Warren! Do you suppose that Mrs. Hunter—— Oh! Etc.

Mrs. Warren. Ladies! Ladies! Do you really think Betty would——

Mrs. Lawty. One never knows what to think!

Mrs. Warren. Clara! Clara!

(Clara enters from the hall. She holds a letter in her hand.)

Clara. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Did you find Betty?

Clara. I went to her room again, ma'am, but she did not seem to be in and she is nowhere in the garden.

Mrs. Pickering. Not in her room! Not in the garden!

Mrs. Warren. You mean, Clara, she is nowhere to be found? Clara, was her room disturbed ... I mean, did it look as if ... as if ... as if she might have left hurriedly?

Clara. Why, I didn't go in, ma'am. The door was locked.

Mrs. Warren. Locked?

Ladies. (Looking at each other knowingly) Locked!

Clara. Here is a note, ma'am. It was just left by Doctor Hunter's boy, ma'am.

Mrs. Pickering. A letter!

Mrs. Romney. From Doctor Hunter!

Mrs. Lawty. Perhaps they have eloped!

(The ladies jump to their feet.)

Mrs. Lawer. And her room locked ... she must have gone through the window!

Ladies. Gone!

Mrs. Warren. (Who has been too busy looking for her spectacles to notice what has been going on about her) Why, it is a letter for—— (She looks up.) Ladies, what is the matter? What has happened? Why are you all so excited?

Mrs. Lawty. Don't you understand? It is a letter from Doctor Hunter saying they have eloped!

Mrs. Warren. (Sinking deep into her chair) Oh!

(Betty appears in the door at left.)

Betty. Ladies.

Mrs. Warren. (Waving the letter weakly) Betty! Betty! Betty!

Betty. Mother!

Mrs. Warren. (Looking up) Betty ... Betty, is that you?

Ladies. Oh!

Betty. Why are you all so—excited? Mother, what is it?

Ladies. Oh! (They all sit down again.)

Mrs. Warren. Then you—then you—— Oh, where have you been?

Betty. Why, just taking a little nap, Mother. Really, I didn't know the ladies were here or I should have come right down.

Mrs. Warren. Then you haven't ... you haven't eloped?

Betty. Why, Mother dear, what do you mean?

Mrs. Warren. These ladies said—said——

(The ladies all begin to talk at once.)

Mrs. Lawty. You see, Betty dear, Mrs. Pickering told Mrs. Romney, who told me that——

Mrs. Romney. I didn't! Nothing of the sort, Betty! It was you yourself, Mrs. Lawty, who told Mrs. Pickering, who told——

Mrs. Pickering. Me? I had nothing at all to do with it ... nothing at all. I only know that Mrs. Lawer said——

Mrs. Lawer. I said? I said nothing. It was Mrs. Lawty, who told Mrs. Pickering, who told Mrs. Romney—oh, dear me, I mean——

Mrs. Romney. It's a damn lie!

Ladies. (They all gasp for breath; all begin to talk at once) I heard that Doctor Hunter—You told me that he treated his wife shamefully—No, I said—Flowers, he sent her flowers every morning—You told Mrs. Pickering that he was a conversationalist—She said a revolutionist—I said—You said—And then she said—Anyway, I do not believe he is a safe person. But very good looking, my dear. Etc.

Betty. Oh, dear ... what is it all about?

Mrs. Romney. You, my dear, you.

Betty. Me?

Mrs. Romney. These ladies said that you——

Mrs. Lawty. These ladies!

Ladies. (They all begin to talk at once again) Why, it was she herself who said—I had nothing to do with it at all—All I know about the whole affair is that—The impertinence of her saying—I didn't say a word about—— Etc.

Mrs. Warren. It was all of them ... every one of them. They said you had—oh, dear, I just can't say it! They came here to tell me you had eloped with ... with a married man ... with Doctor Hunter!

Betty. Ladies! Mother! How dare you! (She runs to her mother.) How dare you say such a thing! (To her mother) My poor, dear Mother!

Mrs. Warren. And it is so untrue. Oh! Clara ... Clara! My smelling-salts ... my smelling-salts! I'm going to faint ... I'm going to faint ... I'm going to faint!

Mrs. Romney. (Running to Mrs. Warren) Here, use mine, my dear, use mine.

Mrs. Lawty. But the letter, Mrs. Warren.

Mrs. Warren. (She has been fanning herself furiously with the letter. She suddenly holds it up as if it might be a bomb ready to go off in her hand.) The letter! Oh! Take it ... take it ... take it away!

Betty. (Taking the letter) Why, it is a note from——

Ladies. (On the very edges of their chairs) Yes?

Betty. From Mrs. Hunter.

Ladies. Oh. (They watch Betty curiously as she reads the note.)

Betty. Mother, Mrs. Hunter asks if I might go for a carriage drive with her this afternoon to gather wild flowers. She is going to stop for me. She says the doctor told her how very fond I am of flowers.

Mrs. Warren. (With a great sigh of relief) Oh!

Betty. May I go?

Mrs. Warren. Why, yes, dear, if you think——

Mrs. Romney. I fear these ladies were quite mistaken about——

Mrs. Lawty. These ladies, indeed! Do you not include yourself,—that is to say, are you not one of us?

Mrs. Romney. God forbid!

Ladies. Oh!

(The knocker sounds.)

Mrs. Warren. Clara ... Clara!

(Clara enters from the Left.)

Clara. Did you call me, ma'am?

Mrs. Warren. Clara, there is someone at the door.

Clara. Very well, ma'am. (She goes out.)

Mrs. Pickering. I am sure Mrs. Warren will forgive our very grave mistake. But it was for her sake that——

Betty. How could you ever dream of worrying my dear mother by such scandalous gossip? It is shameful!

Mrs. Warren. Betty ... Betty!

Mrs. Lawty. You, my dear, are still too young to understand.

(Clara enters.)

Mrs. Lawer. I fear we were overquick in our judgment.

Mrs. Warren. Yes, Clara?

Clara. It is Mrs. Hunter, ma'am.

Mrs. Warren. Mrs. Hunter? Do have her come right in, Clara.

Clara. Yes, ma'am. Shall I bring more tea, ma'am?

Mrs. Warren. Yes, Clara ... and cake, Clara.

Clara. Yes, ma'am. (She goes out.)

Ladies. Oh, shall we stay? Or shall we go? It might be embarrassing—I am sure Mrs. Hunter——

Mrs. Romney. Such an interesting person ... Mrs. Hunter.

Mrs. Lawty. I am so glad she and her husband have come to live with us here in Northampton.

Mrs. Pickering. We must ask her to join the "Helping Hand Society."

Mrs. Lawer. I am sure she will have so many good ideas.

Mrs. Warren. Ladies, I am so glad you are all here this afternoon ... so pleased.

(The ladies very properly arrange their dresses and bonnets as the curtain falls.)

The Touch-Down

A comedy in four acts, by Marion Short. 8 males, 6 females, but any number of characters can be introduced in the ensembles. Costumes modern. One interior scene throughout the play. Time, 2-1/2 hours.

This play, written for the use of clever amateurs, is the story of life in Siddell, a Pennsylvania co-educational college. It deals with the vicissitudes and final triumph of the Siddell Football Eleven, and the humorous and dramatic incidents connected therewith.

"The Touch-Down" has the true varsity atmosphere, college songs are sung, and the piece is lively and entertaining throughout. High schools will make no mistake in producing this play. We strongly recommend it as a high-class and well-written comedy.

Price, 30 Cents.

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry

A comedy in three acts, by LeRoy Arnold. 5 males, 4 females. One interior scene. Costumes modern. Plays 2-1/4 hours.

The story is based on the will of an eccentric aunt. It stipulates that her pretty niece must be affianced before she is twenty-one, and married to her fiancé within a year, if she is to get her spinster relative's million. Father has nice notions of honor and fails to tell daughter about the will, so that she may make her choice untrammeled by any other consideration than that of true love. The action all takes place in the evening the midnight of which will see her reach twenty-one. Time is therefore short, and it is hurry, hurry, hurry, if she is to become engaged and thus save her father from impending bankruptcy.

The situations are intrinsically funny and the dialogue is sprightly. The characters are natural and unaffected and the action moves with a snap such as should be expected from its title.

Price, 30 Cents.

The Varsity Coach

A three-act play of college life, by Marion Short, specially adapted to performance by amateurs or high school students. 5 males, 6 females, but any number of boys and girls may be introduced in the action of the play. Two settings necessary, a college boy's room and the university campus. Time, about 2 hours.

Like many another college boy, "Bob" Selby, an all-round popular college man, becomes possessed of the idea that athletic prowess is more to be desired than scholarship. He is surprised in the midst of a "spread" in his room in Regatta week by a visit from his aunt who is putting him through college. Aunt Serena, "a lady of the old school and the dearest little woman in the whole world," has hastened to make this visit to her adored nephew under the mistaken impression that he is about to receive the Fellowes prize for scholarship. Her grief and chagrin when she learns that instead of the prize Robert has received "a pink card," which is equivalent to suspension for poor scholarship, gives a touch of pathos to an otherwise jolly comedy of college life. How the repentant Robert more than redeems himself, carries off honors at the last, and in the end wins Ruth, the faithful little sweetheart of the "Prom" and the classroom, makes a story of dramatic interest and brings out very clearly certain phases of modern college life. There are several opportunities for the introduction of college songs and "stunts."

Price, 30 Cents.

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced)

SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free on Request

The following is a list of changes made to the original. The first line is the original line, the second the corrected one.

dreadful, sinful new religions one hears so much of nowdays.
dreadful, sinful new religions one hears so much of nowadays.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PIRATES: A COMEDY IN ONE ACT ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG™ LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg electronic works provided that:

- • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”

- • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.

- • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.

- • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg

Project Gutenberg is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 41 Watchung Plaza #516, Montclair NJ 07042, USA, +1 (862) 621-9288. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

Table of Contents

- PIRATES

- PIRATES

- CHARACTERS
- The Touch-Down
- Hurry, Hurry, Hurry
- The Varsity Coach

- THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG™ LICENSE