The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum

Author: Wallace Irwin

Author of introduction, etc.: Gelett Burgess

Release date: December 1, 2003 [eBook #4756]

Most recently updated: December 28, 2020

Language: English

Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/4756

Credits: Produced by David A. Schwan. HTML version by Al Haines.

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LOVE SONNETS OF A HOODLUM ***

The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum

by

Wallace Irwin

With an Introduction by

Gelett Burgess

Showing how Vanity is still on Deck,

& humble Virtue gets it in the Neck!

"A Leaden Heart I wear since she forsook me."

The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum

Introduction

"Tell me, ye muses, what hath former ages

Now left succeeding times to play upon,

And what remains unthought on by those sages

Where a new muse may try her pinion?"

So Complained Phineas Fletcher in his Purple Island as long ago as 1633. Three centuries have brought to the development of lyric passion no higher form than that of the sonnet cycle. The sonnet has been likened to an exquisite crystal goblet that holds one sublimely inspired thought so perfectly that not another drop can be added without overflow. Cast in the early Italian Renaissance by Dante, Petrarch and Camoens, it was chased and ornamented during the Elizabethan period by Shakespere, and filled with its most stimulating draughts of song and love during the Victorian era by Rossetti, Browning and Meredith. And now, in this first year of the new century, the historic cup is refilled and tossed off in a radiant toast to Erato by Wallace Irwin.

The attribute of modernity is not given to every new age. The cogs in the wheels of time slip back, at times. The classic revival may be permeated with enthusiasm, but it is a second edition of an old work—not a virile essay at expression of living thought. The later Renaissance was but half modern in its spirit; the classic period of the eighteenth century in England was half ancient in its mood. But the twentieth century breaks with a new promise of emancipation to English Literature, for a new influence has freshened the blood of conventional style that in the decadence of the End of the Century had grown dilute. This adjuvant strain is found in the enthusiasm of Slang. Slowly its rhetorical power has won foothold in the language. It has won many a verb and substantive, it has conquered idiom and diction, and now it is strong enough to assault the very syntax of our Anglo-Saxon tongue.[*]

[*] Note, for instance, the potential mood used indicatively in the current colloquial, "Wouldn't that jar you!"

Slang, the illegitimate sister of Poetry, makes with her a common cause against the utilitarian economy of Prose. They both stand for lavish luxuriance in trope and involution, for floriation and adornment of thought. It is their boast to make two words bloom where one grew before. Both garb themselves in Metaphor, and the only complaint of the captious can be that whereas Poetry follows the accepted style, Slang dresses her thought to suit herself in fantastic and bizarre caprices, that her whims are unstable and too often in bad taste.

But this odium given to Slang by superficial minds is undeserved. In other days, before the language was crystallized into the idiom and verbiage of the doctrinaire, prose, too, was untrammeled. Indeed, a cursory glance at the Elizabethan poets discloses a kinship with the rebellious fancies of our modern colloquial talk. Mr. Irwin's sonnets may be taken as an indication of this revolt, and how nearly they approach the incisive phrases of the seventeenth century may easily be shown in a few exemplars. For instance, in Sonnet XX, "You're the real tan bark!" we have a close parallel in Johnson's Volpone, or The Fox:

"Fellows of outside and mere bark!"

And this instance is an equally good illustration also of that curious process which, in the English language, has in time created for a single word ("cleave," for instance) two exactly opposite meanings. A line from John Webster's Appius and Virginia might be cited as showing how near his diction approached modern slang:

"My most neat and cunning orator, whose tongue is quicksilver;"

and, for an analogy similar, though elaborate, compare lines 5-8 in Sonnet XI. In Beaumont and Fletcher's Philaster,

"A pernicious petticoat prince"

is as close to "Mame's dress-suit belle" of No. VII as modern costume allows, and

"No, you scarab!"

from Ben Jonson's Alchemist gives a curious clue to the derivation of the popular term "scab" found in No. VI. Webster's forcible picture in The White Devil—

"Fate is a spaniel; we cannot beat it from us!"

finds a rival in Mr. Irwin's strong simile—"O Fate, thou art a lobster!" in No. IV. And, to conclude, since such similarities might be quoted without end, note this exclamation from Beaumont and Fletcher's Woman's Prize, written before the name of the insect had achieved the infamy now fastened upon it by the British Matron:

"These are bug's words!"

Not only does this evidently point out the origin of "Jim-jam bugs" in No. IX, and the better known modern synonym for brain, "bug-house," but it indicates the arbitrary tendency of all language to create gradations of caste in parts of speech. It is to this mysterious influence by which some words become "elegant" or "poetic," and others "coarse" or "unrefined," that we owe the contempt in which slang is held by the superficial Philistine.

In Mr. Irwin's sonnet cycle, however, we have slang idealized, or as perhaps one might better say, sublimated. Evolution in the argot of the streets works by a process of substitution. A phrase of two terms goes through a system of permutation before it is discarded or adopted into authorized metaphor. "To take the cake," for instance, a figure from the cake-walk of the negroes, becomes to "capture" or "corral" the "bun" or "biscuit." Nor is this all, for in the higher forms of slang the idea is paraphrased in the most elaborate verbiage, an involution so intricate that, without a knowledge of the intervening steps, the meaning is often almost wholly lost. Specimens of this cryptology are found in many of Mr. Irwin's sonnets, notably in No. V:

"My syncopated con-talk no avail."

We trace these synonyms through "rag-time," etc., to an almost subliminal thought—an adjective resembling "verisimilitudinarious," perhaps, qualifying the "con" or confidential talk that proved useless to bring Mame back to his devotion.

In the masterly couplet closing the sestet of No. XVIII, Mr. Irwin's verbal enthusiasm reaches its highest mark in an ultra-Meredithian rendition of "I am an easy mark," an expression, by the way, which would itself have to be elaborately translated in any English edition.

Enough of the glamors of Mr. Irwin's dulcet vagaries. He will stand, perhaps as the chief apostle of the hyperconcrete. With Mr. Ade as the head of the school, and insistent upon the didactic value of slang, Mr. Irwin presents in this cycle no mean claims to eminence in the truly lyric vein. Let us turn to a contemplation of his more modest hero.

I have attempted in vain to identify him, the "Willie" of these sonnets. The police court records of San Francisco abound in characters from which Mr. Irwin's conception of this pyrotechnically garrulous Hoodlum might have been drawn, and even his death from cigarette-smoking, prognosticated in No. XXII, does not sufficiently identify him. Whoever he was, he was a type of the latter-day lover, instinct with that self-analysis and consciousness of the dramatic value of his emotion that has reached even the lower classes. The sequence of the sonnets clearly indicates the progress of his love affair with Mary, a heroine who has, in common with the heroines of previous sonnet cycles, Laura, Stella and Beatricia, only this, that she inspired her lover to an eloquence that might have been better spent orally upon the object of his affections. Even the author's scorn does not prevent the reader from indulging in a surreptitious sympathy with the flamboyant coquetry of his "peacherino," his "Paris Pansy." For she, too, was of the caste of the articulate; did she not

"Cough up loops of kindergarten chin?"

and could we hear Mame's side of the quarrel, no doubt our Hoodlum would be convicted by every reader. But Kid Murphy, the pusillanimous rival, was even less worthy of the superb Amazon who bore him to the altar. "See how that Murphy cake-walks in his pride!" is the cri-du-coeur the gentlest reader must inevitably render.

But "the Peach crops come and go," as Mr. George Ade so eloquently observes. We must not take our hero's gloomy threats too seriously. There are other babies on the bunch, and no doubt he is, long ere this, consoled with a "neater, sweeter maiden" to whom his Muse will sing again a happier refrain. In this hope we close his dainty introspections and await his next burst of song!

Gelett Burgess.

San Francisco, Nov. 1, 1901

An Inside Con to Refined Guys

Let me down easy, reader, say!

Don't run the bluff that you are on,

Or proudly scoff at every toff

Who rattles off a rag-time con.

Get next to how the French Villon,

Before Jack Hangman yanked him high,

Quilled slangy guff and Frenchy stuff

And kicked up rough the same as I.

And Byron, Herrick, Burns, forby,

Got gay with Erato, much the same

As I now do to show to you

The way into the Hall of Fame.

Prologue

Wouldn't it jar you, wouldn't it make you sore

To see the poet, when the goods play out,

Crawl off of poor old Pegasus and tout

His skate to two-step sonnets off galore?

Then, when the plug, a dead one, can no more

Shake rag-time than a biscuit, right about

The poem-butcher turns with gleeful shout

And sends a batch of sonnets to the store.

The sonnet is a very easy mark,

A James P. Dandy as a carry-all

For brain-fag wrecks who want to keep it dark

Just why their crop of thinks is running small.

On the low down, dear Maine, my looty loo,

That's why I've cooked this batch of rhymes for you.

I

Say, will she treat me white, or throw me down,

Give me the glassy glare, or welcome hand,

Shovel me dirt, or treat me on the grand,

Knife me, or make me think I own the town?

Will she be on the level, do me brown,

Or will she jolt me lightly on the sand,

Leaving poor Willie froze to beat the band,

Limp as your grandma's Mother Hubbard gown?

I do not know, nor do I give a whoop,

But this I know: if she is so inclined

She can come play with me on our back stoop,

Even in office hours, I do not mind—

In fact I know I'm nice and good and ready

To get an option on her as my steady.

II

On the dead level I am sore of heart,

For nifty Mame has frosted me complete,

Since ten o'clock, G. M., when on the street

I saw my lightning finish from the start.

O goo-goo eye, how glassy gazed thou art

To freeze my spinach solid when we meet,

And keep thy Willie on the anxious seat

Like a bum Dago on an apple cart!

Is it because my pants fit much too soon,

Or that my hand-me-down is out of style,

That thou dost turn me under when I spoon,

Nor hand me hothouse beauties with a smile?

If that's the case, next week I'll scorch the line

Clad in a shell I'll buy of Cohenstein.

III

As follows is the make-up I shall buy,

Next week, when from the boss I pull my pay:—

A white and yellow zig-zag cutaway,

A sunset-colored vest and purple tie,

A shirt for vaudeville and something fly

In gunboat shoes and half-hose on the gay.

I'll get some green shoe-laces, by the way,

And a straw lid to set 'em stepping high.

Then shall I shine and be the great main squeeze,

The warm gazook, the only on the bunch,

The Oklahoma wonder, the whole cheese,

The baby with the Honolulu hunch—

That will bring Mame to time—I should say yes!

Ain't my dough good as Murphy's? Well, I guess!

IV

O fate, thou art a lobster, but not dead!

Silently dost thou grab, e'en as the cop

Nabs the poor hobo, sneaking from a shop

With some rich geezer's tile upon his head.

By thy fake propositions are we led

To get quite chesty, when it's buff! kerflop!!

We take a tumble and the cog-wheels stop,

Leaving the patient seeing stars in bed.

So was I swatted, for I could not draw

My last week's pay. I got the dinky dink.

No more I see the husk in dreams I saw,

And Mame is mine some more, I do not think.

I know my rival, and it makes me sore—

'Tis Murphy, night clerk in McCann's drug store.

V

Last night—ah, yesternight—I flagged my queen

Steering for Grunsky's ice-cream joint full sail!

I up and braced her, breezy as a gale,

And she was the all-rightest ever seen.

Just then Brick Murphy butted in between,

Rushing my funny song-and-dance to jail,

My syncopated con-talk no avail,

For Murphy was the only nectarine.

This is a sample of the hand I get

When I am playing more than solitaire,

Showing how I become the slowest yet

When it's a case of razors in the air,

And competition knocks me off creation

Like a gin-fountain smashed by Carrie Nation.

VI

See how that Murphy cake-walks in his pride,

That brick-topped Murphy, fourteen-dollar jay;

You'd think he'd leased the sidewalk by the way

He takes up half a yard on either side!

I'm wise his diamond ring's a cut-glass snide,

His overcoat is rented by the day,

But still no kick is coming yet from Mae

When Murphy cuts the cake so very wide.

Rubber, thou scab! Don't throw on so much spaniel!

Say, are there any more at home like you?

You're not the only lion after Daniel,

You're not the only oyster in the stew.

Get next, you pawn-shop sport! Come oft the fence

Before I make you look like thirty cents!

VII

Mayhap you think I cinched my little job

When I made meat of Mamie's dress-suit belle.

If that's your hunch you don't know how the swell

Can put it on the plain, unfinished slob

Who lacks the kiss-me war paint of the snob

And can't make good inside a giddy shell;

Wherefore the reason I am fain to tell

The slump that caused me this melodious sob.

For when I pushed Brick Murphy to the rope

Mame manned the ambulance and dragged him in,

Massaged his lamps with fragrant drug store dope

And coughed up loops of kindergarten chin;

She sprang a come back, piped for the patrol,

Then threw a glance that tommyhawked my soul.

VIII

I sometimes think that I am not so good,

That there are foxier, warmer babes than I,

That Fate has given me the calm go-by

And my long suit is sawing mother's wood.

Then would I duck from under if I could,

Catch the hog special on the jump, and fly

To some Goat Island planned by destiny

For dubs and has-beens and that solemn brood.

But spite of bug-wheels in my cocoa tree,

The trade in lager beer is still a-humming,

A schooner can be purchased for a V

Or even grafted if you're fierce at bumming.

My finish then less clearly do I see,

For lo! I have another think a-coming.

IX

Last night I tumbled off the water cart—

It was a peacherino of a drunk;

I put the cocktail market on the punk

And tore up all the sidewalks from the start.

The package that I carried was a tart

That beat Vesuvius out for sizz and spunk,

And when they put me in my little bunk

You couldn't tell my jag and me apart.

Oh! would I were the ice man for a space,

Then might I cool this red-hot cocoanut,

Corral the jim-jam bugs that madly race

Around the eaves that from my forehead jut—

Or will a carpenter please come instead

And build a picket fence around my head?

X

As one who with his landlord stands deuce high

And blocks his board bill off with I O U's,

Touching the barkeep lightly for his booze,

Sidestepping when a creditor goes by,

Soaking his mother's watch-chain on the sly,

Haply his ticker, too, haply his shoes,

Till Mr. Johnson comes to turn him loose

And lift the mortgage from that poor cheap guy;

So am I now small change in Mamie's scorn,

A microbe's egg, or two-bits in a fog,

A first cornet that cannot toot a horn,

A Waterbury watch that's slipped a cog;

For when her make-up's twisted to a frown,

What can I but go 'way back and sit down?

XI

O scaly Mame to give me such a deal,

To hand me such a bunch when I was true!

You played me double and you knew it, too,

Nor cared a wad of gum how I would feel.

Can you not see that Murphy's handy spiel

Is cheap balloon juice of a Blarney brew,

A phonograph where all he has to do

Is give the crank a twist and let 'er reel?

Nay, love has put your optics on the bum,

To you are Murphy's gold bricks all O. K.;

His talks go down however rank they come,

For he has got you going, fairy fay.

Ah, well! In that I'm in the box with you,

For love has got poor Willie groggy, too.

XII

Life is a combination hard to buck,

A proposition difficult to beat,

E'en though you get there Zaza with both feet,

In forty flickers, it's the same hard luck,

And you are up against it nip and tuck,

Shanghaied without a steady place to eat,

Guyed by the very copper on your beat

Who lays to jug you when you run amuck.

O Life! you give Yours Truly quite a pain.

On the T square I do not like your style;

For you are playing favorites again

And you have got me handicapped a mile.

Avaunt, false Life, with all your pride and pelf:

Go take a running jump and chase yourself!

XIII

If I were smooth as eels and slick as soap,

A baked-wind expert, jolly with my clack,

Gally enough to ask my money back

Before the steerer feeds me knock-out dope,

Still might I throw a duck-fit in my hope

That I possessed a headpiece like a tack

To get my Mamie in my private sack

Ere she could flag some Handsome Hank and slope.

What ho! she bumps! My wish avails me not,

My work is coarse and Mame is onto me;

So am I never Johnny-on-the-spot

When any wooden Siwash ought to be.

Thus I get busy working up a grouch

Whenever heartless Mame harpoons me—ouch!

XIV

O mommer! wasn't Mame a looty toot

Last night when at the Rainbow Social Club

She did the bunny hug with every scrub

From Hogan's Alley to the Dutchman's Boot,

While little Willie, like a plug-eared mute,

Papered the wall and helped absorb the grub,

Played nest-egg with the benches like a dub

When hot society was easy fruit!

Am I a turnip? On the strict Q. T.,

When do my Trilbys get so ossified?

Why am I minus when it's up to me

To brace my Paris Pansy for a glide?

Once more my hoodoo's thrown the game and scored

A flock of zeros on my tally-board.

XV

Nixie! I'm not canned chicken till I'm cooked,

And hope still rooms in this pneumatic chest,

While something's doing underneath my vest

That makes me think I'm squiffier than I looked.

Mayhap Love knew my class when I was booked

As one shade speedier than second best

To knock the previous records galley west,

While short-end suckers on my bait were hooked.

Mayhap—I give it up—but this I know:

When I saw Mamie on the line today

She turned her happy searchlights on me so,

And grinned so like a living picture—say,

If a real lady threw you such a chunk,

Could n't she pack her Raglan in your trunk?

XVI

Oh, for a fist to push a fancy quill!

A Lover's Handy Letter Writer, too,

To help me polish off this billy doo

So it can jolly Mame and make a kill,

Coax her to think that I'm no gilded pill,

But rather the unadulterated goo.

Below I give a sample of the brew

I've manufactured in my thinking mill:

"Gum Drop:—Your tanglefoot has got my game,

I'm stuck so tight you cannot shake your catch;

It's cruelty to insects—honest, Mame,—

So won't you join me in a tie-up match?

If you'll talk business I'm your lemon pie.

Please answer and relieve

An Anxious Guy."

XVII

Woman, you are indeed a false alarm;

You offer trips to heaven at tourist's rates

And publish fairy tales about the dates

You're going to keep (not meaning any harm),

Then get some poor old Rube fresh from the farm,

As graceful as a kangaroo on skates,

Trying to transfer at the Pearly Gates—

For instance, note this jolt that smashed the charm:—

"P.S.—You are all right, but you won't do.

You may be up a hundred in the shade,

But there are cripples livelier than you,

And my man Murphy's strictly union-made.

You are a bargain, but it seems a shame

That you should drink so much.

Yours truly,

Mame."

XVIII

Last night I dreamed a passing dotty dream—

I thought the cards were coming all my way,

That I could shut and open things all day

While Mame and I were getting thick as cream,

And starred as an amalgamated team

In a cigar-box flat across the bay—

Just then the alarm clock blew to pieces. Say,

Wouldn't that jam you? I should rather scream.

Sleep, like a bunco artist, rubbed it in,

Sold me his ten-cent oil stocks, though he knew

It was a Kosher trick to take the tin

When I was such an easy thing to do;

For any centenarian can see

To ring a bull's-eye when he shoots at me.

XIX

A pardon if too much I chew the rag,

But say, it's getting rubbed in good and deep,

And I have reached the limit where I weep

As easy as a sentimental jag.

My soul is quite a worn and frazzled rag,

My life is damaged goods, my price is cheap,

And I am such a snap I dare not peep

Lest some should read the price-mark on my tag.

The more my sourballed murmur, since I've seen

A Sunday picnic car on Market Street,

Full of assorted sports, each with his queen—

And chewing pepsin on the forninst seat

Were Mame and Murphy, diked to suit the part,

And clinching fins in public, heart-to-heart.

XX

Forget it? Well, just watch me try to shake

The memory of that four-bit Scheutzen Park,

Where Sunday picnics boil from dawn till dark

And you tie down the Flossie you can take,

If you don't mind man-handling and can make

A prize rough house to jolly up the lark,

To show the ladies you're the whole tan-bark,

And leave a blaze of fireworks in your wake.

'Twas there before the Rainbow Club that Mame

Bawled herself out as Murphy's finansay

And all the chronic glad hand-claspers came

To copper invites for the wedding day;

And when the jocund day threw up the sponge

Murphy was billed to take the fatal plunge.

XXI

At noon today Murphy and Mame were tied.

A gospel huckster did the referee,

And all the Drug Clerks Union loped to see

The queen of Minnie Street become a bride,

And that bad actor, Murphy, by her side,

Standing where Yours Despondent ought to be.

I went to hang a smile in front of me,

But weeps were in my glimmers when I tried.

The pastor murmured, "Two and two make one,"

And slipped a sixteen K on Mamie's grab;

And when the game was tied and all was done

The guests shied footwear at the bridal cab,

And Murphy's little gilt-roofed brother Jim

Snickered, "She's left her happy home for him."

XXII

Still joy is rubbernecking on the street,

Still hikes the Mags' parade at five o'clock,

Still does the masher march around the block

Pining in vain some hothouse plant to meet;

Still does the rounder pull your leg to treat,

Where flows the whisky sour or russet bock,

And the store clothing dummies in a flock

Keep good and busy following their feet.

Rats! cut this out; for I'm a last year's champ;

Into the old bone orchard am I blowing,

So with the late lamented let me camp,

My walkers to the graveyard daisies toeing,

And shaking this too upish generation,

Pass checks through cigarette asphyxiation.

Epilogue

To just one girl I've tuned my sad bazoo,

Stringing my pipe-dream off as it occurred,

And as I've tipped the straight talk every word,

If you don't like it you know what to do.

Perhaps you think I've handed out to you

An idle jest, a touch-me-not, absurd

As any sky-blue-pink canary bird,

Billed for a record season at the Zoo.

If that's your guess you'll have to guess again,

For thus I fizzled in a burst of glory,

And this rhythmatic side-show doth contain

The sum and substance of my hard-luck story,

Showing how Vanity is still on deck

And Humble Virtue gets it in the neck.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LOVE SONNETS OF A HOODLUM ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG™ LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg electronic works provided that:

- • You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”

- • You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.

- • You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.

- • You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg

Project Gutenberg is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 41 Watchung Plaza #516, Montclair NJ 07042, USA, +1 (862) 621-9288. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

Table of Contents

The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum

Wallace Irwin

With an Introduction by Gelett Burgess

The Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum

Introduction

An Inside Con to Refined Guys

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG™ LICENSE