Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 13, July 17, 1858
Author: Unknown
Date: 2017-06-09T00:00:00+00:00
Keywords: New York (N.Y.) -- Politics and government

The Project Gutenberg eBook of Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 13, July 17, 1858

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Title: Stephen H. Branch's Alligator, Vol. 1 no. 13, July 17, 1858

Editor: Stephen H. Branch

Release date: June 9, 2017 [eBook #54877]
Most recently updated: October 23, 2024

Language: English

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK STEPHEN H. BRANCH'S ALLIGATOR, VOL. 1 NO. 13, JULY 17, 1858 ***

Transcriber Notes

- Obvious printer errors and missing punctuation fixed. Archaic and inconsistent spelling retained.

- The table of contents has been created and added by the transcriber.

- The cover has been created by the transcriber and placed in the public domain.

Life of Stephen H. Branch. | 1

A Primary Election at Peter Cooper’s Funny Little Grocery-Groggery, at the corner of the Bowery and Stuyversant Street, in 1820.

2

A Precious Fossil. | 2
Editorial Career of James Gordon Bennett. | 3
Fools. | 3
Advertisements. | 4

Volume I.—No. 13.]SATURDAY, JULY 17, 1858.[Price 2 Cents.

STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S
ALLIGATOR.

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1857, by

STEPHEN H. BRANCH,

In the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the United

States for the Southern District of New York.

Life of Stephen H. Branch.

While Horace Greeley and myself were in conversation over our breakfast at the Graham House, Goss escorted Fred Douglas and lady to the table, who took seats near us. I knew not who they were, nor do I know that Greeley did, but I think he did. They had arrived the previous night, and this was my first knowledge that Goss kept colored boarders, who politely helped them, and took a seat beside them, and conversed on their favorite theme of anti-slavery. I stared at Goss and Fred and lady and at Greeley, who gave me a sly glance, and ate his bran mush and molasses as though nothing unusual was transpiring. I finished my mush, and retired, and felt that Goss had perpetrated a gross impropriety. And although I was then teaching negroes in the kitchens of New York, amid slush and kettles and frying pans, and thus evinced my warm desire to elevate the whole African race, yet my feelings were so grossly outraged by this unnatural and disgusting amalgamation, that I went to Major Mordecah M. Noah, (who published a daily evening paper,) and told him the whole story, who opened a tremendous broadside on Greeley, who dared Noah to reveal the name of his informant, although he knew I must be the man. I besought Noah not to disclose my name, as I did not desire to have a controversy with Greeley about Graham bread and Africans. Noah promised he would not, but he discharged such caustic and unceasing broadsides, and poked so much fun at Greeley, for breakfasting with negroes, that he again ferociously demanded Noah to disclose the name of his cowardly informant. I again implored Noah to stand firmly, and not to divulge my name. Noah said that he did not see how he could avoid it, as Greeley had made such a savage demand. But I induced him, after long and plaintive importunity, not to expose me, and Noah soon withdrew his forces from Africa, and attacked Greeley on his native hills of America, on the subject of the Tariff and other themes. And in their deluge of words and detraction, I did not molest Noah, nor any of his descendants, save to pawn some of my traps occasionally to pay Goss my weekly board. Greeley snarled and growled at me for weeks, but he had a conciliatory nature, and magnanimously forgave me, and, (as after the quarrels of two enthusiastic lovers,) we were better friends than ever. I admired the humor and genial nature of Major Noah, and I respected the transcendental talents of Horace Greeley, but I did not wish to be devoured by their gladiatorial collisions, although I was the sole origin of their editorial combat. Rhode Island was now on the verge of civil war. My father addressed the first assemblage at the old Town House, in Providence, against the revolutionary doctrines of Thomas Wilson Dorr, and harangued the friend’s of Law and Order in various parts of the State. My brother Henry came to New York, and told me that my father had received letters from the insurgents, warning him to prepare to meet his God, and was insulted by ruffians while crossing Providence bridge, who threatened to destroy his property, if he did not cease his inflammatory speeches against them, and that father defied them, and told them that they might burn his houses, but they could not burn his land. I went to Providence, and was saluted by father in tones of the purest affection. I slept at his house, for several nights, and joined the City Guards, and my company was assigned a position on the west side of the bridge, to guard the city from sunset till sunrise. News came that old General Green’s Kentish Guards, (cherished by Washington,) of East Greenwich, commanded by Captain Allen, had fired on the insurgents at Pawtucket, five miles from Providence, and killed and wounded half a dozen of the rebels, and my Company was immediately sent to relieve the Kentish Guards. Just prior to entering Pawtucket, the Dorr women belched from their doors and windows the most disgusting ejaculations, and I heard one virago exclaim: “An’t you a precious gang of soldiers? You look as though Providence had taken a powerful emetic.” This was a hard dose, but it came from one who bore the form and garb of a lady, and we had to swallow it without a murmur. Ex-Governor Earle came from Pawtucket on the wings of lightning, and told us it would be instant death for us to enter Pawtucket without more men, but, much to my regret, our Captain ordered us to follow him into the town, whose streets were crowded with desperate outlaws, who were hooting and hurling stones and fragments of iron at the Kentish Guards, who were literally surrounded by the mob. When Captain Allen saw our Company approach, he instantly arrayed us against the insurgents for fatal action, and, taking out his watch, told the beligerent thousands present, that if they did not disperse in ten minutes, he would fire upon them. I suffered more in these ten minutes, than in all my life, because I feared the rascals wouldn’t go, and we would have to fire at them. I had the dyspepsia most horribly, and had all my pockets stuffed with chunks of Graham bread, for a warrior’s rations, and was reduced to an utter skeleton, and could hardly hold my heavy musket perpendicularly, and my bones fairly rattled when the bloody words of Captain Allen fell upon my ears. I had never fired a gun but once, and that was at a snake at Topsfield, Massachusetts, and although the muzzle was within an inch of his head, the ball passed into the ground, and the snake fled before I could reload my gun. And yet I feared I might shed human blood, and perhaps kill one or more, if Captain Allen ordered my Company to fire at the Dorrites. And I was very sure I would fall like a dead man, from the effect upon my dyspeptic nerves of fright and thundering noise caused by the simultaneous discharge of one hundred muskets. And I actually envied the rebels who could escape from peril, while I could not, as I had a gun, cap and knapsack, and was hemmed in by my comrades. I could not exchange my clothes, and was closely watched by the insurgents, and if I left the ranks, I might be shot by my own companions in arms, and if I escaped their fire, the insurgents themselves might instantly dispatch me. The fatal ten minutes had nearly expired, and I supposed my time had come, as I felt sure if we fired, that two thousand ruffians would rush upon us, and hack us to bleeding fragments. I looked up to the brilliant stars, but with all their cheerfulness and fascination, I feared to have my soul approach their glittering realms. I looked down upon the green earth, and I desired not an eternal abode for my butchered carcase below its fragrant surface. To kill a man I thought would be horrible, and forever cause unpleasant dreams. But to be killed myself, by the enemy, seemed still more horrible. And I resolved to put nothing but powder in my gun, so that I could not kill or wound the Dorrites. I regretted that I could not slyly tell them of my humane resolves, so that they could evince similar clemency towards me, when we came together hand to hand, and foot to foot, and nails to nails, and nose to nose, and belly to belly, and teeth to teeth. The ten minutes elapsed, and the rebels remained and yelled and stoned and defied us. Captain Allen passed along the line, and told us we had got bloody work before us, and besought us to be firm, and reload our muskets quickly, and fire at the hearts of our adversaries, and we would conquer them, although they numbered thousands, and we only hundreds. I came near falling at this intelligence, and leaned very heavily against the soldiers on either side of me, who threatened to shoot me if I didn’t stand straighter, which straightened me mighty quick. Captain Allen spoke of American patriotism, and our duty to our native State, and to the United States, and of the valor of Green and Perry, but I scarcely heard what he said, as my terrified mind was contemplating the horrors of an instant and bloody doom, and my gloomy prospects beyond the grave. Captain Allen takes out his watch, and draws his sword, and I look towards Heaven, and engage in a most solemn silent prayer, as I now expect to die in about five minutes.

(To be continued to my last gun.)

A Primary Election at Peter Cooper’s Funny Little Grocery-Groggery, at the corner of the Bowery and Stuyversant Street, in 1820.

HALF AN HOUR BEFORE DAYLIGHT.

Peter—Well, Jack, where are all the boys you promised me?

Jack—They are asleep in the market.

Peter—Zounds! Jack! Arouse them, or we are lost.

Jack—They have one eye open, and the gilded stuff will soon open the other.

Peter—Jack, what do you mean? Have I not kept open house for three days and nights, and swilled yourself and comrades with liquor for a week, and haven’t you all been drunk at my expense for several days? By Jupiter! Jack! you won’t desert me, after drinking so much of my best rum, will you?

Jack—The boys won’t expose their eyes and nose, and teeth and skulls, and bellies to the sharp claws and big fists, and stones and clubs of your political adversaries, without some money in advance, to tickle the palms of the surgeon and nurses at the Hospital. For doctors and nurses won’t trust the poor, you know, and especially the boys who get their skulls cracked at the primary elections.

Peter—Well, Jack, tell the boys that I will fill them with good rum until the primary election is over, and then, if I am victorious in the Nominating Convention, I’ll reward them liberally with money.

Jack—(With his fingers whirling like a windmill over his nose)—The boys an’t so green as to trust the politicians until they have fought their bloody sieges, and elected them to offices where they can steal fortunes from the people, including many a chunk of choice grub from our own mouths. No, no, Peter. It won’t do. Down with the cash, and all will go well.

Peter—Have I not often got yourself and friends out of the Watch House?

Jack—And have we not long bought your grog, although you adulterated it more than other liquor dealers? And have we not fought your public battles, and exposed ourselves to imprisonment, and periled our lives to give you political influence to liberate us from the Watch House, when we got into a bad scrape on your account?

Peter—You lie, you thief and drunken vagabond, if you say I adulterated my liquor more than other rum sellers.

Jack—Have a care, Peter, have a care, for did I not catch you in the very act of pouring water by the pailfull into a rum hogshead last week, that was only about half full of spurious alcohol, when you began to adulterate it?

Peter—I was afraid the boys would drink so much, that they would not be sober enough to whip my political enemies to-day, if I did not adulterate my pure and strong rum, which came from Jamaica only last week.

Jack—That will do, Peter—that will do, for you always could tell a smoother and bigger lie than me, and I give it up.

Peter—Come, come, Jack—this won’t do. The sun will soon be climbing the eastern hills, and there’s no time to be lost. What’s to be done?

Jack—Fork over, Peter, and we’ll die, if necessary, in our effort to stuff the ballot boxes, and keep them stuffed all day, and drive your foes from the polls, and seize the boxes at sunset, and count the votes in favor of your delegates to the Convention.

Peter—Will you be true?

Jack—As money to the poor man.

Peter—Then awake the boys, and let them all come quickly, and get some stuff.

Jack (Scampers to the market)—Get up, you lazy drunken thieves, and run for your lives to Peter Cooper’s, and get some precious stuff. (They all spring from the butcher stalls, and run like bloodhounds for Peter’s groggery.)

Jack—Here we are, Peter.

Peter—So I perceive. (They all slyly smile and wink, and screw their expressive mouths.)

Jack—Shall I help the boys to some grog, Peter, while you are counting out our primary wages?

Peter—O yes, but don’t give them too stiff a horn, Jack, as I fear they will all get dead drunk before sundown, and then I’ll surely be defeated, as the hardest fighting will be after the poles are closed. So, boys, please drink moderately until the election is over, and fight like bull dogs till the result is declared, and then, if I am the conqueror, you can all get drunk on my toddy for a week or month.

Jack—That’s the talk. Them’s our views, an’t they, boys?

All (drinking)—Well—they are.

Peter—There, Jack, there’s your share, and now you divide the balance among your honest and noble companions.

Jack—Boys—do you hear the compliments of our candidate?

All—Well—we do, and he is a man of his word, and we’ll put him through.

Jack—(Putting all the money in his pocket)—Scissors! boys! Look down the Bowery! There come, on the full jump, about forty bullies with Ned, the murderer, at their head, screaming and beckoning his bloody gang to follow him.

Peter—O God! Stand by me, friends, or I’ll be murdered before the polls open. For Ned threatened to kill me yesterday, if I didn’t withdraw my name as a candidate. So, don’t let him and his desperate band murder me. For I’m sure they will, if you abandon me. O dear! Do stand by me, brave young gentlemen! Won’t you? Please do? (He begins to cry.)

Jack—Here they come, and they are armed with clubs, knives and pistols.

Peter—O Lordy! (And he crawls under the counter, and gets behind a rum cask, and is as quiet as a young rat.)

Ned (bursting through the door, and his cronies smashing the windows)—I understand you stuffed the ballot-box last night for Peter Cooper, and intend to carry the election to-day, by spurious ballots already deposited.

Jack—You are a liar. (They close, and Ned throws Jack, and mauls him awfully.)

Ned—Go in, boys, and give no quarter, and drag Peter Cooper from behind the rum cask, under the bar, and give him a dreadful flogging, for not withdrawing in favor of my candidate.

Peter—O spare me, Ned, spare me, and I’ll withdraw from the field.

Ned—Shut up, Snarlyow. Give it to him, boys, and knock his teeth down his throat, and make his nose as red as his crimes, and his eyes as black as his heart. Hit him again, and avenge his robbery of his poor old Aunt.

Peter—O spare me, kind gentlemen, and I’ll give you all the rum I’ve got in the bar, and down cellar, too.

Ned—Close your jaws, Shylock. Your time is come. (Jack now rallies, and a bloody collision ensues, and two are stabbed, and one shot, and Peter is terribly beaten, and thrown into the cellar, but soon crawls up stairs, and Peter’s friends fly for their lives.)

Peter—(sitting on a rum cask, with his nostrils blocked with coagulated blood, and his face mashed to a jelly, and Ned and his bullies drinking, laughing, singing, and dancing)—O dear me, I wish somebody would come and relieve me from the clutches of these awful men.

Ned—(throwing a glass of rum in the face of Peter)—No impudence, Peter. Another insolent word, and I’ll skin you. (The Police now rush in, and, after a bloody struggle, arrest Ned and all his followers, and drag them to prison.)

(To be continued.)

Stephen H. Branch’s Alligator.

NEW YORK, SATURDAY, JULY 17, 1858.

STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S “ALLIGATOR” CAN BE obtained at all hours, at wholesale and retail, at No. 114 Nassau Street, (Second Story), near Ann Street, New York.

A Precious Fossil.

Mayor Tiemann’s trickery and treachery to
the Americans thoroughly exposed.

The following Card was placed in every house and store and workshop in 1843, by direction of Daniel F. Tiemann, and was published in all the newspapers of that memorable period:

“TO THE VOTERS IN THIS HOUSE.

The inclosed Ticket is presented by the American Republican Party, for your suffrage—it is composed exclusively of Americans who have withdrawn from the great contending parties of the day, for the sake of the country and its institutions; their character and standing in the community is well known to be unexceptionable and highly honorable; they have pledged themselves, if elected, to support and carry out the principles of this party, which are as follows, viz:—

1st. We maintain that the Naturalization Laws should be so altered as to require of all Foreigners who may hereafter arrive in this Country, a residence of twenty-one years, before granting them the privilege of the Elective Franchise; but at the same time, we distinctly declare, that it is not our intention to interfere with the vested rights of any citizen, or lay any obstruction in the way of Foreigners obtaining a livlihood or acquiring property in this country; but on the contrary, we would grant them the right to purchase, hold and transfer property, and to enjoy and participate in all the benefits of our country, (except that of voting and holding office,) as soon as they declare their intentions to become citizens.

2d. We advocate the repeal of the present Common School Law, and the re-establishment of the Law, known as the Public School Law.

3d. We maintain that the Bible, without note or comment, is not sectarian—that it is the fountain-head of morality and all good government, and should be used in our Public Schools as a reading Book.

4th. We are opposed to a union of Church and State in any and every form.

5th. We hold that native Americans, only, should be appointed to office, to legislate, administer, or execute the Laws of their own country.

These are our principles—if you like them, we ask your support for the enclosed Ticket. We believe the time has come when we may, with truth, exclaim, “Delay is dangerous.” The above principles aim at existing evils, which have grown to such enormity as to threaten seriously our dearest and most sacred rights. We have waited long and anxiously for some movement from among other parties to check these evils, and we have waited in vain. The only hope that remains, is for Americans to organize a new party, to combat and counteract them. This we have done. The Presidential question we have nothing to do with.—We invite you to our Standard: it is raised in the cause of Civil and Religious Liberty, and no true American can fight against it. It is the same Banner that was raised by Americans in ’76.

DANIEL F. TIEMANN, President.

J. B. Dennis, Secretary.

New York, November 1, 1843.”

This will do pretty well for a man whose father is a Holland Dutchman, and cannot now speak the American language so as to be easily understood,—who is appointing the ejected garroters of European Capitals, to the most lucrative and honorable positions, while poor and honest and intelligent Americans (for whom he professed such boundless love in 1843,) are haughtily denied the humblest appointments in his gift,—who has toiled with sleepless vigilance,—since his recent election as Mayor by the Americans,—to reinstate the odious George W. Matsell, and who has, after an arduous struggle, succeeded in effecting the reappointment of Captain Leonard, a Canadian, and of Captain Dowling, an Irishman, (both of whose naturalization papers I would like to see, or the man who has seen them,) who were smuggled back to their old quarters by Cooper, Gerard, Tiemann, Bowen, and Stranaham, to cut the throat of Seward, and to diffuse poison through the Police Department, and to re-create the perjured carcase of Matsell on the ruins of Tallmadge and Wm. Curtis Noyes, his noble son-in-law. Tiemann aspires to the honors of a Governor, and himself and his brother Edward Cooper, (the Street Commissioner, and the own son of Peter Cooper,) are appointing all the ruffians of both hemispheres to office, to effect the nomination and election of Tiemann as Governor of the Empire State. But Peter, and Daniel, and Edward will be foiled. No man can attain the distinguished honors of America, who prostitutes his own integrity and that of his fellow citizens, to effect his ungodly designs. Aaron Burr and other ambitious rogues tried that experiment, and they were resisted and foiled by the God who loves and protects our beloved America, and they went down to ignominious graves, whose ashes will be loathed and trampled by a thousand generations. Mayor Tiemann is a ninny and a hypocrite—has basely disowned his native Holland skies—has never been naturalized—bamboozled the Americans in 1843 and 1857—loves neither American nor foreigner, nor his God—but adores himself and Peter Cooper, and fears George W. Matsell and his Matron Mistress on Randall’s Island, whom he forced and nearly strangled, while he committed a deed of hell, in the violation of her person, for which, in any city of Europe, he would be dragged to a dungeon or the block, and perhaps torn to pieces in the market place, by the indignant and phrensied populace.

Editorial Career of James Gordon Bennett.

JOHN KELLY’S HOME.

Enter John in tears.

John’s Mother—Well, dear Johnny, why do you cry so hard? Where on earth did you come from? Have you been fighting, and did you act the coward, and get whipped, and run home? Speak, my darling boy, and speak quickly, so that your dear mother can sympathise with you.

John—(still crying)—Dear mother, my heart is so full of woe, that I cannot speak.

Mother—(begins to cry)—O, God! I fear something awful has happened to my adored son, and that he is injured internally, and will soon die. (Falls on her knees, and clasps her hands, and wails in piteous tones, and implores God to spare her son.)

John—(seizing her)—Don’t cry, dear mother, my heart, not my form, is bruised.

Mother—And who bruised your big heart? Did a ruffian throw a stone, or kick you, or strike your heart with his fist? O tell me quickly, so that I can fell him to the earth.

John—Neither, good mother, neither. I spoke figuratively, when I said my heart was bruised.

Mother—And an’t figures facts? How strangely you talk, dear Johnny. Did not your old mother go to school, and did she not cipher as far as Distraction? And when you say your poor heart is bruised figuratively, you talk from the Rule of Distraction, don’t you? Mr. Daboll used to say so, before you was born. Go to, my son, go to, for your old mother is not so far distracted as not to understand figures as far as Distraction.

Father (just emerging from a profound nap)—What is all this row about?

Mother—Some rowdy has bruised Johnny’s heart.

Father—Where is my hat? I’ll pursue the rascal.

John—Hold, father, hold, and you, mother, please calm your nerves, and listen to my brief but plaintive story.

Father—Go on, dear son.

Mother—And we will judge impartially.

John—I have left Mr. Bennett.

Mother—Good Lord! For what?

John—Because he wanted me to tell lies.

Mother—(falling)—O God! O God! We are hungry and nearly naked, and may soon be houseless, but thou hast blessed us with an honest boy, which is a far more precious boon than food and raiment and shelter. (And she utters a long and fervent and grateful prayer to God, for the unwavering integrity of her beloved son, while Johnny and his father weep aloud on their bended knees.)

Father (the distracted mother still prostrate on the floor)—John: Did Mr. Bennett pay you what he owed you?

John—He offered to, but I would not take it.

Father—Why?

John—Because I thought he got it dishonestly, as he wanted me to tell lies.

Father—My landlord was here to-day, and I told him I expected some money from Mr. Bennett for your services, and he will be here this evening, for his rent, and I fear he will turn us into the street, when I tell him that I cannot pay him.

John—I am very sorry, father, that you will be cast into the street, on my account. (The father weeps, and the mother springs to her feet, and kisses Johnny, and swears that if the landlord attempts to drive them into the open air, she will dash his brains out.)

John (putting on his hat, and with one hand on the latch)—Don’t cry, dear father and mother, nor be excited and unhappy in my brief absence.

Mother—Where are you going, Johnny?

John—I am going round to the fire engine house, to see a noble young fireman, who is a warm friend of mine, and whose father is very rich, and I am sure he will cry when I tell him that my poor old father and mother are sick and hungry, and are about to be thrust into the street.

Mother (on the verge of despair)—Tell him our mournful story, Johnny, but do not beg. No, my Johnny, for God’s sake, don’t beg. Let us all die before we implore alms. Your mother is too proud to have her son descend to that. Don’t beg, Johnny, don’t beg, I implore you. It is my last prayer to my dear son.

John—I could not beg, mother. I would die before I would thus degrade myself and noble parents, who have seen fairer days than these. Besides, my friend is humane, and so are his parents, and I am sure I will not have to beg him to relieve us. It will be sufficient for him to learn of our destitution, and that we became utterly poor, because I would not tell lies for James Gordon Bennett.

Father—Go, my son, to your young fireman friend, and tell your story in your own way. I’m sure you will never degrade your father and mother, after your refusal to lie for Mr. Bennett.

Mother—Go, Johnny, and soon return to your distracted parents, and let them know their fate.

John (kissing his mother, and warmly pressing his father’s hand)—Good bye, father and mother, and I’ll soon bring you pleasing news, and a deliverance from abject penury. (He goes.)

Evening—Enter Landlord.

Landlord—Well, Mr. Kelly, have you got my rent?

Mr. Kelly—No, sir. My son has left Mr. Bennett, because he wanted him to tell lies.

Landlord—For what?

Mr. Kelly—Because he wanted him to lie.

Landlord—What a fool your son must be.

Mrs. Kelly—Don’t you call my son a fool, sir. God loved George Washington because he would not lie, and made him the Liberator of his country.

Landlord—That’s all gammon. Washington was an old Federalist, and an old knave and fool, and could swear and lie as hard as a delinquent tenant.

Mrs. Kelly (throws the tea pot, full of scalding water, at his head)—Take that, you miserable old tory and miser. (The landlord rushes upon Mrs. Kelly, when Mr. Kelly, forgetting his rheumatic leg, flies at him like a tiger, and while they grapple, and level their deadly blows, with Mrs. Kelly pouring hot water down the neck and back of the landlord—in comes John, and his young fireman friend, who both seize the landlord, and hurl him down stairs, and kick him into the street, amid the frantic yells of all the neighbors. John then introduces the young New York Fireman to his father and mother, who receive him with courtesy and fervor.)

(To be continued.)

Fools.

Bennett and Hudson (through their influence with the wholesale news dealers,) supposed they could check the circulation of the “Alligator,” among the honest masses, who have been kicked and cuffed and sold by the Bennett’s, and Greeley’s, and Raymond’s, since the immortal Pudding Dinner of Benjamin Franklin, to the wicked aristocracy and tories of Philadelphia, who threatened to crush Franklin’s bold and independent Journal, but who got egregiously mistaken. Stop my “Alligator!” Eh? You could as easily dam the thundering torrents of Niagara, that have sublimely rolled into their rocky beds for unnumbered ages. Withhold my “Alligator” from the glad embraces of the intelligent and industrial classes! Eh? First strive to roll back the Father of Waters to its sources in the mountain wilderness, or beat back the God of Day, or stop the Revolutions of the Globe! Stop my “Alligator!” Eh? Fools, fools, fools!

I have received the first number of “The Fact,” whose editors are Wm. B. Smith and D. A. Casserley. It is about the size of the “Alligator,” and full of interesting matter. I hope it will be liberally patronised.

Advertisements—25 Cents a line.

Credit—From two to four seconds, or as long as the Advertiser can hold his breath! Letters and Advertisements to be left at No. 114 Nassau street, second story, front room.

NOTICE TO FARMERS AND MARKET GARDENERS.—City Inspector’s Department, New York, June 16, 1858.—In conformity with the following resolution, the space therein mentioned will be permitted to be used as a place, by farmers and gardeners, for the sale of vegetables and garden produce, until the hour of 12 o’clock, M., daily—the use to be free of charge:

Resolved, That permission be, and is hereby, given to farmers and market gardeners, to occupy daily, until 12 M., free of charge, the vacant space of the northern and southern extremities of the intersection of Broadway and Sixth avenue, between Thirty-second and Thirty-fifth streets, without infringing upon the streets which the said space intersects, for the purpose only of selling vegetables and market produce, of their own farms or gardens, under the supervision of the City Inspector.

Also, by resolution of the Common Council, The use of Gouverneur slip is granted to farmers and gardeners for the sale of produce from wagons.

GEO. W. MORTON, City Inspector.

JOSEPH CANNING, Sup’t of Markets.

NOTICE—TO PERSONS KEEPING SWINE, OWNERS OF PROPERTY WHERE THE SAME MAY BE KEPT, AND ALL OTHERS INTERESTED. At a meeting of the Mayor and Commissioners of Health, held at the City Hall of the City of New York, Friday, June 18th, 1858, the following preamble and resolutions were adopted:

Whereas, A large number of swine are kept in various portions of the city; and whereas, it is the general practice of persons so keeping swine, to boil offal and kitchen refuse and garbage, whereby a highly offensive and dangerous nuisance is created, therefore, be it

Resolved, That this Board, of the Mayor and Commissioners of Health, deeming swine kept south of (86th) street, in this city, to be creative of a nuisance and detrimental to the public health, therefore, the City Inspector be, and he is hereby, authorized and directed to take, seize, and remove from any and all places and premises, all and every swine found or kept on any premises in any place in the city of New York southerly of said street, and to cause all such swine to be removed to the Public Pound, or other suitable place beyond the limits of the city or northerly of said street, and to cause all premises or places wherein, or on which, said swine may have been so found or kept, to be thoroughly cleaned and purified as the City Inspector shall deem necessary to secure the preservation of the public health, and that all expenses incurred thereby constitute a lien on the lot, lots or premises from which said nuisance shall have been abated or removed.

Resolved, That the foregoing resolutions shall take effect from and after the first day of July next, and that public notice be given of the same by publication in the Corporation papers to that date, and that notice may be given to persons keeping swine by circulars delivered on the premises, and that all violations of this order be prosecuted by the proper legal authorities, on complaint from the City Inspector or his officers.

City Inspector’s Department, }

New York, June 18, 1858. }

All persons keeping swine, or upon whose property or premises the same may be kept, are hereby notified that the above resolutions will be strictly enforced from and after the first day of July next.

GEO. W. MORTON, City Inspector.

FRANCIS B. BALDWIN, WHOLESALE and RETAIL CLOTHING & FURNISHING WAREHOUSE, 70 and 72 Bowery, between Canal and Hester sts., New York. Large and elegant assortment of Youths’ and Boys’ Clothing.

F. B. BALDWIN,

J. G. BARNUM.

F. B. BALDWIN has just opened his New and Immense Establishment. THE LARGEST IN THE CITY! An entire New Stock of GENTLEMEN’S, YOUTH’S and CHILDREN’S CLOTHING, recently manufactured by the best workmen in the city, is now opened for inspection. Also, a superior stock of FURNISHING GOODS. All articles are of the Best Quality, and having been purchased during the crisis, WILL BE SOLD VERY LOW! The Custom Department contains the greatest variety of CLOTHS, CASSIMERES, and VESTINGS.

Mr. BALDWIN has associated with him Mr. J. G. BARNUM, who has had great experience in the business, having been thirty years connected with the leading Clothing Establishments of the city.

THOMAS A. DUNN, 506 EIGHTH AVENUE, has a very choice assortment of Wines, Brandies, Cordials, and Segars, which he will sell at prices that will yield a fair profit. All my democratic friends, and my immediate associates in the Boards of Aldermen and Councilmen are respectfully invited to call in their rambles through Eighth Avenue, and enjoy a good Havana segar, and nice, sparkling champagne, and very exhilerating brandy. For the segars, I will charge my political friends and associates only five pence each, and for the brandy only ten pence per half gill, and for the champagne only four shillings a glass, or two dollars a bottle.

So call, kind friends, and sing a glee,
And laugh and smoke and drink with me,
Sweet Sangaree
Till you can’t see:
(Chorus)—At your expense!
(Which pays my rents,)
For my fingers do you see
O’er my nose gyrating free?

THOMAS A. DUNN, No. 506 Eighth avenue.

J. VAN TINE, SHANGAE RESTAURANT, No. 2, Dey street, New York.

COREY AND SON, MERCHANT’S EXCHANGE, Wall street, New York.—Notaries Public and Commissioners.—United State’s Passports issued in 36 hours,—Bills of Exchange, Drafts, and Notes protested,—Marine protests noted and extended.

EDWIN F. COREY,

EDWIN F. COREY, Jr.

MRS. S. S. BIRD’S LADIES’ AND GENTLEMEN’S Dining and Oyster Saloons, No. 31 Canal street, near East Broadway, and 264 Division street, New York.

Oysters Pickled to Order.

S. & J. W. BARKER, GENERAL AUCTIONEERS & REAL ESTATE BROKERS. Loans negotiated, Houses and Stores Rented, Stocks and Bonds Sold at Auction or Private Sale.

Also, FURNITURE SALES attended to at private houses. Office, 14 Pine street, under Commonwealth Bank.

CARLTON HOUSE, 496 BROADWAY, NEW York. Bates and Holden, Proprietors.

THEOPHILUS BATES.

OREL J. HOLDEN.

TRIMMING MANUFACTURERS.—B. S. YATES & CO., 639 Broadway, New York.

Fringes, Cords, Tassels, Loops, Gimps,
and Gimp Bands.

WM. COULTER, Carpenter.—I have long been engaged as a Carpenter, and I assure all who will favor me with their patronage, that I will build as good houses, or anything else in my line, as any other carpenter in the city of New York. I will also be as reasonable in charges for my work as any other person.

WILLIAM COULTER, Carpenter.

Rear of 216 East Twentieth street, New York.

GERARD BETTS & CO., AUCTION AND Commission Merchants, No. 106, Wall street, corner of Front street, New York.

JAMES DONNELLY’S COAL YARD,—Twenty-sixth street and Second Avenue. I always have all kinds of coal on hand, and of the very best quality, which I will sell as low as any other coal dealer in the United States.

JAMES DONNELLY.

FOLEY’S CELEBRATED “GOLD PENS.” For sale by all Stationers and Jewellers.

OFFICE AND STORE,

163 BROADWAY.

W. W. OSBORN, MERCHANT TAILOR, 9 Chamber street, near Chatham street, New York.

SOLOMON BANTA, Architect, No. 93 Amos street, New York. I have built as many houses and stores as any Architect in this city, or the United States, and I can produce vouchers to that effect; and I flatter myself that I can build edifices that will compare favorably, in point of beauty and durability, with those of any architect in this country. I am prepared to receive orders in my line of business, at No. 93 Amos street, New York.

SOLOMON BANTA.

ROBERT ONDERDONK—THIRTEENTH Ward Hotel, 405 and 407 Grand street, corner of Clinton street, New York.

WILLIAM M. TWEED, CHAIR, & OFFICE Furniture Dealer and Manufacturer,

No. 289 Broadway, corner of Read street, New York. Room No. 15.

TRUSSES, ELASTIC STOCKINGS, SHOULDER Braces, Supporters, Bandages, &c. H. L. Parsons, M. D. Office, 4 Ann street, under the Museum.

FASHION HOUSE.—JOSEPH HYDE PROPRIETOR, corner Grand and Essex street. Wines, Liquors, and Cigars of the best brands. He invites his friends to give him a call. Prompt and courteous attention given his patrons.

WILLIAM A. CONKLIN, ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW, No. 176 Chatham street, New York. Any business entrusted to his charge from citizens of this city or any part of the country, will receive prompt and faithful attention, and be conducted on reasonable terms.

WILLIAM A. CONKLIN.

HERRING’S PATENT CHAMPION FIRE AND BURGLAR Proof Safe, with Hall’s Patent Powder Proof Locks, afford the greatest security of any Safe in the world. Also, Sideboard and Parlor Safes, of elegant workmanship and finish, for plate, &c. S. C. HERRING & CO.,

251 Broadway.

JAMES MELENFY, (SUCCESSOR TO SAMUEL Hopper,) Grocer, and Wholesale and Retail Dealer in Pure Country Milk. Teas, Coffee, Sugars & Spices. Flour, Butter, Lard, Cheese, Eggs &c. No. 158, Eighth Avenue, Near 18th Street, New York. Families supplied by leaving their address at the Store.

BOOT & SHOE EMPORIUMS. EDWIN A. BROOKS, Importer and Manufacturer of Boots, Shoes & Gaiters, Wholesale and Retail, No. 575 Broadway, and 150 Fulton Street, New York.

MCSPEDON AND BAKER’S STATIONERY WAREHOUSE and Envelope Manufactory, Nos. 29, 31, and 33, Beekman Street, New York.

Envelopes of all patterns, styles, and quality, on hand, and made to order for the trade and others, by Steam Machinery. Patented April 8th, 1856.

COZZENS’ HOTEL COACHES,—STABLE, Nos. 34 and 36 Canal Street, New York.

I will strive hard to please all those generous citizens who will kindly favor me with their patronage.

EDWARD VAN RANST.

J. W. MASON, MANUFACTURER, WHOLESALE and Retail dealers in all kinds of Chairs, Wash Stands, Settees, &c. 377 & 379 Pearl Street, New York.

Cane and Wood Seat Chairs, in Boxes, for Shipping.

BENJAMIN JONES, COMMISSION DEALER, IN Real Estate. Houses and stores and lots for sale in all parts of the city. Office at the junction of Broadway, Seventh Avenue, and Forty-Sixth Street.

FULLMER AND WOOD, CARRIAGE Manufacturers, 239 West 19th Street, New York.

Horse-shoeing done with despatch, and in the most scientific manner, and on reasonable terms.

J. N. GENIN, FASHIONABLE HATTER, 214 Broadway, New York.

GENIN’S LADIES’ & CHILDREN’S OUTFITTING Bazaar, 513 Broadway, (St. Nicholas Hotel, N. Y.)

EDWARD PHALON & SON, 497 and 517 Broadway, New York—Depots for the sale of Perfumery, and every article connected with the Toilet.

We now introduce the “BOUQUET D’OGARITA, or Wild Flower of Mexico,” which is superior to any thing of the kind in the civilized world.

EDWARD PHALON & SON.

SAMUEL SNEDEN, SHIP & STEAMBOAT BUILDER.—My Office is at No. 31 Corlears Street, New York; and my yards and residence are at Greenpoint. I have built Ships and Steamers for every portion of the Globe, for a long term of years, and continue to do so on reasonable terms.

SAMUEL SNEDEN.

JOHN B. WEBB, BOAT BUILDER, 718 WATER STREET. My Boats are of models and materials unsurpassed by those of any Boat Builder in the World. Give me a call, and if I don’t please you, I will disdain to charge you for what does not entirely satisfy you.

JOHN B. WEBB.

ALANSON T. BRIGGS—DEALER IN FLOUR BARRELS, Molasses Casks, Water, and all other kinds of Casks. Also, new flour barrels and half-barrels; a large supply constantly on hand. My Stores are at Nos. 62, 63, 64, 69, 73, 75, 77 and 79 Rutger’s Slip; at 235, 237, and 239 Cherry street; also, in South and Water streets, between Pike and Rutger’s Slip, extending from street to street. My yards in Williamsburgh are at Furman & Co.’s Dock. My yards in New York are at the corner of Water and Gouverneur streets; and in Washington street, near Canal; and at Leroy Place. My general Office is at 64 Rutger’s Slip.

ALANSON T. BRIGGS.

FULTON IRON WORKS.—JAMES MURPHY & CO., manufacturers of Marine and Land Engines, Boilers, &c. Iron and Brass Castings. Foot of Cherry street, East River.

BRADDICK & HOGAN, SAILMAKERS, No. 272 South Street, New York.

Awnings, Tents, and Bags made to order.

JESSE A. BRADDICK,

RICHARD HOGAN.

WILLIAM M. SOMERVILLE, WHOLESALE AND Retail Druggist and Apothecary, 205 Bleecker-st., corner Minetta, opposite Cottage Place, New York. All the popular Patent Medicines, fresh Swedish Leeches, Cupping, &c. Physicians’ Prescriptions accurately prepared.

WM. M. SOMERVILLE.

A. W. & T. HUME, MERCHANT TAILORS, No. 82 Sixth Avenue, New York. We keep a large and elegant assortment of every article that a gentleman requires. We make Coats, Vests and Pants, after the latest Parisian fashions, and on reasonable terms.

A. W. & T. HUME.

THE WASHINGTON, By BARTLETT & GATES, No. 1 Broadway, New York. Come and see us, good friends, and eat and drink and be merry, in the same capacious and patriotic halls where the immortal Washington’s voice and laugh once reverberated.

O come to our Hotel,

And you’ll be treated well.

BARTLETT & GATES.

EXCELSIOR PRINTING HOUSE, 211 CENTRE ST., IS furnished with every facility, latest improved presses, and the newest styles of type—for the execution of Book, Job and Ornamental Printing. Call and see specimens.

CHARLES FRANCIS, SADDLER, (ESTABLISHED IN 1808,) Sign of the Golden Horse, 39 Bowery, New York, opposite the Theatre. Mr. F. will sell his articles as low as any other Saddler in America, and warrant them to be equal to any in the World.

H. N. WILD, STEAM CANDY MANUFACTURER, No. 451 Broadway, bet. Grand and Howard streets, New York. My Iceland Moss and Flaxseed Candy will cure Coughs and Sneezes in a very short time.

JAMES GRIFFITHS, (Late CHATFIELD & GRIFFITHS,) No. 273 Grand st., New York. A large stock of well-selected Cloths, Cassimeres, Vestings, &c., on hand. Gent’s, Youths’ and Children’s Clothing, Cut and Made in the most approved style. All cheap for Cash.

J. AGATE & CO., MEN’S FURNISHING GOODS and Shirt Manufacturers, 256 Broadway, New York.

Shirts made to order and guaranteed to fit.

J. AGATE, F. W. TALKINGTON.

BILLIARD TABLES.—PHELAN’S IMPROVED BILLIARD Tables and Combination Cushions—Protected by letters patent, dated Feb. 19, 1856; Oct. 28, 1856; Dec. 8, 1857; Jan. 12, 1858. The recent improvements in these Tables make them unsurpassed in the world. They are now offered to the scientific Billiard players as combining speed with truth, never before obtained in any Billiard Table. Sales-rooms Nos. 786 and 788 Broadway, New York. Manufactory No. 53 Ann Street.

O’CONNOR & COLLENDOR, Sole Manufacturers.

S. L. OLMSTEAD, IMPORTER, MANUFACTURER and Jobber of Men’s Furnishing Goods, No. 24 Barclay Street, corner of Church, New York.

C. B. HATCH, HILLER & MERSEREAU, Importers and Jobbers of Men’s Furnishing Goods, and Manufacturers of the Golden Hill Shirts, 99 Chambers street, N. E. corner Church Street, New York.

L. A. ROSENMILLER, DRUGGIST, NO. 172 EIGHTH Avenue, New York. Cupping & Leeching. Medicines at all hours.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK STEPHEN H. BRANCH'S ALLIGATOR, VOL. 1 NO. 13, JULY 17, 1858 ***

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Table of Contents

- STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S ALLIGATOR.

- Life of Stephen H. Branch.

- A Primary Election at Peter Cooper’s Funny Little Grocery-Groggery, at the corner of the Bowery and Stuyversant Street, in 1820.

- A Precious Fossil. Mayor Tiemann’s trickery and treachery to the Americans thoroughly exposed.

- Editorial Career of James Gordon Bennett.

- Fools.

- Advertisements—25 Cents a line.

- THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG™ LICENSE